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Lately I’ve been regularly dreaming of a friend. We have been friends for over 20 years, and sometimes, when I was single, we use to be a little more than that. When I’m in a relationship, our relation returns to a platonic state. We never wanted to be in a serious relationship together. We deeply love each other but we are happy just being friends with sometimes a bit more on the side. It’s always worked for us that way.

Since I moved to a different country and do not have a home phoneline or internet, we have barely kept in touch for the past year. For the past 3 weeks however, I’ve been having erotic dreams of him. He called me 2 weeks ago to tell me he was single again and was thinking of me a lot. I strangely feel compelled to see him, and a recent death in the family brought me back dangerously close for a week. Lust has never been so strong since I’ve been here, to a point that I refused to see him at all this week.

I don’t understand. I’ve been happily married for 4 years now. Every morning when I wake up next to my husband I automatically smile when I see his face. I’ve never been happier in my life- I know it sounds phony, but it is nonetheless true. We have our differences, but our relationship is well balanced, easy and natural.  

I thought that would be enough to keep lust out the door. I am not 20 anymore and know better than to give in, but I am so surprised. Where does this come from? I thought if you are happy with someone, sexually, emotionnally and intellectually satisfied in your relationship, then attraction to other man would be minimal. Yet here I am, attracted to my husband and a close friend at the same time.

I know this is temporary. I could not bare to lose my husband or my friend and I am completely unable to lead a double life (which is a good thing in my book!). I think since I lost someone very dear to me and he recently ended a longterm relationship, we both need a bit of comforting and we are use to being there for each other in such times. It’s impressive though how souls can reach out to each other in times of needs without technological help.

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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Nov 30, 2011
    • I would say the fact that you didn’t give in and go see him when you had the opportunity means you’ve grown and matured past that relationship.

      I thikn most of us have weird erotic dreams sometimes about people who are certainly not our husbands.  I always just enjoy the dream and let everyone wonder why I’m smiling a little more the next day.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Nov 30, 2011
    • I agree with Tuliplady.... I wouldn’t give it too much thought or worry.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Yana Berlin wrote Nov 30, 2011
    • Kiddos to you to being rational grown up and not jumping into something that potentially can lead to a disaster of losing your husband and your friend.  

      I think as we progress into the second stage of our life our subcontious mind plays all kinds of tricks on us we just have to acknowledge it, embrace it for what it is and move on with a smile on our face.  

      Basically do what you did.... Write it down and turn the page.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Nov 30, 2011
    • I kinda can relate.  I am also married and have been for a long long time.  But I will never forget my first true love and we broke up back in 1990.  We recently reconnected through FB and sometimes my mind wanders back to him.  Our relationship was very very intense.  I was crazy for this guy.  But we are both married and have kids and I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize my marriage.  I can honestly say there will always be a space in my heart for my first true love though.



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