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Since the holiday season means [Link Removed] with friends and family who may be going through "the change" (*cringe*) themselves, I thought it would be fun to reinvent the Twelve Days of Christmas. Who needs a partridge in a pear tree, two turtledoves, or five golden rings? Well, maybe that last one...

What I'm offering you is The Twelve Days of Christmas, [Link Removed] might be your best defense against the possibility of such encounters as the line-budger, the road-rager, the last-20-pound-turkey-grabber, or your husband who is annoyingly as crisp and cool as a cucumber, despite the fact he was just cutting firewood...


  1. On the first day of Christmas, my true love (some might say vodka, but whatever) gave to me: a special pad in which I could pee...

  2. On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: two ice packs and a special pad in which I could pee...

  3. On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: [Link Removed], eleven pills for sleeping, ten pairs of earplugs, nine pairs of Spanx, eight bottles of hormones, seven bars of chocolate, six tubes of lube, five pairs of tweezers... four memo pads, three big fans, two ice packs and a special pad in which I could pee...


Happy holidays, everyone! How many more verses can YOU come up with?

Remember: Reaching out is IN! Suffering in silence is OUT!

Follow Ellen Dolgen on [Link Removed].

Shmirshky, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.

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