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My ex-husband is better than your ex-husband...neener, neener!  I intend to get a bumper sticker with that written on it.

Divorce doesn't mean that something came to an end in the negative sense.  Things come to an end all the time because there is something new to experience, and it's how the Universe supports our formless journey beautifully.

I prefer to see it that the lessons that I needed to learn from my ex-husband in my marriage are completed.  I brought him into life so he could hold the mirror for me to see myself, and witness the experiences of separation of who I really am.  Thus, as we divorced, I spent time in contemplation of what he offered me, and opened up a space for more conscious expansion.  I looked at patterns that were inside me, and he just happened to show up in form to mirror those patterns.  

Through the divorce process, I visualized, I imagined, I pretended, I affirmed that I would have a loving relationship with Rob, my ex-husband.  There were some gifts in the experience of this divorce that led me to separated from this loving relationship intention.

One such example happened to take place in the library.  You know how there is this unspoken rule in the library that is supposed to embody quiet and serenity, well I decided to turn that rule on its head.

As we were working out the separation agreement, we decided to meet at a public place as this would allow a safe environment to discuss the details and process emotions.   We were having a challenging discussion, and I could feel all this anger coming to the surface, and as a result I spewed the firey
"f... you," and then stormed out.  Yes, I screamed it in the library for all to hear.  

As I left and drove away, I knew that this experience was showing separation again from who I truly am.  No matter what is happening "out there," I intend to come from the knowing that I am Divine, and I don't think Divine says, "f.... you," especially at the library.  

With this said, I called Rob later and apologized for my behavior, and affirmed who I intend to be, and I also called the librarian and apologized.  

Years later, I heard Wayne Dyer speak about anger.  "When we squeeze an orange, what comes out?  Orange juice.  It doesn't matter what device is used to squeeze the orange, orange juice is always going to come out.  Likewise, when we have anger that comes out, it doesn't matter who squeezed us, it's what is inside."  When I heard these words, it made so much sense to me.  Rob didn't cause my anger, it was what was inside.

And guess what.....

Imagining does work!  Rob and I have the best ex-relationship that anyone could ever imagine.  I knew it could be this way...I just had to keep imagining it as I would like it to be.  

Rob and I get together regularly and have lunch at a memorable place for us....Wendy's.  Why Wendy's?  When Rob was going to law school in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and I was going to school for my undergraduate degree, it was the simple pleasures that we enjoyed while living on a student budget.  Thus, we keep that sweet memory alive by meeting at Wendy's.

Incidentally, we will be promoting a program, How to Have Great Ex, A Guide to Having a Great Relationship with Your Ex.  We know what it takes to make a good relationship and want to help others enjoy this as well.  In addition, we have a 24 year old daughter who reaps the benefits of our friendly relationship, and we can help the children in divorce as well.  Many people tell us that we are unique in this respect.

Recently, Rob called me as he heard I was engaged and congratulated me.  I had intended to tell him, but he heard from my daughter first.  He was so happy for me.  I, in turn, asked about his new relationship, and he said, "It's so wonderful!  We've been dating for five months, and it's so easy."  I was teary as he was telling me this because it was so beautiful!  Above all, we intend happiness for each other, and I kept imagining him "happy."

I'm so grateful for my relationship with Rob, and most importantly, I'm grateful for my relationship with me.  It is through creating quiet, conscious space for myself on a regular basis that I am able to sustain my conscious expansion and come from love.  

And there's more....

When I began dating, I imagined once again that I would be with someone who had a great relationship with his ex, and so it is.

When Carlos and I returned from Cancun, I got to meet his ex-wife.  She was flying in to the airport at the same time to visit her friend, who lives close to us.  We picked her up from the airport, and I got out of the car and gave her a hug and was so happy to meet her.  On the hour drive to my house, we talked and laughed, and then Carlos told her we got engaged in Cancun, and she expressed profound happiness for us.  

Then Carlos dropped me off at my house, and proceeded to drive his ex-wife to her friend's house, which was an hour away.  I only felt complete love for them both as they drove away.  

Right now, writing this, I'm in tears because I have such profound love for me and basking in this place.   When I fill up my own personal love tank, then it automatically spills over to others.  And as Wayne Dyer so eloquently says, "You can't give away what you don't already have for yourself."  

I love you, Tami!



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Dec 19, 2008
    • Yes, Your ex-husband is better than mine ex.  Mine is a dead beat Dad.  I am happy for you though.  I am sure you are a loving, understanding person with a trunk full of love that overflows. estatic



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cassandra wrote Dec 19, 2008
    • I don’t have an ex-husband , but I’m happy for you that you have a good relationship with each other and that you found a wonderful and caring person . You are a fortunate woman .
      Cheers~



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cheryl Guy wrote Dec 19, 2008
    • Your daughter must be proud of her parents!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cindylouwho1966 wrote Dec 19, 2008
    • It’s great that you are able to have that relationship. But please don’t mock those who do not want to have exes in their lives. Divorces happen for a number of reasons.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Feathermaye wrote Dec 19, 2008
    • I’m not sure how I feel about this post. I think I recognize what you‘re trying to say, but I think you‘re saying it in a way that could be considered pretty condescending.  

