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In our 30+ years of research on successful marriage around the world, we have never heard anything as outrageous as the views espoused in a book entitled, A Gift for Muslim Couple , by Maulavi Ashraf Ali Thanvi.  Us being sick to our collective stomachs is a gross understatement of the outrage we feel about the garbage articulated in this book.

What's really, really sad about this morally bankrupt book is the incredibly mistaken belief that men are the masters of their wives.  How utterly ridiculous is that?  To suggest that women need to be controlled by their husband is ludicrous.  To suggest that women are to be punished if they don't obey their man is completely outrageous!  

The book we are referring to was written by a so-called "Muslim Scholar" ("so-called" is the operative word here!), Maulavi Ashraf Ali Thanvi.  While it was written decades ago, it is currently being sold in a Canadian bookstore.  A Gift to Muslim Couple  is full of morally indefensible and violence-provoking statements that call into question the credibility of the book's author.    

Frankly, we think the author has NO experience working with successfully married couples in the Muslim faith, or any faith!  His beliefs are embarrassingly ignorant!  

Here are a few examples.   If these don't make you feel outraged, nothing will.

This book actually advises men on the best ways to "beat their wives."  Moreover, this morally corrupt book actually suggests that men should hit their wives with "hand or stick or pull her by the ears."  To say this book encourages domestic violence is an understatement!

"If your wife doesn't follow the orders of the man, it might be necessary to restrain her with strength or even to threaten her."

Women cannot leave the house without the husband's permission according to this awful book.   And according to the author's distorted rendition of husbands and wives, "husbands have a right to restrain wives."  Men should, of course, according to this scholar, "refrain from beating his wife excessively."  How benevolent!

Or how about this – "The husband should treat the wife with kindness and love, even if she tends to be stupid and slow sometimes."  Stupid and slow??  What a wonderful way to describe your wife!

Trust us, this is NOT a book about newlyweds, as it purports to be.  This is a book written by someone who has not a clue about what it takes to have a successful marriage in modern society.  This is a book that was written by a mad man with a completely distorted view of marriage between a man and a women.  To write such a book in the name of Islam (or any religion) is an outrage!  To write such a book is an abomination, make no mistake about that.

And worse yet, this type of neaderthal thinking about marriage is sickening.  Inciting a man to hit a women is completely contrary to marriage in the United States and Canada and around the civilized world.  Suggesting that a man is "superior" to a women is ridiculous and utterly absurd.

Here's the problem – people do and say outrageous things in the name of religion.  And while we are not inherently opposed to any religion, we are opposed to anyone who espouses untruths about the sanctity of marriage within a religious context.  

Let's be serious here.  Suggesting that a marriage is anything but an equal contract between two people who love each other is to distort the reality of marriage today – whether it be marriage in the USA, Canada, South America, Europe, Asia, Australia/New Zealand, Africa, or beyond.

We have learned from our 30+ years of research around the world that marriage is an equal partnership between consenting adults who love each other – who believe that "they cannot imagine life without each other."  Those who espouse a contrary point of view are simply uniformed, out of touch with reality, or have an agenda steeped in unsubstantiated dogma or harmful religious doctrine.

Books like A Gift for Muslim Couple  are without merit and without any scientific basis.  Our suggestion to you – don't buy anything so morally bankrupt.  

You and your mate will be better served by reading books that portray the reality of marriage in the modern world – a marriage of equal partners who love each other and who accept the notion that a loving husband does not beat his wife, control her, make her decisions, or in any way condescend to her.  

By Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz

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