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Surprising Key to Allowing More Love In Your Life

Why is it so easy to see what others are doing wrong, and so difficult to see our own errors in judgment?

Why are we born with this self defeating tendency?

When I read in the Abraham Hicks material that The Art of Allowing is the decision to let people other people live life as they choose with no opinion making by me, I was surprised.

Could my choice to stay out of other people's business actually improve my chances of receiving the love I was asking the Universe for?

Hmmm.

But, I KNOW they are making mistakes.

Really? Just how sure am I about that?

Ok, let's test it out. A friend of mine is racking up a lot of credit card debt. I see it happening and it makes me worry. Should I say something or not?

Even if I do not say something, inside of me there is a strong current of thought all about them, their choices and their potential consequences.

Even as I write that, a part of me sees how pointless that is. I don't really have any power to change their choices, even if I did confront them on their spending habits. Besides, look how much of my time and energy I am putting into someone else's drama!

Just what are my options anyway? If I say something, will it benefit our relationship? Probably not. No one likes to have their weak spots pointed out.

If I don't say anything and keep worrying about it, I have no peace of mind about it. After all, anyone can see that they are making the "wrong" choices. If I choose to say nothing and then work on my worried thoughts, at least I have something I can do.

After all, they are MY thoughts and thoughts can be changed. Do I really want to spend so much time thinking about someone else's life?

I can help myself focus on my worry habit and who knows, maybe my choice to stay out of their business will bear more fruit for my life and their lives too.

Abraham Hicks thinks so. He teaches us clearly that if we want to allow our good to come to us, we can speed up our progress by allowing other people's lives to unfold without our interference.
Now there is a challenge worth taking on!

How does my worrying about others affect my relationship with my man or finding my soul mate? Plenty. Worry, anxiety and complaining are not exactly the ways to a man's heart. Learning to let go of those low vibrating thoughts and allowing my friends and family to choose their own paths frees me to think about more joyful things.

Joy and peace are VERY attractive to friends and lovers. Choosing to let others live their lives without my input equips me to be lovingly detached from my man's personal choices. When he feels less pressured to measure up to my expectations, he is opening up to me in very real ways.

That makes me feel loved and respected....and that feels delicious!

***Are you out of tune with your man? Did he used to be in to you but now you are not so sure? Were you sure he was your soul mate and now you are thinking, "What was I thinking?"

Looking for more ideas on how to enhance your relationship? Would you like to feel more loved and cherished? Maybe your Love Set Point is set too low. [Link Removed] and take control of your love life!


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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Daphne wrote Oct 21, 2008
    • While i agree with the overall concept of letting others live their lives, i disagree with not getting involved.  Telling someone there is an oncoming train is a person’s responsibility.  Throwing yourself on the tracks in an effort to keep them from being squashed isn’t.  

      To share with a friend that you are concerned about something they are doing is one thing...losing sleep about their not doing anything about it is another.  You did your part by sharing your concern...now it’s in THEIR hands what happens.  In my opinion, THIS is the point where you “let others live their lives“.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Shopgirl1960 wrote Oct 21, 2008
    • I think humor is a great way to give advice without the other person realizing it. For the example above I would say,“Give me some of that credit girl!” (A laugh) “I have sworn off spending too much on my cards...but right about now I would spend on yours.” (Again,laughter)

      A friend will usually fess up as to why they are doing it, but I still do not give advice. I may state as to why I am concerned for myself if I should feel compelled to over do it on a card.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Michelle Bodycombe wrote Oct 21, 2008
    • I agree with daphne.

      Life in itself is interaction...how we interact is where the question lies.  

      I think Abraham Hicks is talking about emotional energy interference.  Daphne said it well with the oncoming train analogy.

      Voicing our concern without emotional attachment is the key.

      good questions to ask oneself before giving advice are:

      What is my motivation?  And what are my expectations?

      Another good one is...what am I afraid of?

      Also...pay attention to the vibration in your solar plexus and this will let you know how attached you are to an expected outcome.

      ...love is all there is, only love is real...



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Catherine Behan wrote Oct 21, 2008
    • Wow!

      Thanks to all for your insight!!  I agree totally that following that inner leading...the wisdom of the body brain is the answer.

      I know that when I noticed how much time I was spending in worry was out of proportion!  I learned to say what I need to say and then let it go.

      Mastering where my mind spends its time is my goal!  When I did take my mind off of my friend’s credit problem, it eventually left my consciousness.  That feels really good.  Just re-reading my post, I realize I haven’t thought about that part of her life for a long time.

      We are still friends and she knows if she needs help she can ask but leaving that issue in her own hands has freed up my mind for my own life.