      I would never say my husband is better than your husband to any woman, so I'm not sure I would even venture into a comparison of exes, either.

      My ex-husband, and father to my son, is deceased as he was killed in a car accident this past Spring. He was far from perfect, but we managed an amiable relationship that involved him and his wife coming to my house for holidays and birthday parties for our son.

      But, just like any other relationship, we had to work at it, and sometimes it just didn’t work. That’s life. But that doesn’t make him or me better or worse than anyone else.

      As I stated, maybe I’m just not entirely receiving the message you‘re trying to send here. The “neener neener” thing really set the tone, and I’m having a hard time getting past that.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cindylouwho1966 wrote Dec 19, 2008
    • The more I think about this post, the more angry I am getting. You want to know why I hate my ex and will never talk to him again? Here goes-

      When we were separating, this formerly passive-aggressive man became an enraged control freak. He had to call all the shots, and absolutely refused to be civil and sign a disillusionment (we had no kids, no assets and no property.) His reason-because I did not have half the $$ right then and there to pay back a loan to one of his  family members.  

      Right in the middle of all this, my mother was re-diagnosed with breast cancer that had spread to her spine and brain. I left my home 4 hours away and stayed with her pretty much for 3 months straight. I asked him to please, please, just sign the papers-I had enough to deal with and I would have the $$ when I got back to working. HE REFUSED.

      He insisted on seeing her in the hospital, when she asked not to have to see him. He did not get a “personal” invitation to her memorial service, so never showed up, no call, no card, nothing. And at this time, she was still his MIL.

      So when I said, “F-U” to him, I meant it and I mean it. He is the only ex-love I hate. I do not allow it to be a part of my life anymore, but this blog made me need to tell you why you are lucky, and why you should thank your stars instead of boasting.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Dec 19, 2008
    • I think she is just playing with words and not trying to be condescending.estatic I know how bad divorces can be...as a young kid i lived through my parents, and it sucked!! I pray I never have to go through one.

      CLW and feather my huggzz to you!! ♥

      I wish my parents ahd been able to deal with each other. It would have it a lot easier on me. Mine cannot even be civil. Not even now and it has been 26 years. My wedding was so stressful as i was petrified they would say or do something. They did not to each other, but they did to me. frown

      In a joking manner, I will say...my husband is better then your husband...singing in the dog food commercial way!! lol

      I have been blessed with a one-of-a-kind man. I wish for all to find one like mine!!

      as luvin’ said, bet your kids are happy and proud.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Dec 19, 2008
    • I am so sorry Lu!! I agree that sometimes, sadly most times divorce is not ever a happy thing. Most do not become friends. All but me and rog in my family are not divorced. My parents, his parents, my sibs, his sib. DIVORCED! and believe you me it will never be a friendship thing between any of them.

      I think maybe she is not boasting, but showing her own personal pride that she and her ex can be friends. How, i do not know...lol Sorry but this is rare! imho



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cindylouwho1966 wrote Dec 19, 2008
    • Thanks, Tracy.  

      This time, I’ve got a good man, and he and his ex were pretty decent to each other.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Dec 19, 2008
    • Well...I’m gonna chime in here...I have to say....I totally agree with cindylou and feathermaye...And speaking from a divorcee’s perspective..not all divorces end with an amicable friendship...nor should they...there are many reasons for divorce..and if the two people had so much love, admiration and respect to begin with..maybe, just maybe the marriage might have survived...I honestly do commend those of you who do divorce only to find a great friendship come out of the ashes...but other’s of us are just fine with not having that great friendships with our ex’s..(yes I’m speaking of friends I know who are divorced too)...Did I want something different from my ex?..heck yeah..we have children together...but this is how it is and this is how it will be...He’s poison..and getting to know his wife...I found she is too...No fairytale endings here...sorry!!!!

      In saying that...I have to agree...saying something like so and so is better than so and so...does not sit too well with me either...I’d never dare to compare my own two husbands..they are two different people...Maybe I’m reading this whole blog wrong..and if I am, I apologize in advance!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Dec 19, 2008
    • YW my friend...
      believe you me, rog ever leaves...it will be F U all the way!!! lol



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Feathermaye wrote Dec 19, 2008
    • My ex and I started with FUs... a lot of them! We just happened to get along better when we were not married. Sometimes that’s just the way it is.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tami Close wrote Dec 19, 2008
    • Oh, my gosh, I appreciate all your comments.  Those who know me know how much I love to have fun and play.  I will create fun titles, e.g. my book, How to Look Great Naked...With the Lights On.  Thus, you see the fun, loving intent with the bumper sticker title.  It’s not intended to say I am better than you...that’s not a place I come from.

