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Benefits
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Dear Fabulously 40,
This is my first time to try this blogging! I guessed I just want to get some opinion from the ladies of my peers!
I’m not going to bore you with details, so here it goes!
I am married to a wonderful man with 6 children between us, all grown up, except for my 16 years old whom we still have at home.
I travel often, and in one of my journey, I’ve met someone! Someone I must admit, I’m quite attracted to strongly! A few months have passed since that day when I received an invitation from him to chat on line!(He found me!) Of course, I accepted it. We have been in touch ever since! Sharing everything from our personal relationships to our children.
Perhaps, it is easier to be more honest with someone through the internet than in person! As long as no one gets hurt.
I don’t know if it is the fact that, I am now at my perimenopausal stage and suddenly got this attention that made my stomach fluttered, or just the thought of someone has taken an interests on me at my age has build this image in my head that “hey! I still got it“. The funny thing is I enjoy it! Is this normal?
If anyone else is going through the same thing, I would like to hear your story.
Regards,
miss1960
You might not like what I’m going to say...but you did ask.
I think your relationship with this man (online or not) is wrong. I think its being unfaithful...and someone WILL get hurt.
Do I think it’s normal? NO...but do I think our society is accepting relationships as this more so now...YES. UNFORTUANTELY!!
I think you are in dangerous territory.
If you are questioning it right on here now...then you must have some hesitations with it...that should be your first BIG CLUE.
I truly wish you the best....
Nice to meet you : ) Congrats on your first blog, that is very exciting!
Does this man live near you? Or do you know where he lives?
Any chance of meeting him in person?
Hi Stephanie,
Nice to meet you.
The chance of meeting again in person is somewhat vague, since we live in a different countries!
Though, I think through our chats we’ve got to know each other a lot more than intended to.
Whoa...whoa...whoa...what is going on here with this man is what we call in Mid-Life Crisis and transition as an Emotional Affair. Yes, it is a symptom of MLC...to find the attention of another man as emotionally fulfilling...even relight your pilot light in this area, if it has become boring or dormant. It is NOT a good choice...it will be considered betrayal by your husband AND your children (no matter what their age), if he/they learn of what has been going on....it can lead to a physical affair....people will get hurt if you continue. An affair is affair...whether it is emotional or physical...it is the intent that causes it to be this way. There is more going on here than you think...you need to look within yourself, instead of looking to another to fill you up with worthiness and significance. Please go to my forum at www.womeninmlc.lefora.com/forum/ and read the many articles/posts from women and their spouses that are going through or have gone through exactly what you have described and then come back here and tell me if what you are doing will not hurt anyone.
Mary Clark was right on the money with her response...but you chose to ignore hers and respond to Stephanie who asked where this guy lives and if you could meet him in person....Why?...Do you think you responded to Stephanie instead of Mary Clark because this is what you wanted to hear...someone who would join you in the excitement...encourage you to pursue it...give you permission to continue? (Though I am unsure if this was Stephanie’s intent) You are not alone in this sort of thing...many women are doing the same thing and think the same as you are...but it is not normal and it has a clear explanation. Again, you will learn a lot more at the forum on this subject...so, please go and read through it...you will learn much there!
I can totally relate. I had that experience about several years ago. I was flattered. I was excited. I felt love again. I knew deep down it’s not right and would not work out but the FORCE was so great. It did cause a lot of emotional turmoil, not able to sleep, think of that Mr. Wonderful more often than the one living in your household, wanted to sneak out and see him, your mind was totally occupied by that... it was draining. Now when I look back - of course since I am back to my senses - it would be someone I would never even consider ... somehow, they came in the time we are vulnerable and they knew how to spot that out... Miss 1960.. I cannot tell you what to do for everyone told me not to do it but it was a phrase I have to tread thru myself. So all I can say is to seek a private counselor to discuss this. There maybe some deep underlying secrets of yours yet to be discovered by you only. Good luck. Handle with care, I will say!
Hi Stephanie,
I think some people feel bored or unloved after a period of time and this type of online romance can make them feel ALIVE again! But Stephanie.. it isn’t real... and even if you were to meet, it would never be what you had imagined in your mind that it is, or could be. AND... even if it were... and let’s say you ended up with him..... 10 or 20 years from now... you may start to feel the same way... you know bored, or unloved... BUT this time BETRAYED, which leads to an awful pain in one’s heart. Afterall, he knows you are married at this time and it doesn’t seem to matter to him.
I am only trying to help save you from heartbreak my friend!
Let me tell you a short story.
