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A trophy wife, a red convertible, and an obsession with their looks all are signs of a man's midlife crisis. No one thinks twice about it. It's entirely different when a woman in her forties goes through the transformation.

Linda who recently turned forty and entered the golden age, describes it best: "In my twenties I was all about getting the right degree, the right job, a good looking boyfriend. At thirty it was all about responsibilities. Married with children, life took a completely different turn. The whole decade was about everyone but me."

  midlife    

For so many women, searching to find themselves again is what sparks the crisis.
True, she has three awesome kids to show for it, but sometimes that's just not enough. "I love my family, but I don't do enough for me. Sometimes I just want to disappear and have fun, instead of paying the bills, worrying about the kids, and taking care of a husband."  

Linda's mom saw early signs of what looked like a depression and stepped in. She bought her daughter a trip to a spa and paid for one month of personal training with a coach. In one month Lisa 's shapely body began to form into her young self and she was smiling once again.

Nancy on the other hand had a family meeting and announced that unless she starts spending time by herself, doing something creative she is going to go mad. Her family readily agreed to give her the space she needed.

Other women deal with midlife crisis' in a different way, some opt for a boob job, tummy tuck, or botox injections.




We all have different needs and wants, while I paint and knit, a friend of mine runs 6k miles a day to keep her sanity. But we both agree that we are much happier now then we were fifteen years ago.

What has changed for you since you turned forty?
Have you gone through a midlife change?

Would love to hear from you.



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Deb Link wrote Sep 23, 2008
    • I’ve made it to my 40’s and wouldn’t trade it for anything and wouldn’t want to do it all over again either.  I think I gone through midlife changes several times throughout my lifetime.  Thinking back I’ve had major life changes for every decade in my life and they all felt like a “crisis“.  I’m more comfortable in my own skin than I have ever been before.  I know that all of the major issues in my life have made me who I am today.  My boyfriend asked me the other day if I knew how strong I was.  I stopped and thought about what he asked.....yeah, he’s right, I am a strong woman.  Wow, never thought I’d say those words.  I’m a strong woman and I’m in my 40’s!  :)



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Rene' Grandon wrote Sep 23, 2008
    • Yana,
      I just turned 40 last November. My husband and I were discussing turning 40 because he too has struggled with it,and he turns 43 next March. He asked me often how I am feeling about being 40. He knows I was very upset on my birthday last year and with upcoming birthday of 41, I must admit I am still swimming in pool of denial but at least I am in the shallow in now. I asked him how long it took him to get use to ideal he was 40 and he said any day now. He hasn’t got a new car,or his motorcycle yet. He does tell me I am his younger women and he needs no other.
      As for me I am still trying to rediscover who I am without being a full time mom. I am trying to forgive myself for not having myself all together at what I have always considered to be the magic age. I am like many of you out there I want to find out what I am made of, what I enjoy and how I can stretch my creative wings. I haven’t found my niche yet but hopefully it will happen soon. Midlife crisis no but hopefully midlife rediscovery!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Sep 23, 2008
    • My 20’s were devoted to a husband who was far too immature to be married. My 30’s were spent with an abusive man. I’m 47 and I’m still working through the discomfort of doing what I want to do. I’m married to a man with a strong personality. He’s devoted to me but he has a very robust ego. I can see it on his face, he often times resents that I am building my business, cultivating friendships, anything that takes time away from him. I really believe that he expects me to take care of anything “me” related while he’s either at work or busy and then when he comes home, he has my undivided attention. But even though it’s uncomfortable, I’m still doing what I need to do. Not exactly sure if it’s a midlife crisis but I do believe it’s a midlife awareness of some kind. Maybe a midlife revolution?



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Shawna88 wrote Sep 23, 2008
    • Hi Yana!  

      I look and feel better than I EVER have. I’m 42, and it all started when I downsized my stressful six figure job and started doing some things for myself - like starting a new landscape design business that I enjoy, writing a newspaper column, and writing a book. I still have a busy married and parenting life, but now I have even more - - positive self-esteem and a glass is half-full mindset. My husband has been a great support and it’s been awesome.  

      If you want to learn more about what all I’ve done you can go to my website - www.thecasualgardener.com. Believe me, if I can do it, so can you. Here’s the reality - you’ll never know what you can stretch yourself to unless you try it. My advice is to jump in the deep end and start swimming, you never know what will happen because of it.

