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After daddy passed away in February, 2007, mum came to Georgia to spend about 3 months with my 2 children and myself. In 2008, she spent 5 months with us. During this time, my 19 year old daughter realized how different my mum and I are.

I don’t think mum had a good stay this time. It was mainly her  own doing because of her negative thinking - it got her into trouble with my daughter and myself!

Nonetheless,on  the eve of mum’s departure in November 2008, I was looking forward to spending a nice time with her at the aquarium and then later in the evening, I had planned to take her out to dinner with the children.

Life is so unpredictable because that morning, mum suddenly fell ill - she had just had breakfast and the next thing I heard was her mug falling on  to the floor. My Jack Russell Terrier, Gabriel, came running into my room and wanted me to follow him. I called out to mum but there was no response and I quickly ran to the dining room only to find mum semi conscious. I asked her what was wrong and she began slipping off the chair and was unconscious. I held on to her and keep trying to talk to her. After about a minute, she regained consciousness.  

I helped mum to the sofa just a few feet away and she slept for a good 45 minutes. After making sure she was all right, I determined not to let her go on her long journey home the following day if she did not recover. She rested the whole day and insisted on going home to Malaysia. I put on a brave front but I was terrified. I was trying to figure out what had happened.

My mum left and got on that plane and she made it back to Malaysia - all the time during her flight, I just prayed and felt very concerned.  

I told her to see a doctor and relate to him what had happened. She was obstinate. I had to seek the help of my cousin to persuade her to go. She finally relented after a few days.

In the meantime, my spirit told me to return to Malaysia. A week after mum had left, I found myself on a plane back to Malaysia via Tokyo and Singapore! I resolved to make amends with my mother. After ensuring that mum was all right, I talked about issues I had been bitter about since I was a child. I have always taken good care of my mum even though I felt that she did not love me like she loved my brother. but filial piety in my culture is normal, and with the Biblical groundings, “to honor my father and mother“, I made sure that I did my best to take care of them.  

However, I harbored hurtful issues within myself and we briefly talked about it and resolved it. I felt such a great sense of relief and freedom - freedom from bitterness and unforgiveness.

Early this year, mum told me over the phone that doctors had found cancer cells in her body and they do not know where they are. She is undergoing a series of tests. My mum is 76 this year. I am so glad that I listened to that still, small voice - so glad that I returned to malaysia to spend time with mum - now I know why and the most amazing fact is that we have never enjoyed this close rapport as we do now.  

Life is just too short. I have come to realize that it is pointless to hold on to grudges or to grieve within. I have learned, the hard way, to let go... and let God help me forgive and heal.  

I now tell myself that it is non of my business what someone else thinks of me;  that avoiding an argument as Dale Carnegie advises is of utmost importance. I ask myself - if there are issues or problems, would it matter 5 years from now?

I am thankful to have had this chance to reconcile with my living precious mother. We are not perfect but we can choose to love unconditionally.

Happy New Year and may you all have your best year ever and let us cherish our parents while they are still on earth with us.



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Owlmaria wrote Jan 7, 2010
    • I’m sorry to hear about your mama. I think what you did took a lot of courage to say the things you did. Not all of us are able to talk with their “mother” and feel peace from the resulting conversation, all situations are different. I will always harbor ill will feelings towards my birth mother, who was not a good mother. I know about unconditional love, I have a 29 year old son with Down Syndrome. He has taught me patience, love, and what true unconditional love really is.
      We are not all like my son, he is unaware of a lot of the things that go on day-to-day and only knows when he has been hurt by someone. If he liked/ loved them before then he would still be “nice” to them but he has a natural ability to sense when someone has done wrong by him or has hurt one of our little family(myself, his younger brother and his step-father “Daddy“). His bio-father rejected him and considers my youngest son to be HIS only son. Daniel was not perfect b/c he was born retarded and has physical limitations. Oh, don’t get me wrong, he is able to care for himself and does a lot of things some people I know (men) can’t do! Cook, clean, do laundry and loves his family and will try to help me/ us whenever he is able. I do not feel anything about my ex......... He has had his “come-uponce” and is the one missing out on a wonderful young man.
      I lost my dad last Dec. 2nd to lung and prostate cancer and had not been able to speak to him in a very long time b/c of his wife- my bio-mother. It will take a long time before I will be able to think about forgiving her for things she did during the last year of my dad’s life.
      I’m sorry this is so long, I will keep you and your mother in my prayers. If that is alright with you. Take care, Maria



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Jan 7, 2010
    • So good that you went to visit with her.... it’s been 2 yrs since my mom passed and I miss her just as much today as the day she left us.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Clark wrote Jan 7, 2010
    • SARAY60:  I’m glad you were able to resolve your differences with your mother.  You never want to live another day with regrets.  That is the one thing that I know I can say...I have no regrets with my mother.  Did she aggravate me at times?  You bet she did....but all the phone calls that I use to get from her in one day....slowly subsided..and then there were none.  It was then that I longed for her to be able to pick up the phone and call me...or even have the ability to answer the phone if I called her.  So I tell people now that are dealing with aging parents...to just deal with the aggravation.  One day we are going to be the ones that are aggravating our own children.  

      I’m sorry your mother is going through this but I’m about to post an interview with Rick Warren as a blog that I just love.  You may or may not have read it before...but it really shows how God uses every situation and every single person...good or bad situations.  

      You are so right...those trivial things won’t matter even in a year from now.  I love this blog.  God Bless you and your mother!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Frannie1964 wrote Jan 7, 2010
    • Thats great you went to visit her and you chose to not hold onto your grudge anymore. You are right, life Is too short. I hope your mom knows how good It Is to have a daughter like you and that you are there for her. Happy new year to you and God bless. My prayers are with your mom.



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