I was a widow. After a lengthy time I knew I needed to start venturing outside of my saddened soul. Hestitant to look at any type of online sites to open my mind to loving again some day, I just did it one day. It felt uncomfortable,but after awhile it seemed to brighten my days. And I met a wonderful man. We talked nearly every day online and my world got even brighter. He was handsome and had a very prestigous job. We met briefly at a fair so that we could just see each other only in public. He was very handsome. Even more than I could imagine. We continued to talk every day.... and then I invited he and his children to my parents to swim and have dinner. My daughter and granddaughter we there as well. To make a long story short.... I drove to another city to pick his daughter up and take her to the airport (my daughter went with me) so that she could fly to Florida where he was already. (She stayed behind for a court hearing for a friend.)
To make the story short... he wrote my daughter a thank you note and told her what a beautiful woman she was.
I didn’t want to believe what I KNEW inside!!!! I didn’t even want to find out!!!! But I FINALLY asked if he found my daughter attractive. He admited that when he met my daughter he was instantly attracted to HER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was CRUSHED!!!
It is so easy for someone to meet someone ONE time and chat online and find that person more magical than what they already have. Please don’t get “sucked in.”
I am so very lucky I found out in time who,what, he is.
And I met someone who is REAL and wonderful and I thank God for him every day. If your husband is REAL and a nice guy... please do not let him go. Especially not for a “feel good.”
I wish you the very,very best. Please let us know what you decide. And know that I will never judge you.
I do not think you found this site by mistake.
I believe in my heart that you are feeling guilty about talking to this man and it is why the question was put out there, about anybody else doing it.
I am not judging... Really... I am hoping that all of us telling you like it is, will help you . It is a dangerous road you are walking down. It will only lead to destruction.
Miss1960, all of us women have felt the void you are feeling at one time or another. It is how we choose to fill that void that makes the difference.
TRUE HAPPINESS LIES INSIDE OF YOU... NOT ANOTHER MAN...OR BIGGER HOUSE OR CAR OR BIGGER DIAMONDS OR CLOTHES, THE LIST GOES ON...
These things will only be a temporary fix.
You really need to look deep inside and ask yourself what is going on here? There is a self esteem problem... Girl, you need to KNOW that you STILL GOT IT AS YOU SAY ,regardless of what this man says to you. When we look for our confidence in others we are always going to be on a rollercoaster ride. Up and Down. Because one day someone is going to say we look great and the very next day someone will say something we perceive as negative.
Please put your time and energy into the relationship that you have a great investment in already. Again, alot of us have had that void... Fill it with positive things.
There are 2 wonderful books that brought my marriage to a new level when I applied the lessons in the book. One is The Five Love Languages and the other is The Power of A Praying Wife.
You have INVESTED years in your family... I do not think ANY man is worth the hurt of loosing the trust and respect that you have earned over your lifetime with your children and husband.
Really ask yourself, If your husband was doing what you are doing right now, how would you feel?..... not a good feeling is it???
You are standing at the road right NOW where alot of us have stood... You Choose which way you go. It is a choice...
BLESSINGS or CURSES is what that sign above you should read.
I pray that the Lord will instill wisdom in you to make that right choice.
Again, you have not found this site by mistake... I have a saying I say all the time and will say again... Good judgement comes from experience...Most of that from bad judgement... Please listen...
Miss 1960,
The previous comments admonishing the “no-no” of this relationship are right on! Trust me...“been there, done that, survived to tell“... but loads of folks got hurt in the process. Which is why I’m rather adamant about steering clear of anything that could drive a ‘wedge’ in a committed relationship with emphasis on “committed” as marriage.
Having said that, it is certainly flattering - at any age - to have another man show interest. But there’s a whole lot of difference between the silver-haired gentleman in the corner of the restaurant who smiles & nods my direction or looks at me more than once & may stop to say something like “what lovely hair you have!” AND a man from another country (that’s the first clue) who may have very different cultural norms, who seems quite content to pursue a relationship with a woman I assume he knows is married. While such relationships can remain platonic friendship-only; that is rare!
My advice - which is no different than the others here before me - is “break it off” now before you are in so deep that breaking it off becomes ugly. And trust me, it can become so!
Just my 2-cents worth for what it’s worth!
Linda S. Fitzgerald
As exciting as an online relationship can be, they are also as devastating. Cling to your husband and children...find a renewal somehow. Ask him on a date, flirt, put him first. I know that putting my husband first, after God, of course, makes our relationship stronger. And then he puts be first too. Excitement is just that..exciting. It generally does not last. Love and laughter, Angela
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