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I recently broke up with someone that I have been with for three years.  Loving them was easy, them loving a substance more than me was another story.
I began dating them as they were seperating from their spouse. The relationship started out with a friendship that included physical intimacy.
I knew they smoked pot and had since high school. What I didn’t realize was the extent of smoking.
Between the smoking and other issues I never really got to know them. They said smoking pot was a natural thing, that it was better than drinking alcohol. I began to do it so that I would fit in, then realizing that wasn’t right. I would actually cover for them while their kids were in the house. It was nerve racking and yet I knew it was wrong.
Everytime we were physical, they were high. What hurts is that I never got to experience love making sober with them.
My therapist had been working with me on an approach with this. I was going to talk to my ex during a session in couples counseling but we had stopped going for various reasons.  What I did notice when they smoked the weekends without the kids was moodiness, defensiveness and of course the increase in appetite.  I did my own research on pot and the description/symptoms were all they encountered.  We got into many arguments, many breakups.  I just wished they would of seen what I noticed.  And also what their kids see.  But an addiction to a substance is seen by others, just not those with the addiction.  Denial is the main ingredient to addication.  And how can you tell someone that you love they have an addiction to something they love?



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Nov 6, 2008
    • The moodiness and defensiveness is the addiction process...I took classes in sex, drug and alcohol addictions to become a certified counselor, (another blog..lol).  

      When a person does not have the required amounts of drugs that the body is used to, it goes into withdrawl..The withdrawl produces different affects for different people...Weed is not one of the real bad drugs, however, a body becomes immune to it at some point and it usually requires a harder drug for a better, more lasting high.

      Unfortunately many ‘Pot’ users don’t see that they are addicted to it, simply because they feel they can do without it anytime they want to. But classic addiction symptoms are exactly what you said, It’s going to be hard to convince this person that they are indeed addicted. Have they ‘dabbled’ in anything stronger that you know of? And do you really think, as the two of you are no longer together, do you think he will be willing to hear what you have to say about him smoking pot?

      I don’t know if you’ve ever watched the TV program called Intervention. People become very hostile when they are faced with issues dealing with what others, not themselves, perceive as a substance addiction. You really have to be careful because you can alienate them even more if you approach them before they are ready to hear the truth.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Daphne wrote Nov 6, 2008
    • You didn’t date a person...you dated the drugs.  It’s a fact that a person’s emotional growth is ceased from the time they begin doing drugs.  It’s only a matter of time till the drugs begin doing the person.  

      I’m sorry you were involved in such an unhealthy, unfulfilling relationship.  I hope you continue to seek help in the form of counseling till a time when you understand why you allowed yourself to be a part of something you so obviously oppose.

      You are among friends here.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Bobbi Bacha wrote Nov 6, 2008
    • Lisa, My son just turned 18 and he felt the same thing and was sneeking and smoking pot.  His grades went from A’s to D’s and he was getting into fights and trouble and school and the biggest thing I noticed, was he had lost all ambitions.. anything he wanted to do, was thwarted as he had not drive other than to sneek off and get high.  

      As a PI I had car tracker on his car and tracker on his cell phone.  I was monitoring where he was going, who with and even the speed of his car.. I could log in and see anytime.  But one night I saw his car was stopped and didnt move for a while.. and he was arrested for less than 2 oz of pot.  I grounded him and I had already looked up everything on marijana and made him go to a class about it.  He finally stopped and is better now but it was a battle and me showing up in the park when he had not told me he was going must have always freaked him out as I tracked him.

      Marijuana is not harmless, it rewires the brain and attacks the ambition and drive to suceed and causes later lung and heart problems.  

      I tried it once in school, Im the daughter of a police officer and I was paranoid and went home and slept for two days.  I didnt like that feeling at all.  I never tried it again.  I dont drink as Im alleric and fall over after one glass of wine.. so I get high on life.  Plenty to get high on too.  

      Here is an article I found and there are others.  He is going to have to WANT TO GET OFF POT.  

      Having said that I noticed he married when you dated him ?  

      As woman to woman, advice, he will do the same to you.  Never date a guy unless a relationship is over, value yourself more than that.  Tell yourself that you are special because you are and hold yourself to higher standards and therefore men will too.  Dating a married man is never a good choice or idea, and you have little girls that have been exposed to this man, and your right to think they know, what he has been doing.  Educate them on Pot and tell them it will ruing thier lives.  Its also a gateway drug to other drugs.  Now some people have medical needs and in those cases they truely do need it, as it kills the pain and allows them to function.  There are also indian rituals where Marijuana is used on occassion, however, notice the word is religious occassion in controlled enviroments or a medical need.  Every drug is addictive and has side effects.

      He must want to stop, he can.

      Smoking pot Risks Heart Attack, Stroke

      Ivanhoe Newswire
      Wednesday, May 14, 2008; 12:00 AM

      (Ivanhoe Newswire)—Scientists using a new technique for measuring proteins may have uncovered a link between heavy marijuana use and heart attack and stroke.

      The active chemical in marijuana known as THC has been linked to impaired learning and memory in previous research. But now, a new study has established a possible connection between persistent, heavy marijuana use and blood proteins that raise the risk of heart attack and stroke.

      By using a protein chip that can potentially identify new target proteins, the researchers discovered significant increases in an apolipoprotein called apoC-111 in people who were long term, heavy marijuana users. This particular protein is involved with the transport of triglycerides and delays their breakdown. The increases in apoC-111 paralleled rises in triglyceride levels.

      According to the studys authors, although we dont understand how heavy marijuana use might be doing this, it might be one reason why some users have increased risks of heart attack and stroke.

      SOURCE: Molecular Psychology, published online May 13, 2008



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Nov 6, 2008
    • Well I have to admit, I’ve tried marijuana once, maybe twice, ok..ok..I’ve used it on occaision and to be honest, it didn’t do anything for me, I didn’t feel the addictive properties that others speak of..Those times when I tried it, I did it because others were doing it and I was more than curious...I’ll never touch anything stronger, I just don’t see what the big hooplah is all about quite honestly..I get high off life and watching my kids fight over trivial stuff makes me laugh just as much as weed does.



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