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Well, he did it. He told her. He feels like crap but I believe we are not doing her any favors. He asked her if she had anything she wanted to say to him and she said, “it wouldn’t make a difference, right?“. That was the perfect opening for him to leave the door wide open. He said that she may be able to change his mind in the next two months but in case she doesn’t, she needs to start making plans now. I had to bite my tongue because this gives her hope. She could bust her hump for two months, he could change her mind and then she could go right back to her old ways. Will this ever end???



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Nov 6, 2008
    • oh mercy and he had it. did you bite your tongue off? I hope he stands strong on this for all of you!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Nov 6, 2008
    • I’m going to be crossing my fingers for a good outcome right along with you! I’ve lived through this with a previous relationship. It was like a revolving door with that man’s grown son moving in “to get on his feet” and then parking himself on the couch for months at a time.

      You have my profound hope that she gets a smart pill and does the right thing with her life.

      All the best
      Cynthia



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Nov 6, 2008
    • vigirl..you are right..there are many ‘coulds’ in this situation...The only thing you can do is let ‘time’ do it’s job unfortunately..You can only push but so much before you start to feel resistance, you feel me?



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Feathermaye wrote Nov 6, 2008
    • If you can encourage them to keep it as a topic of discussion, then he still has the opportunity to salvage this situation.

      If she knows with clear certainty that she can remain as long as she contributes, then he has to be ready to lower the boom the minute she slides. If the rules remain right out in the open, then there’s no room for misinterpretation.

      I really wish you good luck! Consider this a small victory and move on to the next plan of action.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Michelle Rowe wrote Nov 6, 2008
    • It sounds like this is the first step in a long line of steps.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Feathermaye wrote Nov 6, 2008
    • But at least it’s a step in the right direction!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Nov 6, 2008
    • vigirl..can I ask a question?...What made him tell his daughter that she had to go?..Did you bring it up again or was he feeling what you are?



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Shopgirl1960 wrote Nov 7, 2008
    • I think he is trying my friend. That is MUCH more than my last husband did.  

      This statement comes from my own experiences, and I see it as a HUGE step, and I would have been very jealous back in the day when I was going through things with my step-son.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linda S Fitzgerald wrote Nov 7, 2008
    • At this stage of my ‘chrono-maturity‘, I’ve learned that all of life is a ‘process‘.  Your husband took the first step in the process - albeit a little wobbly.  But look at a baby learning to walk, always a little ‘wobbly’ at first.  And YES, she (the daughter) will try him & you.

      As a "recovering professional therapist", what may help your husband is a series of short dialogues affirming him in his decision ; confirming that you know how difficult it is for him ; giving short, brief, to-the-point (males can't stand long drawn out analogies) reasoned examples about "tough love" that can help him come to a place within himself that what he's doing is really the most loving thing "the two of you" (and that's important - he doesn't want to be in this by himself - so don't stand "behind" him - but "beside" him) can do for his daughter .  

      If you've been even a wee-bit antagonistic about or with the daughter (trust me been there with one of my daughters & her lovely step daughter, now grown & awesome) then 'confession' may be good for both your 'souls'.  This is a time for honesty , as much transparency as you can both handle & authenticity  with feelings.  

      The entire episode (remember it’s a process) may end up bringing all of you much closer in the long run.

      Just my 2-cents worth!

      Linda S. Fitzgerald, M.S.Ed
      (only put that there to verify that I’m not leaning on my own understanding, but have a little educational background in the process).



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Michelle Rowe wrote Nov 7, 2008
    • Soulful-they were exchanging text messages yesterday when he said he needed to talk to her. They got together last night and talked. I hadn’t said anything. I hope she can get herself together. Although it is now 9am and she still isn’t out of bed yet! That’s the kind of stuff that grates on my nerves. Girl, get your a** out of bed and get to a job like the rest of us!

      [Link Removed] advice. I started to do that last night. I told him I realize how hard that was for him. I also mentioned that, to me, him telling her she has to move out, but being open to having his mind changed, sounded more like a threat. I hope he follows through with this-stay on top of it.  

      I truly believe that she never took what we told her in the beginning seriously. She probably never thought it would come to this. We get on her case about something, she takes action to appease us then she stops the action when things have cooled off.

      I’ll definitely keep you guys updated. I appreciate all of the different opinions and advice. Thanks, ladies.


      Vigirl, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.



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