      Keep up the positive thinking and LIVE! 40 is not the end - it’s the BEGINNING!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Coachmombabe wrote Sep 23, 2008
    • My mom, sisters, and several close friends threw me a surprise party for my 40th birthday. I felt so blessed to be able to share my life with such awesome women. Less than 2 years later one of my dearest friends passed away. Her death gave me pause to consider my life’s purpose and started me on an incredible journey that I’m still on today. I became a Life Coach in 2003, the Director of a crisis pregnancy in 2004, in 2006 began the vision of a life transformation home for women and saw the doors open in April 2008. I’m 51 now and I’ve never been more excited about my life!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lisa Jander wrote Sep 23, 2008
    • Oh rats...I don’t get to play. I’m 50 (but I love every minute of it!)



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Nina O wrote Sep 23, 2008
    • I’m not sure I’m ready for it but, I just don’t have a choice do I.  Perimenopause hit right before my 40th birthday.  I’m cryin’ more than ever. Nothing has actually changed for the better for me yet.  I’m still doing the same thing I was doing 8 years ago.  I‘VE GOTTA’ MAKE A CHANGE or I’m going to go WHACKO!

      Nina



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cheryl Phillips wrote Sep 23, 2008
    • I was 2 years post divorce when I turned 40 with children 3, 5, 7 ,18, 19. I was still dealing with the after effects of divorce, finances, a busy job and no real life outside of work and children. Well, it was a real life, but I had little time for “me“.

      I’d say the big change came when I was about 43. Life just started falling into place. I was calmer than ever and realized that I could not control the world. I also realized that I had to stop looking for a “man” because I wasn’t happy with anyone I found...mainly because I needed to take care of ME first. So I did....

      Now at 45, I’m letting things go that used to irk me. If the kids don’t always make their bed in the morning, I just let it go. I’m a neat freak but I’ve even relaxed that a bit. I am also a very hyper, “have to be doing something” type of woman and when I was in my accident 16 mos ago, I learned to appreciate a slower pace. Maybe it was someone’s way of telling me to slow down.

      I’m definitely more confident with my body and myself in general. I think I went thru my crisis stage in my late 30’s to early 40s. I am most definitely in a great place now....someone I adore is in my life (timing is everything), my kids are doing fantastic and I don’t stress over every little thing.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Amy L. Harden wrote Sep 23, 2008
    • Most of what everyone has talked about here is not Mid-life Crisis (MLC)...it is Mid-Life Transition (MLT).  Some people easily transition into Mid-life hitting a few bumps in the road, minor depression, while others experience the “change” much more dramatically...in both cases...it is life changing...it is the degree to which one experiences it that determines how it is defined. Women in MLC lose all sense of identity, self-esteem...they are lost, fighting to even get up in the morning...to greet the day.  Going to the spa, buying a bright shiny new car or a new outfit, changing their look will not bring them out of the intense emotions and feelings that they fight with on a daily basis.  

      A woman can experience an MLC at any time after they turn 40...it can even be delayed until they turn 50 or older...so don’t consider yourself out of the woods, if you haven’t experienced something close to MLC or MLT...and if you you never do...you have definitely dodged a bullet.

      A mid-life crisis occurs for many reasons...it is laced with confusion, frustration, destructive/erratic behavior and maybe having an affair(emotional or physical). Triggers are death in the family, illness, care taking of a parent, empty nest syndrome, divorce, spouse’s infidelity, career change, move, unplanned baby, miscarriage, becoming a Grandmother, unmet goals and dreams or all of the above over a period of time, coupled with “The Change“.  Much of how you will be able to deal with mid-life will depend on your coping skills or mindset.  If you cope well with stress and change...you will probably transition...if you have unresolved childhood issues, inability to deal with stress or change, consumed by your roles as a mother and wife and have lost yourself as an individual identity away from these roles...well, the chances that you could move in to crisis goes up dramatically.

      I hate to be the bearer of bad news but Mid-Life Crisis is not so simple nowadays. I coach women and men of wives who are dealing with severe MLC on a daily basis.  Women walk out on their husbands and children, become addicted to alcohol and drugs, become homeless due to poor management of their money, lose their jobs, find themselves in mental institutions, become sexually promiscuous, enter in to having affairs...one of my clients even tried committing suicide before she came to me.  