      Nice.

      Celebrating Love,
      Catherine



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Almostfive0 wrote Oct 21, 2008
    • I feel what you are saying Lisa as well as the other ladies...
      A lot of times we may feel a certain way based on our own experiences or something that we may need to work out within our own selves.
      It is really not our place to give advice to anyone.
      Where someone is at on their path is where they are supposed to be at that moment.  

      I do come across this myself at times especially in dealing with my daughter.

      When she calls to vent about a problem she may be having it’s hard for me to only listen without interjecting my opinion. I fear for her at times living in New York by herself and trying to make it on her own.
      I always have to remind myself that this is her life and her decisions.
      Like Bodycomb stated I have learned to ask myself what my motives are behind any decision that I make.
      I found that my opinions to her are usually all about my fears and not about hers.
      Now when she calls me I ask her what are her motives? What does she want the end result to be? How does she intend on getting there?
      In this way I am still helping her but not giving my opinion.

      We all have to eventually walk our own paths.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dee Dee Shaw wrote Oct 21, 2008
    • I agree with everyone. :) How’s that for being diplomatic? If we are Christians, then the Bible calls us to love our neighbor as ourselves. There are times when we need to mind our own business, and times when the wounds of a friend are better than the kiss of an enemy (paraphrase). There have been many times my friends have ‘butted in’ and helped me get back on track, for which I am very grateful. There have been times I wished they’d kept their thoughts to themselves, but saw the underlying motive as loving so I overlooked what I could have taken as an insult.
      I like the questions - what are our motives? What are we expecting the end result to be?
      I don’t worry about other people’s choices, but I feel compelled to at least share when I know that I can offer hope. Some people take offense to that. I am sorry they feel that way, but it won’t keep me from tossing out the lifeline to see if they want to grap hold or if they prefer to tread on their own. I am reminded of the Proverb that says withhold not good from those who you have the power to help (another paraphrase). Another scripture that goes with me everywhere and compels me to speak up even when I’d rather not get involved is “My people die for lack of knowledge.” If we have knowledge that can save someone from physical, financial, or emotional misery, shouldn’t we speak up? I say yes, in love, not condescension, ... and then leave the decision making up to them. For me it leaves my conscience clear, where as remaining silent seems like an insult (as if I didn’t feel our friendship important or stable enough to speak my thoughts.)  

      Sharing Hope,
      Dee Dee



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cindylouwho1966 wrote Oct 21, 2008
    • What about friends who are always A) bitching about the same thing over and over or B) ask your advice but never take it?



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dianne67 wrote Oct 21, 2008
    • In a quick answer to cindylouwho1966.

      I cut a friend out of my life that was toxic and always repeating the same patterns and getting the same results.  Always talking about change and never doing it.  And always asking for advice and not taking it.  

      She consumed me.  She took time away from me by her constant chatter for hours on the phone.  She gave nothing back.

      I went through being there for her during her divorce.  When my divorce happened I still listened to only her problems.  Her life is just bullshit drama.

      I have her out of my life and I focus on what is important to me.

      My life is now about spending the time doing things that are important and cutting out the waste.

      Hugs-
      Dianne



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Daphne wrote Oct 21, 2008
    • Cindylou...it’s time to set some boundaries if a “friendship” involves incessant bitching with no action to change what the bitching is about.  Time to step up and re-align the balance of the relationship, too.  Consider the saying, “If you aren’t part of the solution, you must be part of the problem.”  Another is “You teach people how to treat you.”  This includes allowing a “friend” to hammer away at you with the same bitch.  “TIME OUT!  I’ve heard this song before and i’m growing weary of it!”  

      Regarding the friend who asks for your advice and never takes it: Some people believe that advice is worth what you pay for it...and if you‘re being asked for advice and it is never being taken, i think you‘re dealing with one of those people.

      If both of those scenarios are coming from the same friend, what must she bring to the table?  She’d have to bring something pretty fantastic to the friendship in order for someone to allow her to treat them so poorly and with such little regard...but, for the life of me, i can’t imagine what it might be.  If i constantly bitched to someone and never followed any of their advice which i asked for, i’d have to be dealing with someone for whom i don’t have much respect.

      With regard to the theme of this post & thread, allowing the aforementioned friend to live his/her life without interference is the perfect solution.  If you told this friend a train was coming, sounds like this friend would bitch about it, ask you what she should do, and then not take your advice.  Hmmmm...



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Catherine Behan wrote Oct 21, 2008
    • Wow!!  Love this thread!  I was inspired by the Sex in The City girls in the episode where Carrie had broken up with Big and all she could talk about was her decision 24/7.  The girls confronted her and told her they had had enough.  Carrie ended up in counseling.