      What is intended is to show you where I was in my thought process in my divorce and where I had to use my imagination to know that I could paint a different picture.  It wasn’t like that in the beginning as you can see the reference to FU, but I kept affirming what I wanted.  

      Thank you so much for your comments.  I do know how painful divorce can be, and my personal message may not be for everyone.  And, yes, I’m very proud of myself, and love being the person I am.  I just decided to take this opportunity to express it through my writing.

      In appreciation,

      Tami



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Dec 19, 2008
    • Divorce is a horrible place to end up in..not only for the adults..but for the children you share...Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined the impact it would have had for my family on the whole...But I know walking away was the best choice I could have made for me and my girls...Sadly as a result..like many other broken homes...my ex has very little to do with these wonderful and beautiful children we share...Sometimes I do wish things had turned out differently for their sake...but this is a better, healthier life for them in the long run...



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Leadinladytracy wrote Dec 19, 2008
    • Tami I enjoyed your blog. I think the title should have been different.

      I understand, my mom and dad are divorced. My mom, dad and step mother get along and we all have Christmas dinner at my house every year. It can work out.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cindylouwho1966 wrote Dec 19, 2008
    • Tami, thanks for clarifying. That's the problem with blogging, many of us don't know you, and therefore would not be able to know your general outlook and attitude. So, I appreciate the response

      I do think it's great if someone can do it.  

      In my family, ex meant ex, and I didn’t always agree with that.

      Thanks, to you too, Soul.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Dec 19, 2008
    • denise, i so hate when people say...your parents got divorced not you honey!!
      BS, divorce effects the family as a whole!! IMHO



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Dec 19, 2008
    • “Cool” by Gwen Stefani would be a cool song for you.  

      And, exactly. No one can give away what they do not have.
      My ex is a full blown narcissist from hell, softspoken as he is, still a narcissist. Hence no coolness possible.  

      Have a great day!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cindylouwho1966 wrote Dec 19, 2008
    • Jenz, the no coolness possible line reminded me of this from Fat Albert-

      “He’s like school in the summer-no class!”



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Dec 19, 2008
    • kind of like an addict...
      you can take away the drug, but the person is still the same under it all.
      They have to want to change!

      luckilly mine did!! tongue out



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Dec 19, 2008
    • No no no no... My ex~ (laughing) I’m telling you. lol lol There IS no help for that mess. Its just the way it is. lol

      Cindylouwho~ LMAO!! Fat Albert!?? ha ha



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Dec 19, 2008
    • teeky..you are right as usual happy...I can understand if bragging about hubby’s would rub someone who does not have a great hubby the wrong way..Honestly I didn’t think about it because I’m at a place where I would rather read good news about men than bad...I’ve seen, heard and experienced so much negativity surrounding men, that some positive words are so needed..But I understand where you are coming from...



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tami Close wrote Dec 19, 2008
    • Again, I appreciate your comments so much.  And now, I believe it’s time to laugh.  

      I set up a Girls Just Wanna Have Fun group on Facebook where we share funny things, including videos.  A member of the group posted this video, and hopefully the link works.

      You deserve to take a break and laugh....

      [Link Removed]

      Laughingly yours,

      Tami


      Tamiclose, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Dec 19, 2008
    • I avoid the mushy stuff myself. Not to say that I’m not happy for happy people; that’s cool. But, I don’t think I’ll ever feel that way again so I’ll not read too much about it~
      Just sayin..



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenni0811 wrote Dec 19, 2008
    • I have one ex and one to-be ex. Completely different people. I don’t speak to the ex and the to-be ex can’t see the possibility of having any sort of friendship relationship. Maybe it’s me...maybe its them....I’ll go with the “tolerate, change or be grateful” blog from the other day in this situation.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Dec 19, 2008
    • Jenz41..Please don’t sell yourself short...If you want to feel that way again..why not own it?...I never thought I’d be in the place I am in..but it happened...You never know what’s in store for you...even if you don’t think you want it right now..lol..



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Dec 19, 2008
    • lol..teeky..I have the picture of you and your reaction etched in my brain now...Please don’t waste a steak though..I can’t remember when the last time was that I ate a good steak..lol..So I’m hatin on you now...tongue out



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Dec 19, 2008
    • jenz, you will...when the right one comes along.
      my bro-in-law would fall all over himself for you!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Dec 19, 2008
    • as beautiful as jenz is...I’m sure your bro-in-law wouldn’t be the only one...IMHO



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Dec 19, 2008
    • no kidding denise!!



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