Well, I guess I’m in the mood to blog. I haven’t done it in quite some time, but here goes.

I’ve been married for 18+ years and I find that I’m still a new bride, and and old married women depending on the day.  He can still make me blush, is amazing in the bed, and very tender and loving.  Other days, I feel like I’m not even marraied.  I had to take a long look at the reason why, and I’ve come to a few conclusions.

1.  I myself am not always the best wife. I sometimes criticize my mate. I let my anger and resentment toward some things, get the best of me. That being said, I have to expect responsibility for my part in the negative outcome.  I used to be much more attentive, wanted sex more, had a very sweet way of speaking, and would often tell him how special he was/is.

2.  I’ve let myself go.  I used to be a size 5, fit, excersized regularly, did my hair, make up and dressed to kill.  Now sometimes I don’t even shower for a couple days, live in my sweats, and don’t care what I look like.

3.  I live for the kids, instead for myself and my mate.  I made excuses about why I made some of these choices and realized a while back, that I let the kids rule me and my daily attitude.  Very unhealthy, for a successful marriage.  

4. I have been unrealistic in my expectations.  I can’t live in la la land, and expect to love/be loved by Prince Charming.  There are daily challenges to any relationship, and those that you think are perfect are not being looked at 100%.  There will always be good days and bad days.  Life happens and I need to always keep that in mind, before I open my mouth.  

5.  Speaking of opening my mouth, I have to remember to use caution in the things I say.  The tongue is so wicked at times, and I can be the cause of a really bad argument, just with my thoughtless words.  How can I expect him to love me unconditionally if I put road blocks in the way with mean words.

6.  I am my own worst enemy.  This is so true for me.  I sabotage my own efforts by letting things get in the way of my relationship.  When I think back on some of the stupid things I’ve said and done, it’s no wonder he’s even still married to me.  I have made some BIG mistakes, and expected total forgiveness. Geez...what did I expect??  

7.  I need to keep in mind that marriage/relationships grow in different ways.  I’ve changed, so why on earth do I expect him to stay the same?  I need to always remember that I want him to change and grow with me, not against me.  

8. Marriage isn’t a Harliquin Romance.  This is one that I had to learn the hard way.  I used to read so many books on romance that I expected my life to be like a book.  Now that I think about it in hidesight, I’m really glad I stopped reading them.  

9. My life isn’t like reality TV.  Those shows are edited down to a very small audience.  I can’t live my life as if I’m on TV. I have to live my life in the BIG REAL WORLD.

10.  When the kids are gone.  I’ve thought about this one a lot.  After 5 kids, I’m just about an empty nester. I looked at my relationship and decided that I still like being with him, more then I even realized.  It’s funny because when I thought about this 5 years ago, I wasn’t so sure. Now I see that I’m looking forward to the time alone together.  We still have sparks in our marriage, and I count my blessings everyday that I have a Husband who still finds me attractive, sexy, loving, amazing, and thoughful.

If you’ve read this far, thanks.  I just felt like sharing :)

Mayra