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My ex-husband has been diagnosed with cancer of the pancreas.  He isn’t working.  I turn child support over to our 20 year old daughter who is in college.  We can’t keep taking money from a man who isn’t working and is seriously ill, what do we do?

I don’t know if I need to go to a lawyer, or what.  This has all happened so fast.  Anyone else out there been in my shoes I would appreciate any suggestions of what my next steps ought to be.



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Nov 1, 2009
    • I will pray for you and keep you in my thoughts. I’m not very sure what to suggest.. I’m very sorry to hear this news. Very sad. I hope there is a treatment for him that will work.. and that everything turns out OK. Hope.
      Hugs,
      J



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenny79 wrote Nov 1, 2009
    • he had surgery on 10-27 this past week.  I just don’t know, if I go to a lawyer & tell him what is going on to have them adjust this or what, I don’t know anyone that has been through this to ask.  His wife doesn’t like me so I can’t talk with her & I don’t want to bother them while they have so much going on.  And I need to talk with my daughter & tell her that  we need to do something here.  She depends on that money I know, but we can’t do this.  I’m going to be laid off just for the month of December.  I don’t really have the money for a lawyer, because I have medical bills I need to pay that I’m behind on.  I just thought maybe someone here might have some input.

      Thanks for your prayers!  It really is really appreciated!  This is very hard, even if you can’t live with them you never want this for them or for your child to be without their father.  With the surgery they got all the cancer in the pancreas, however it was in the lymph nodes, so there is a chance of it coming back.  The cancer was very aggressive.  And according to my daughter he was in a lot of pain.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenny79 wrote Nov 1, 2009
    • Sorry about your father!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Nov 1, 2009
    • I’m surprised you are still getting child support for a kid who is over 18.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Max0125 wrote Nov 1, 2009
    • I am so sorry that you are going through this. I have a few suggestions.Have your daughter make an appointment with her schools financial aid office, I am sure they can give some advice. As for a lawyer, check your local law school, many of them have free clinics or may be able to give you advice for a small fee.

      I hope that this helps. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Venus 7000 wrote Nov 1, 2009
    • I basically agree with Melissa and Max.  Don’t have the maintenance order adjusted.  But since your ex and his wife are going through hard times, you probably should not expect full (or any) payment at the moment.  Usually the maintenance order is based (at least in part) on the person’s income.  When he gets back on his feet you can decide whether to pursue the arrears.

      Have your daughter see the school councilor about financing options or the possibility of a part time job on campus.  This may be good for her as well as she will feel that she is helping her dad and you in some small way.  

      I am sorry to hear about all this.  I hope all goes well for him and you.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mindy Wilson wrote Nov 1, 2009
    • What a hard situation. I’m so sorry. It must be difficult and painful too. Goodness, I’m thinking of you! Great advise here.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenny79 wrote Nov 1, 2009
    • The reason she is receiving child support is because she is a full time college student & that is the way our divorce was drawn up.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenny79 wrote Nov 1, 2009
    • What I mean by go to a lawyer.  I don’t mean to get his money.  See when we got divorced he set it up where all of the payments would go through the courts.  That way they would keep records of how much was sent & received.  

      The reason I was talking about a lawyer is I DON’t want him to be in trouble for a deadbeat dad and not paying when there is no possible way that he can pay because he is sick.  Sorry, I did not make myself clear there.

      My daughter works 33 hours a week at a job & goes to school full time, now.  And no one pays for her school but her.  I do not have any additional money to pay for her.  I cover her car & medical insurance.  I always have.  He pays child support.  He doesn’t pay anything else for her college either.  

      Believe me he owes me for my daughter’s surgery she had over two years ago.  When he was healthy.  Now I understand, he is ill and can’t pay & the other money he never paid me I gave up on a long time ago.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenny79 wrote Nov 1, 2009
    • We live in a rural area, and don’t have a law school in the immediate area, but I’ll check into any options thanks for your suggestions!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Coralee Flug wrote Nov 2, 2009
    • Sorry Jenny for your struggles, This group is amazing with support. hope it all works out.



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