      For some women it is a revolution...a positive movement toward change, while for others it is torture, mentally, physically and emotionally.  You are blessed if you have made it through this season of your life on a positive note, but many women today find themselves without their marriages intact,their children hurt beyond repair and they are very much alone and feeling lost.  I see it every day on my forums, at my blogs and in my practice and it breaks my heart....I was almost one of these women!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Kelly-Williams, M.A. wrote Sep 24, 2008
    • I’ve never called it a crisis.  I call it a transition...full of growth and redefining who one is.  “The nature of life is change“.  It’s all good.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kristine McDavid wrote Sep 24, 2008
    • I spent my 20’s and 30’s working on me, not wasting time in bad relationships just because I needed a man.   I turned 40 this year, got married for the first time, to the nicest guy, the perfect one for me, and now that I am comfortable with who I am and have a solid relationship, I am going to try to have kids.  No midlife crisis here.  I am going to have fun, stay positive, embrace my age, and live a good life.   I think time is precious, and I am not going to blow one minute of my life in crisis.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dee Dee Shaw wrote Sep 28, 2008
    • Hmm, I don’t call it a crisis, or transition. I call it a re-evaluation. You come to a point in life when you realize half of it is behind you, and half of it yet to come. It is time to start asking questions. Will I/ do I have regrets about the life I have lived? What can I do differently? Many times we find we have lived our lives for someone else. As with every day of our lives, each choice we make will have consequences.... for ourselves and others.... for, well, eternity really. Our choices affect not only us, but our children which in turn affect their children, etc.

      For me, it meant realizing that I had lived my life dying to self (in a bad way) trying to be someone I wasn’t just to keep peace in my little world. I had a lot of things going on personally that were causing me to stop and find focus. Just because we enter mid-life doesn’t give us the freedom to excuse stupidity. People who walk out on their families, turn to alcohol, abandon everything they’ve grown up believing, are still responsible for themselves and their actions, no matter what guise they try to hide behind.
      I definitely went through a transition though. I am allowing myself to be me, and not asking for forgiveness for it either. I explained my frustrations to my husband, who had no clue that I had become someone else and had been living for family for the past 22 years.  

      So life is changing at my house. I am saying what I think, even if it might be contraversial. I went out and bought myself a horse... actually two. I am going to rekindle a love that I allowed to die when I got married. I have decided that I can reclaim the figure I once had... 12 babies and 22 years ago. I am only a few inches away from that, and it feels great! I love to help others find their focus, and be successful too.  

      My husband and I passionately love one another, but we are polar opposites. I have come to grips with that, and have decided it doesn't mean I have to give up all the things I love, just so he can have and do what he enjoys. To some it may look as if we are drifting apart. I think we are realizing that we love one another enough to be ourselves and not feel theatened. I still can't believe it took this long for me to arrive. I am thankful that I have also been able to reclaim my health (something that happened in my thirties) so that I can live life and enjoy it now that I have reached the top of the hill and can see more clearly.  

      One thing that we have done as a family is decide that we don’t have to be stuck where we are, just because we’ve always been here. My husband found a job in Colorado, and we are about to embark on a major transistion. We have always lived in the deep south. My husband leaves in November, and the children (nine still at home) and I will be “on our own” until the house sells. Then we pack up everything, and move across the country. A family our size can accumulate a lot of stuff. The move won’t be easy, but what kind of life do you have to look back on if you never take risks? We will also be moving a menagerie of animals - 5 or 6 horses, at least that many dairy goats, 2 dogs, 2 cats, and all the paraphenalia that goes along with having that many animals. It will be crazy! I have joked that we’ll have to have a rocking chair tied on top because I am going to feel a bit like the Beverly Hillbillies. It was because of this re-evaluation period in our lives that we decided to “go for it.” Regret is not something I want as a constant friend in my old age. I can’t stand to be around older people who are constantly complaining and whining. I don’t want to become someone I don’t like.
      I am thankful for 40, think it is fabulous, and look forward to the future.  

      Sharing Hope,

      Dee Dee



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Barbara Ayres wrote Oct 7, 2008
    • http://images.fabulously40.com/uploadedimage/1477/thumbx120/306a-Murten.jpg!

      I’m well over-the-hill to mid life and I have pretty much experienced MLT.  I like that term better too.  Power Surges and all.  Since turning 40, I have done some pretty awesome things.  I performed on stage for the first time at 50, learned to ski at 55, got my college degree at 58 and generally love life.  40+ is my prime. I like being here.  I have enough money to travel. I have a job I love and there is finally time for me which I guiltlessly take.


      Barb1, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Coachmombabe wrote Oct 7, 2008
    • Barb, my mom (70) is still having hot flashes. She calls hers “power surges” too. Your comment made me giggle thinking of her. I hope I look as good as she does at 70!



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