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MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE  

NICKNAMES:

    * If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and  Sarah.

    * If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Shit Head, Dumb Ass and Dick Breath.  

EATING OUT:

    * When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

    * When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.  

MONEY:

    * A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

    * A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.  

BATHROOMS:

    * A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

    * The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337.  A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.  

ARGUMENTS:

    * A woman has the last word in any argument.

    * Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.  

FUTURE:

    * A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

    * A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.  

SUCCESS:

    * A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

    * A successful woman is one who can find such a man.  

MARRIAGE:

    * A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

    * A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.  

DRESSING UP:

    * A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

    * A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.  

NATURAL:

    * Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

    * Women somehow deteriorate during the night.  

OFFSPRING:

    * Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

    * A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.  

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!



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