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I spent a full two hours last night watching the latest Maverick McCain and “That One” Obama debate. For a chick who hates politics, I’m sure finding this amusing. It is not so much what they have to say, which is really nothing, but the entertainment I get out of watching two men who try to convince me that they can lead a country as they wander around the stage. It’s priceless.

I’ve got to say, I’m not in favor of one candidate more than the other (do I need to re-post my disclaimer from the Biden/Palin blog? eh...no...just read it here and move on). However, after last night’s skit, I think overall Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-Barack did mighty fine. At least he looked like he knew what he was talking about...and he stayed on stage post-debate with that Target shopping wife of his for a hell of a lot longer than McNoBrain did. Perhaps Miss Cindy Loo-Hoo needed to get going...the mall was probably closing shortly.  

That said, let me get to my really important opinions. Since CNN won’t hire me to do blow-by-blow sarcastic comments, I just Twitter them throughout the debate. It’s as if I’m talking to myself yet amazingly, people do read my slanted views of this whole circus. If you missed that, or you aren’t following me on Twitter (come on, don’t be shy...I won’t ask you to buy my e-book or promise you a get rich quick scheme...don’t have one) then this blog will offer a bit of a recap.

Obama first....he didn’t hit my funny bone as much. Dammit.

Yawn  Barack...you're putting the country to sleep. You had a sharp suit on though. I was just hoping for a little wit. Then again, I think you're just not very funny. You're boring. Then again, maybe it was McCain's soft whispering that was slowing you down.  

What’s Your Answer? I’m not sure you ever answered one question last night. In fact, have you ever? Wait! You make the perfect politician! You‘re boring and you never answer a question. You talk a lot though...I’m just not sure what you say besides “change.” At least you are consistent.  

I’ll Be Honest Here...I didn’t really pay attention to you that closely. I was so focused on Johnny Maverick’s amusing antics and sexy voice that I can’t really pick on you. Yet. Next debate, you‘re blondie food. Just one question....have you ever hitched a ride with Joe to Home Depot or the local gas station? I hear he has a sweet ride...

McCain...It’s Your Turn, My Friend!

The Big Un-Easy! Good God, McCain. You looked like you were in your first grade school play last night. Was it the open-forum thing or do you just suck at relating to the regular people? You also need to take some Ginko Biloba dude. The name of the person asking the question was announced and you couldn’t even remember it two seconds later. “Thank you...errr...um...well, thank you, my friend.”  Not everyone is your friend, Johnny boy. Well, I might be if you give me one of your un-accounted for homes.  

Meg Whitman? You want Meg Whitman on your staff? Probably not a bad idea. She could clean up the debt problem by showing you how to start an eBay account. First, start auctioning off your homes, then proceed to list all of the valuable stuff in the White House on eBay. You don’t need it. You‘re a simple man, right? I’ll take first dibs on the White House holiday ornaments.....

Dropping Some G’s: Palin’s rubbing off on ya’ there, home slice...I mean, my friend. I heard you when you said “or somethin’ like that“. You‘re trying to appear folksy, aren’t you? It ain’t working. Oh, and calling Obama “That One“? Ick. I know, you just forgot his name like you did to all the other people in the audience. How are you going to remember anything if you get elected? Oh, that’s right...Palin will take care of that. She’s been a hockey Mom...she knows a thing or two about remembering stuff (like whether a game is home or away.....).

Your Voice: Were you out doing karaoke the night before the debate? You were whispering, John, and it was really creepy. Try a little lube or something prior to speaking. You‘re probably familiar with lube at your age.

Your Big Stick: What is it that you were trying to say? All I heard was “walk...talk....softly and carry a big stick.” Which one are we to do with this big stick? Walk or talk? If you were trying to do a little Teddy Roosevelt improv, you messed up. It’s SPEAK SOFTLY and CARRY A BIG STICK. You‘re running for President....you should know your god dammed history.

I’m done...it’s already almost 24 hours after the debate and I’m just not into it anymore. I’m not even sure if I’ll watch the next one. Although it’s a great excuse to Twitter and have snacks.



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