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He was the man of my dreams. We met when I was 17 and married when I was 19. He was also 5 years older than me. We had a great marriage, lots of fun, lots of friends. We had the girls when I was 23 and 25. We both also worked fulltime.
Things happened and it resulted in us gettinga divorce. Honestly I can’t say it was all him or all me. It was both. We could have figured it out and fixed it. But we didn’t. I have no regrets tho since I like who I am. I like who my daughters are. And on most occasions I like who my ex is.

But here’s my beef....

I am a child of divorce. My parents split when I was 12. My dad was pretty much not there after that.
My 2nd husband is divorced from the mother of his child. And of course I am divorced form the girls father.
WE the adults are divorced NOT the kids. So why do so many men forget about their kids from their 1st marriage? Is it the 2nd wife I should be grumbling about? Is she so insecure that she can’t include his children from a former relationship? WHAT?????
Because of my childhood situation I made it a point of making sure my step son was included in everything. Parenting doesn’t stop when the visitation is over. My home always had a room for Garrett, even when the girls had to share a room. If I bought something for the girls I bought for Garrett too. When it came time for school clothes, pics, rings whatever I always made sure Garrett didn’t do without. His mother never said anything but there may have been times it helped her out.
I would like to think there are more Stepmoms out there like me than not. I know I have done right by all the kids.
Is my ex husbands wife the exception or is she the rule? Why doesn’t she have pics of my kids in their house (my former home)? Why don’t they get included in their family vacations? Why does it seem to be ok with my ex to tell my daughters that (after hesitating) yes they can stay with him on Christmas Eve night but there won’t be as many gifts for them?
Why is that ok?
This is the one area I have continued to struggle in.
My daughters are hurt and upset by his actions but are affraid of hurting his feelings if they say anything. I have tried in the past to talk with him about this but he just says ‘Well that is just how the wife is‘.  

Grrrrrrrr..........



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Dec 21, 2008
    • Vic, I feel you in this one. My daughters are from my first marriage, in this marriage my hubby has no children thank God, don’t mean to sound selfish in that statement but I’m happy to not have to deal with baby moma drama. I remarried when my girls were 20 and 17 years of age. My ex-husband and I divorced in 1991 and I remarried in 2001 after being with him from high-school till divorce. Their father is on his 3rd marriage and has a son by this last one but none from the other, but he fathered her kids as well as the one he’s with now but refused to be there for his own. I don’t really fault the other women its all the mans fault because its up to him to want to be a part I could go on in this but will pick it back up later. Keep your head up.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenni0811 wrote Dec 21, 2008
    • Vikki....I want to comment, but I have no experience. All I can say is that I hope to become involved with a man who has children and I plan on being active in their lives.....not their mom.....just active. Hopefully will help them as well as myself. I am a big believer that there can never be Too Many people in your life who Love You.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linni wrote Dec 21, 2008
    • Oh Vikki, i am sorry your children have to go through this! you know, with my own children they don’t tell daddy how they are feeling because they don’t want to hurt his feelings, and i think to myself... WTF! they don’t hesitate on telling me how they are feeling, with all thier anger and hurt, and i told them that they need to tell daddy, because he needs to know!  

      your girls need to tell thier dad how they are feeling! he will never know unless they tell him.. i feel bad for these children because they shouldn’t have to be going through all this...

      sorry to rant...
      Love ya lady



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jacquie6363 wrote Dec 21, 2008
    • Hi Vikki, I have to agree with Neicy, when she says, don’t fault the wife, ex-hubby, should have balls to make sure that your girls are always included, because as you stated, the kids didn’t get the divorce.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Dec 21, 2008
    • WOW bfly, thats something. Don’t think I could be that strong or ever have a man I love THAT! much to deal with him and his hoes and their kids its me and mine or nothing.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jomi wrote Dec 21, 2008
    • !http://images.fabulously40.com/uploadedimage/2627/thumbx250/hpim0703.jpg! Vikki...You are in the right!  I have two girls from my first marriage and my husband was never married but has two boys.  We include them all in everything.  Then if they decide not to be included that’s their choice.
      They are your ex’s kids and he should stand up for them in his current relationship!
      I don’t understand why it is that some people can’t be nice to their spouses children.  It’s not hard and it has so many joyous benefits.  I think it must be a personality thing.

      My step-son’s tell me I treat them better than their own mother.
      It’s not a hard thing to love others.
      I think this women lacks respect for your ex by leaving your children out. Also for the girls.
      if you don’t accept my children, then you don’t accept me.

      I get angry if my husband starts a “my kids, your kids” thing. I don’t want to hear it.  I have been taking care of his kids as if they are my own and have never tried to pull that so I don’t want to hear it.
      I’m rambling....


      Jomi, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Dec 22, 2008
    • Thank You all for your words. Most of the time I don’t feel the need to rant about this. But when one or both of my daughters calls me crying because they are hurt it kills me.
      I too believe love me love my children. I mean when you marry someone don’t you marry them with all their glory and all their faults? Well the kids are part of that glory.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kissalicious wrote Dec 22, 2008
    • I could write a book on this... a daughter of divorce, single parents(both Mike & I both had a child before we got married to each other), a divorced mom, a girlfriend of a divorced father... you get it!!
      Let me say you are the exception to the rule. With so many blended families, it’s sad that more mommies aren’t inclusive with regards to their families. As well, as well as family members.

      My ex husband is the exception to the rule also. My boys are his sons ... our sons!
      It wasn’t that way with his 2nd wife. She was evil wicked & made it a point to let my son know that my ex husband was not his father and even referenced who child support was for. She was a sad evil person.  

      Ex is on wifey #3 who I think is a bit better. The boys are older now though and it’s their decision if they want to go with for holidays, etc.   They wouldn’t tell him though, they would tell me and I would in turn be their voice.

      My dad never made it easy for our visits with his 2nd family. He was hardly there. Us girls felt like outsiders & we did tell him. He said “tough! this was his family (his 2nd wife & 4th daughter) and we’d better learn to like it!” He was evil too. Today he is estranged from all 4 of his daughters.

      It’s not easy though sometimes. You never stop being the Momma Bear if someone hurts our babies. Hang in there girl!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Dec 22, 2008
    • Bfly I bet you got some great stories with a huge family like that. I agree that it is great that he was able to give to all and that HE MADE IT CLEAR what his intentions were and stood by them.
      Even tho we all may do wrong or stupid things it’s just not fair to let the kids be the ones to suffer.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mz. Queen wrote Dec 22, 2008
    • I don’t have much to say but I do know a little of what you speak. I was the stepmom of exceptions. My children’s father remarried but there are only our 3 children, if anyone treated them bad they were just assanine. Any children borne of a man I dated or date is loved and welcomed by me. And by God’s grace I never had baby momma drama.

      I am so grateful for my life and all the children, yours, mine and ours.

      [Link Removed]


      47ntiredorunnin, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Dec 22, 2008
    • Kudos to you Vikki for taking the high road & being an awesome Step-Mom too! Some women are just insecure like that unfortunately~ and annoyingly so.
      My son’s step mom actually got so insecure about him being in the picture that she called me & said “When Christopher calls here, he needs to ask for ME.” I was like, pffft~ step OFF. Who DOES that!? You’d be suprised. lol
      Needless to say, there’s a pending divorce going on there. Anyway, without a doubt, adult issues/problems should never affect the kids, but unfortunately sometimes they do.
      Keep being the awesome step Mom you are! :)



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