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I am less than 24 hours away from being the only female among 4 people living in this house.  This has never happened to me before and quite frankly, i’m nervous about it!

Of course, there’s my son and my husband but there is also my brother (albeit temporary).  It crossed my mind this morning just how different the dynamic is with each of these individuals and I’m concerned that I’ll be able to handle it all!  I’m used to having things my way.  By that, i mean that my son and my husband have learned that it’s important to consider the feelings of the women in their lives...if for no other reason, than survival.  I may sound like a brat but i’ve known more than my fair share of selfish, inconsiderate men who were RUINED by their mothers!  It’s very common among the young men of Italian mothers.  I vowed long before i even had a son that I was not going to be one of those mothers who ruin their son through over-indulgence and molly-coddling.  I had to “fix” my husband and it was a lot of hard work and took a fair amount of time to accomplish!  This poor young man couldn’t even make his bed when he moved out of his mother’s house...and he was 24 years old!  She had made his bed for him every morning!  She continued to do his laundry until the day he married me...and he (and his mother) thought she was going to do OUR laundry after we were married.  It was difficult to make him understand that it was a reflection on me if his mother was doing our laundry.  While the idea of never having to do laundry may have been appealing on some level, i simply couldn’t imagine my mother-in-law taking on that task.  Maybe it had something to do with self-respect, maybe it was something else.  Okay...that was a bit of a tangent.  Anyway...my husband and I have a pretty good relationship and we‘re on the same page in a good portion of our lives.  We‘re still adjusting to the constantly-changing condition of our household.  Say what you want, but it’s not easy living in constant change...which is what our lives have been for the past year and a half, or so.  My husband is a creature of habit and, to some degree, so am i.  Heck...aren’t we all?  

My brother is living with us temporarily.  He’s been here since March and will likely be here through October, at least.  He actually lives in Arizona but the work is scarce (non-existent) and there is plenty of work for him here so he returned to make some money.  I enjoy having him here.  He and I are cut from the same cloth...both of us are just like our father and we really enjoy that we “get” the comments and jokes that are pulled from our past.  Having him live here, for me, is also a little like having my Dad around.  This may sound ridiculous to some (but i know there are others who will completely get this and the comfort i get from it), but my brother even smells like my Dad sometimes.  My brother is easy to have around because he doesn’t impose himself on us at all.  He goes to work at the ungodly hour of 5AM and works until at least 6PM...sometimes as late as midnight, only to get up at 4AM and do it again the next day.  He does his own laundry and provides his own food much of the time even though I have told him repeatedly that I’m happy to shop for him.  I enjoy it when he joins my family for dinner...but he’s not home for dinner very often.  I guess he’s easy to have around because he doesn’t want to be “company” for all these months any more than i want to have “company” for all these months.  It’s been very easy for us to have my brother here...i’m going to miss him so much when he returns home to Arizona.

My son is focused on his girlfriend, his friends, getting his driver’s license, and his new job at the local ski shop...in that order.  Notice that school isn’t in that equation?  Yea...me, too.  While he’s a pretty good student, i have to stay on his back to insure that he’s getting things done.  I’m weary from this job and i’m thankful that this is his senior year of high school.  He’s a wonderfully conscientious young man who (i’ve been assured by his sisters, who would certainly know better than i do) does not lie to me about where he is or what he’s doing.  I really appreciate this more than I can express in words.  He has some pretty cool friends and his girlfriend is a doll.  He knows what I expect from him and, for the most part, he delivers.  He is fresh, though...as in a fresh mouth.  It’s more his tone than his words, though.  I’m tired of pointing this out to him because he doesn’t seem to get it...but i don’t think ignoring it is the answer.  Until i do know the answer or until i get some results, i’m going to continue to harp at him about his tone of voice.

My son and my husband are the same individual at different ages.  That which annoys me most about my husband, also annoys me about my son.  This is where i’m concerned.  I’ve always had another “comrade” in the house...someone with whom i could feel attached.  The female dynamic is comforting to me...even when we aren’t agreeing.  My son and my husband will unwittingly gang up on me in an effort to get what they want.  I don’t mean that they attack me, i mean that they will take each other’s side even if they BOTH know they are out of line.  This is particularly annoying to me where my husband is concerned.  I’ve been after him many times over the past few years about remembering who I am and not treating me as an equal to our son.  My husband enjoys and appreciates his camaraderie with our son as much as i enjoy and appreciate it with our daughters.  I am conscious to not make my husband feel inferior when my daughters and I are joining forces for a common cause...i’m not sure i can say the same for my husband.

Tomorrow we deliver Kelly to college and I become the sole female residing in my house.  I am certain that i will be an emotional pile of instability while i realign my thinking to allow myself to sleep at night and function during the day.  I am so, so, so worried about Kelly and i’m going to need the support of another female to get me through all this.  While i am not a whiney, weak individual who dwells on situations, this particular situation has been weighing very heavily on me lately.  My girl is leaving this little Po-dunk town where doors are left unlocked, walks after dark are considered fun, and people all know one another to go to a city where there are no fewer than 3 locks on any door, walks during the daytime are a calculated risk and no one knows her.  I have worked very hard to teach her the lessons she will need and she is a bright girl, but i still can’t help but feel fear.  

So, all the nervousness and all the fear that I am living with lately is creating some havoc with me.  I trust that, in time, i will become less fearful and less nervous...but in the meantime, i’m simply not comfortable in my skin!!!

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Aug 19, 2011
    • I totally get the dad commment, Daphne! My brother’s a lot like my dad, too, and we love having him here when he comes out for a visit.

      You‘re such a great mom. I know it’s hard to let your little girl go out there in the world. Gosh, if you weren’t worried about her it wouldn’t be natural. I bet she’s a little (or even a lot) worried too. You two will both find comfort in keeping in touch, especially in the beginning.

      heart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Aug 19, 2011
    • oh honey - she will be fine I know it because suddenly everything you have told her will kick in and she will have a great time and learn so much.

      so what are you going to do honey when you have one less to look after some “me time” ..........  

      how has the summer been at the lake - have you had some time up there this summer ?



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cc-u wrote Aug 19, 2011
    • Awesome that your brother is so independent!  My brother-in-law lived with us for 9 long months.  He did do his laundry & that’s about it.  Fortunately our co was laying off or relocating folks & he relocated.  Finally he was on his own & learned to fend for himself.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote Aug 27, 2011
    • I guess I am probably one of the lucky ones as my family is Italian and our son has always wanted to be independent, so from an early age he learned to do things on his own, not to say he still doesn’t appreciate me helping out when I can.

      It is tough when someone close leaves home, but your daughter sounds like a very smart young woman, you did a good job!happy



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