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I was told that in the beginning, I spent my days sitting by the side door staring outside. I’m sure I had to have been thinking “where AM I and WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?“. I don’t remember. I was barely a year old and this was my third home. It would be the beginning of a long and lonely childhood.

   My Mother was an alcoholic and died of a heart attack at the young age of thirty three and my Father was in jail for non~support. My brothers and I were put in an orphanage 6 months earlier due to our living conditions and that is where I resided when my Mother passed.

   Childhood was hard, to say the least. Fighting...a lot of it. Yelling, screaming, things flying across the room and breaking. I STAYED SCARED...and alone. They had two daughters that were ten and eleven years older than me, but I don’t remember them spending any time with me. I do know that I clung to my Dad every minute he was home. He was my uncle. I was adopted by my Mother’s sister and her husband.

   When I was eight years old, I learned that I was adopted out of a sense of obligation to the family. Not because they wanted me. HELLO??? Don’t you adopt a child because you want to love them? Not in my case. I didn’t have a place anywhere. Mom’s side of the family wasn’t close. We had very little contact. Dad’s side never accepted me because I wasn’t ‘theirs‘. So who was I and where was I supposed to fit in?

   My teenage years were spent in my room alone. The two older girls were married and gone by the time I was eleven. They couldn’t wait to get out of that house. My Dad worked and came home and watched TV. Mom became a prescription drug addict due to depression and many other personal issues and would take a handful of pills and go to bed and stay for days at a time.

   Friends? None...I was never allowed the luxury as they were an inconvenience to the folks. Not that I would have wanted anyone to know how I lived anyway. Nor was I allowed to go anywhere. Talk about over protective! I never understood that one. It’s not like they cared anyway.

   So, I lived in my little room depressed myself and listened to music. That was my only escape from this hell they called life. It was a way for me to feel something, instead of staying numb all the time.

   I made a promise to myself that when I turned eighteen, I was out of there and life would be SO much different.

   Do you think it was? Stay tuned for Part II of my Journey.

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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Owlmaria wrote Jul 5, 2009
    • You have gained the strength to talk about this. I hope you have a good life now.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tina Sickinger wrote Jul 5, 2009
    • Maria, it’s taken me 47 years, but I have to get it all out. This may not seem like the place to some people, but it’s what I have. There is SO much more to come when I get the courage.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mylady wrote Jul 5, 2009
    • Thank you for sharing, twinkie. I’m sure you‘re a great woman!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Jul 5, 2009
    • Twinkie, thanks for sharing your journey, I will be looking forward to future installments. It takes courage to begin talking about it, and you have taken that step, I applaud you and see you for the strong woman you are.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marie66 wrote Jul 5, 2009
    • Twinkie,
      Thanks for sharing.. You are a strong loving person. I too look forward to reading some more.. And it did take alot of courage to starting talking about it..  

      We‘re here for you..



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Deb Darby wrote Jul 5, 2009
    • Twinkie,

      You are so brave, and it’s an honor that you’ve trusted us with your story. You‘re right, like cancer, you need to keeping on getting it out!

      Love, Deb



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Sandils1962 wrote Jul 5, 2009
    • Twinkie, thank you for sharing.  It must have been so hard to write that down and share.  You are in my prayers.

      Love Ya
      Sandi



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Janet Wooley wrote Jul 5, 2009
    • Twinkie dear you are in my prayers also, I ask God to give you peace and that you find real joy. My mother has a very similar story, today she is the most precious person I know. She is involved in our church and loves the Lord like no one else I know. It says in the word that we are to bring these things to the light that we may be healed. Thanks for sharing w/us. All that seems to be meant for evil will be turned around for those who love the lord. Something good will come of this. Hang in there hon.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mz. Queen wrote Jul 5, 2009
    • You are a testimony in so many ways. Stay strong and know that this is the perfect place for your journey to pass by.  We are your resting place under the shade tree.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Jul 5, 2009
    • Twink, you are no longer alone my sweet friend!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Termite wrote Jul 5, 2009
    • Twink,
      Thanks for sharing your story. I look forward to reading the rest of it, when you are ready. Lean on us for support. That’s what friends are for. estatic



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Doreen XoXo wrote Jul 5, 2009
    • You are an amazing result of a horrific first many years of life.  

      I am so glad that you found your strength and courage to help express/eliminate all that you have been holding on to.  

      My heart aches for that little child.  

      xoxo



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenni0811 wrote Jul 5, 2009
    • Tina my Friend,

      I would have no idea that your life started out as it did. You are a most wonderful, loving, caring woman and a testament to triumph over adversity.  

      Thank you sweetie for opening up the innermost details of your life to us.  

      Peace and Love to You. We all look forward to sharing the next chapters with you.

      This Betty Boop is For You!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Frannie1964 wrote Jul 11, 2009
    • I just read your story, I know It must have been really hard telling It and reminding yourself of those memories and being put thru all of that. You need to get all this out, It’s not good to keep stuff like that Inside. I look forward to reading the rest of It. You have a Friend In me Twinkie ((( Hugz )))



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