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Please enjoy the following e-mail exchange Lorraine and Mary recently had about the impending Mother’s Day celebration:

Lorraine,

I have the annual tightening in the chest, dread, getting ready for disappointment, crestfallen feelings and unmet needs.  

woman

Yes, that's right, it's about to be:  MOTHER'S DAY AKA MUDDER'S DAY!

Sunday is D Day.  Haven't heard a single word from the kids on any plans.  In the past, I've orchestrated the whole thing.  I tell them exactly what I want so I don't set myself up for the ultimate Mudder's Day disappointment.  This, as you know, has never worked.  

This year, I've decided I'm not doing a thing.  Nada...nothing.  They're certainly old enough to figure it out.  

I've always hated Mother's Day.  Remember the time years ago when all four of my kids were under the ages of 6.  I got in a fight with the then present but now former husband.  The kids were screaming, crying and all of them (including former husband) needed something, and I ran away to your house where your then and still current husband was conveniently out of town on a "VERY IMPORTANT BUSINESS TRIP".

We got to commiserate about the ironies of Mother's Day while we listened to your two kids screaming, fighting, crying and needing something and I was getting constant phone calls from my desperately seeking me family.  

I hate to sound cynical, but I would say that MOST of my Mother's Days have looked like this.  

This is what my ideal Mother's Day would look like:

TO PRETEND FOR ONE DAY THAT I AM NOT A MOTHER.  

I want no children sightings, no burnt breakfast in bed, no waiting an hour for a table at the busy restaurant listening to the constant dickering and fighting...and *NO CARNATIONS*.  

I HATE carnations.  Are they even a "real" flower?  I think Hallmark made them up.  Hallmark has created more guilt and depression than a Jewish/Catholic mother.

Help me get me out of this black hole.  Going to the mailbox to see if there are any early  signs of Hallmark cards.

MARY

Mary Mary, you are becoming way too cynical.  What you're saying is sacrilegious.  It's blasphemous.  Everyone knows, especially men, how much women love to be mothers and how we are just naturals at it and how much we love and look forward to MUDDER'S DAY.  

Shame on you!   Not LOVING MUDDER'S DAY is Anti-American, Anti Capitalism!  Have you no loyalty to FTD?

Must go...am sending URGENT text message reminder to the boys about this sacred and national holiday....  

LORRAINE

Lorraine, WHATEVUAEER.    

I don't think I told you about this baby shower I went to when the kids were teenagers right before Mudder's Day.   Since this was a Boulder baby shower, it was called "A Karmic Blessings Baby Shower."  

At the baby shower, the hostess had all of us surround the first time mother-to-be.  Most of these women were not yet mothers themselves.  They all had these blissful serene smiles on their faces.  We all took turns giving the soon-to-be-mother a blessing and a wish.  

The tears and handkerchiefs were in great abundance.

Then it was my turn.  

Me, single PMSing mother of 4 teenagers.  I looked at my pregnant friend and said in a very loud voice:  'THIS KID IS GOING TO BREAK YOUR HEART!"

There was an audible gasp.  But did that stop me?  Oh no, I just went right on.  I said LOUDLY, "THAT'S RIGHT, THIS KID IS GOING TO BREAK YOUR HEART.   YOU WILL POUR OUT YOUR HEART,  SOUL AND LIFE SAVINGS...THEY WILL NEVER EVER GIVE YOU THE CREDIT YOU DESERVE.    

HE OR SHE WILL BREAK YOUR HEART, AND THEY WILL NEVER MAKE YOU HAPPY ON MUDDER'S DAY!  SORRY FOR THIS OUTBURST BUT IT'S THE TRUTH.  BTW, I'M TIRED BECAUSE I WAS UP LATE LAST NIGHT BAILING ONE OF MY SONS OUT OF JAIL BECAUSE HE WAS TRYING TO SUPERGLUE THE DOORS AT HIS HIGH SCHOOL WHICH IS APPARENTLY A FELONY AND HE IS MAD AT ME FOR TELLING HIM HE HAS TO PAY THE FINES HIMSELF."

I haven't been invited to another baby shower since.  Good.  Works well for me.  If I don't hear from you, Happy Mudder's Day.  Hope you won't be too disappointed.

MARY  

All right Already...You convinced me Mary.  Thanks a lot!  Now I'm depressed and now hate Mudder's Day.  

And, now that I'm really thinking about it,  one more thing...WHO usually PAYS for the brunch/carnation event anyway?  It's NEVER them even though they always seem to find the money to go to movies and party with their friends.

I must go and try to get lost for a day or two so I can miss the whole thing.

LORRAINE



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Yana Berlin wrote May 9, 2008
    • You guys, crack me up each and every time.

      Thanks for sharing, Mothers Day can and usually is a very stressful event.  

      Having said that, we are Mothers and Great Ones so Let’s Celebrate US, enough with the dinners, brunches, and oh GOD carnations???? (You are allowed to hit them over their head with a heavy skillet next time anyone even utters the word)

      Here is to all of us for surviving all of them.

      Happy Mother’s Day Ladies!!!!

      !pic(image description)!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Stephanie wrote May 11, 2008
    • This is absolutely hilarious.

      No one really understands how much children consume a parents life, until they have had their own (in a good way that is, you make your own children, and therefore love them more then life itself.

      So perhaps Mary was just giving those mothers to be a glimpse into the future...it will def. keep them on their toes!

      Anyways, Happy Mothers Day!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Kelly-Williams, M.A. wrote May 11, 2008
    • Thanks Yana and Stephanie for the support and the understanding.  

      And...Mother’s Day continues to be Mudder’s Day.  Just got hung up on by one of my daughters for “caring too much“.

      That fine and delicate balance of being a parent and letting go.  Not always so easy to do.

      My favorite parenting quote that sums it all up:

      "Their hearts were wrung with anguish, the anguish of having children...a vulnerability as astounding as the capacity for love that parenthood brings."

      Here’s to surviving one more Mother’s Day...

      Mary



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kendal wrote May 11, 2008
    • I enjoyed this “Mudders Day” blog, i think it successfully pointed out some things about parenting that people do not take into consideration before having children.

      One must be ready themselves in order to take care of someone else, given that children are our lives when we chose to start a family.



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