Don't have an account? To participate in discussions consider signing up or signing in
facebook connect
Sign-up, its free! Close [x]

Benefits

  • okay Create lasting relationships with other like minded women.
  • okay Blogging, let your voice be heard!
  • okay Interact with other women through blogs,questions and groups.
  • okay Photo Album, upload your most recent vacation pictures.
  • okay Contests, Free weekly prize drawing.
  • okay Weekly Newsletter.


So, my husband and I have been together since 1998, married in 2000.  His two boys were 4 and 6 when we met, my daughter was 6.  I knew that the boys did not “want” to accept me because I wasn’t their “mom“.  My relationship with their mother was up and down and touch-n-go at first.  Mainly because she was selfish and lazy and I didn’t agree with her parenting tactics.  But I NEVER let the boys know how I felt.  We had joint custody of them and they have always lived in the same city as us.  We had them EVERY weekend!  Later on, my relationship with their mother actually became quite pleasant and I got over the grudges because it was in the best interest of everyone involved (which in saying, a blended family is a lot of hard work, sacrifice and sometimes heartache.)

Well, we had a big beautiful house, a 40’ Class A RV, a wake board boat, dirt bikes, money for vacations and weekend getaways and dining out quite frequently with all of the kids.  BUT... in 2007, my husband and I became the proud parents of another little boy, our son Dylan!  By 2008, we had to short sale our dream home and rent a house nearby, lost the RV and bikes, and also we both lost our jobs within a month of each other.  NO MONEY, NO DISNEYLAND!  We have felt that since our lives have changed because of Dylan, our son together, and the lack of funds to do the things we used to do, the boys don’t want anything to do with us.  We also feel that their mom and stepfather may not be encouraging them to maintain a relationship with us.  We live within blocks of each other!!!  I realize that they are now teenagers, 16 & 18, but we long to have them in our lives just the same.  We have had to downsize to a 3 bedroom rental to make ends meet, and since they live so close we don’t expect them to stay the night, but c‘mon on!  Can’t they find time in their busy lives to at least stop over once in a while and have dinner or something?  Why doesn’t their mom feel they need to maintain a relationship with us?  My daughter’s biological father has not been a part of her life since after we divorced.  He kind of just faded out of her life.  Which she didn’t care because she didn’t trust nor like him.
I really wish the boys could see just how fortunate they are to have 2 families that love and adore them.  My husband just lost his mother over a month ago, and tried to get them to see how important it is to cherish every moment and to spend as much time as possible together because no one knows when their time is up.  It’s hard to let go of loved ones when you have regrets about not spending more time with them or not telling them that you love them.

Sorry for rambling on, but we are so frustrated and have tried everything.  I feel like they are mad at us because we lost the lifestyle we had and now we can't buy groceries every week let alone expensive presents for Christmas and birthdays like their mom thinks we should be doing.  What the hell is wrong with her?  Can't she see that we are basically living on bread and water and can't spend $$$$ on them, as we don't buy my daughter anything anymore!  Her way of thinking is we need to show them our love by buying them presents and things.  Well, I was raised that money doesn't buy love!  At least not true  love.

I have a question for everyone who has gone through this with their own children or stepchildren.  Okay, maybe a few questions!  

  • Does it ever change once they mature?  Will they start to come around again?
  • How do you let go, if that’s what it takes to move on?
  • What did we do wrong?  I know it wasn’t always easy being our blended family, but we always loved them and did so much for them.

Every night I watch my husband’s heart break over and over again because of the “Lost Boys“, and I can’t bear it anymore but don’t know what to do about it... just let it go?  This is the biggest reason that I can’t throw the towel in on our marriage, it would kill him to go through this again with our son Dylan.  And I couldn’t do that to anyone, especially him.  So another one of my issues is our marriage and the lack of everything that it used to be when we were first dating!  But I keep on keepin’ on because I have faith that we need to stick through these financially difficult times to get back to our real lives, the one that we enjoyed together.  Man, money stinks.  It may not buy happiness, but it sure as hell makes life easier and in turn an easier life can bring about happiness and contentment.

I would like to close with a family quote:

The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.  ~Erma Bombeck


Our Family... when we were a united front.




Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Jul 26, 2010
    • I’m so sorry you are going through this. It’s hard enough to have a blended family with all the dynamics that brings. But, when financial disruptions come into play it only compounds the issues. And, you know, teenagers are often a very narcissistic bunch. the boys may be acting out in a very selfish way at the moment but hopefully the foundation you built as a family will make that only temporary.

      Best to you



            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      MaryAnne Carrier-Harrison wrote Jul 26, 2010
    • Michelle-

      I know what you are going through as my life has run almost the same as yours has.

      The money the house the gifts. I will send you a message when I have a minute but I am on my way out the door.

      Take care and hang in..

      Talk to you soon.

      MaryAnneestatic



            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Jul 26, 2010
    • Michelle I am so sorry that you have to go thru this. Blending families is a hard job under the best circumstances. And even harder when there is a curve ball or 2.

      From personal experience I can tell you that talking about things without being accusatory helps. Also confirming that these things don’t define your love for each other. Sometimes that’s a hard thing to do especially when you are stressed out. But it’s THE most important thing you can do.

      Just focus on the love (even when it’s hard) and focus on why you fell in love with your hubzheart



            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linni wrote Jul 26, 2010
    • i am so sorry you have to go through this..  

      i havent had to deal with what you are blended families ).. i have just been a single mom whos x husband doesnt pay child support.. its very difficult.. i will keep you in prayer..

      i am here if you need to vent!

      heart



            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Michelle05 wrote Jul 26, 2010
    • Ladies -

      Thank you for your support and encouragement!  That is why I joined Fab40! happy

      heart you gals!



            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Jul 26, 2010
    • I wish I knew what to say...here for you to offer an ear.



            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Jul 27, 2010
    • I lived a similar life with my daughters father before we parted when I got pregnant. We parted because I wanted to go through with the pregnancy and he did not. I met my husband when my daughter was one year old and our life went down hill as soon as I had my son. There was sickness and we both lost our jobs 3 times at the same time. Everything went the nice car, the life and certainly the friends. My daughters father got married and he and his wife turned their noses up at our family and put our daughter under allot of stress each time she goes to be with them as they bad mouth us. I have taught her good values and she is a smart girl even though she has the opportunity to live both lives she still stick to all that I teach her. At this moment she is in Disney but I know she is eager to get home to the humble life we live because it is filled with lots of love. Keep praying God is very good at listening and answering prayers.



            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Rowland wrote Aug 2, 2010
    • So so sorry to hear you are going through this. Let me know if you need anything. I am here to support heart



            Report  Reply


About this author View Blog » 
author