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Just when you think you have heard it all, along comes Mo'Nique! Here is what she says about her marriage to Sid—“Could Sid have sex outside of his marriage with me? Yes. That’s not a deal-breaker,” she says. “That’s not something that would make us say, ‘Pack your things and let’s end the marriage.‘”
And according to US.Magazine.com she says "she wouldn’t call it quits even if he had numerous flings."
We are sorry Mo'Nique, but you and people like you send a terrible message to those who are married – to those who are in love. You are plain wrong and your message is not supported by any research on we have conducted around the world! Here's why.
We have studied marriage on six continents of the world for 27+ years. We have interviewed successfully married couples in over 40 countries. And we find absolutely no support for your notion of marriage anywhere in the world! Period!
Mo'Nique talks about her "prior marriages." The truth is this is a recurring theme. People who fail at marriage multiple times now think they are experts at marriage. Worse yet, because they are celebrities their greatly publicized lifestyle becomes a model for others to follow about fidelity, good marriage, trust, truth, and successful relationships.
Her so-called marriage does NOT reflect the formula for success we have found and reported in our new book, Building a Love that Lasts: The Seven Surprising Secrets of Successful Marriage (Jossey-Bass/Wiley, 2010).
Comments attributed to Mo'Nique are, in fact, the antithesis to what we know and have learned about great marriages around the world over nearly three decades of research on successful marriage.
The problem is – and because she is a "celebrity" based on her Academy Award nomination for the movie entitled Precious – people listen to her irrespective of her expertise or knowledge base about what makes for great marriages. They listen to her because of her celebrity status. Bad idea!
The fact is trust is at the core of successful and long-term marriages. In our thousands of interviews over the years, happily married couples have told us repeatedly and with passion – they would never engage in infidelity, they would never cheat on the one they love. The key core elements of the best marriages are trust, respect, truthfulness, togetherness, and kindness. There is no getting around these core conditions and still have a successful marriage.
People like Mo'Nique are not only delusional about what is required for a successful marriage, they do a great disservice to people who are in love and who are contemplating marriage.
If we have learned one lesson from our interviews on six continents of the world over these past nearly three decades of research – you do not "sleep around," cheat on your spouse, or engage in "flings" and stay happily married. It hardly ever happens! Period!
Simple Things Matter in love and marriage. Love well!
By Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz
**For marriage advice and hundreds of practical tips, read the best-selling and multiple-award winning book Building a Love that Lasts (Jossey-Bass/Wiley). Available wherever books are sold. Learn more about America's #1 Love and Marriage Experts and take the Marriage Quiz .
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