      I had to do the exact thing the other day.  Because I work with relationships professionally, some friends tend to lean on me a bit for advice.  When it is light hearted and feels right, I am ok with that.  

      Recently I had to tell a friend that our conversations were getting out of balance.  She asked what I meant and I explained that I wanted to talk about other things than her boyfriend.  She was startled but did take my word to heart.

      Saying things are out of balance was a neutral way for me to shift the focus of our chats.  I am responsible for my own energy and if I am getting worn out by someone’s drama, I owe it to myself to call it a day.

      Thanks to everyone for sharing their wisdom!!

      This rocks!
      Catherine
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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cindylouwho1966 wrote Oct 21, 2008
    • The woman is my best friend since the age of 9, and we have been thru a lot, I mean A LOT together. This is the woman who helped nurse my mom the times when I couldn’t get back to OH, among many other things.  

      She is married to this ASSHOLE who, when she tells me stuff he says, my head about explodes because I do not understand his logic. Seriously. The stuff he claims is so far out of anything I’ve ever read or heard, that it makes my circuits cross.

      I have recently told her, if this is a problem over and over, why are you putting up with it? What are you doing about it? I’ve also told her since she never listens to me, I’m not giving advice.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cindylouwho1966 wrote Oct 21, 2008
    • It’s in my nature to “fix” things (I must be part guy).



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Catherine Behan wrote Oct 21, 2008
    • Hey Cindy Lou,

      Boy I can relate.  It is hard to see a person in pain much less have to listen to it all the time.

      You may need to limit her access to you.  It is possible the most loving thing you can do is screen her calls and only speak to her when YOU want to.

      I recently let go of a 20 year friendship because truth be told, I felt awful when I talked or rather listened to her.  Feeling awful is not what friendship is supposed to be.

      If you limit the time you speak to her, at least you can feel some relief.

      Bless your heart....you are trying to be a BFF but this friendship may be running on fumes.

      The coolest thing ever is that if you step away, the Universe will fill the gap with a new relationship in an amazing way!!

      I am 55 and I have seen a lot of friendships come and go over the years.  It is ok to let go.  Remember how you feel when you are with a friend is your sign.

      Say to yourself....I want to feel good in my friendships.  Say it several times a day.  It is the truth after all,

      Catherine



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Daphne wrote Oct 21, 2008
    • Sounds to me like you’ve got it well under control, Cindylou!  I have to say...i LOVE your passion when you write.  I FELT your circuits crossing when i read about the husband!  :c)



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Daphne wrote Oct 21, 2008
    • Catherine...i hope you didn’t sleep with the guy in your counselor’s waiting room, like Carrie did.  I’m a HUGE SATC fan...i’ve seen them all at LEAST 10 times...and can almost recite the lines verbatim.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dee Dee Shaw wrote Oct 21, 2008
    • LOL @ Daphne
      Lu,
      I think you should just politely ask her not to share with you about her jerk of a husband because it makes you dislike him so much. One of my favorite things to tell complainers is “If you don’t like the way something is, change it instead of complain about it.” I even tell my husband this sometimes. As a result, he put his resume’ on the net and found a new job in Colorado! (with my blessing) Of course there are sometimes things we can’t change and we have to learn to live with, but by and large we have to ability to make choices. And choices come with consequences. Maybe your answer can be “that’s your choice“. :)  

      Sharing Hope,

      Dee Dee



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dee Dee Shaw wrote Oct 21, 2008
    • BTW, I am a ‘fixer’ too. Not so sure it is gender specific. :)  

      Dee Dee



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cindylouwho1966 wrote Oct 21, 2008
    • With this woman, there were two times when I had to step in and not mind my own business, and that was marriage #2 and marriage #3 (to the above-mentioned A-HOLE.) I warned her not to marry either of these guys (she did anyway) and the marriages were not just bad, they were/have been DISASTERS. Hub 2 was someone that no one, and I mean no one liked. She had gotten pregnant and decided she ought to marry him, even after I begged, screamed, reasoned, etc. When they did tie the knot, they did it at the courthouse and didn’t tell anyone. He turned out to be a cross-dresser who ruined her credit, gambled all their money away on the boats and racked up hundreds of $$ in 900# calls.  

      Shoulda-coulda-woulda, now after I made the warnings, I have to hear the constant complaints. For someone like me, it is very frustrating to give what I know is good advice and have it ignored. Went thru the same thing with my mom before she died.  

      Anyhoo, I have backed off the buttinsky biz. I have another friend who, when she calls, I ask up front-do you want advice, or do you just want me to listen?



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