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Benefits
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Well Ladies,
I am riding this tide as we speak. I have been a mother who consistently and openly talked to my children (3 girls 1 son) about abstinence, protection, self-worth, birth control options, waiting until marriage to have sex, and the possibility of STD’s or AIDS/HIV. We’ve even attended workshops sponsored by our local Health Department.
In addition, before my oldest daughter (who was an average student) graduated three years ago from high school she was required to bring the simulated baby home for a week.
Nevertheless, last April my 16 year old daughter (who is an honor roll student, who styles hair on weekends at home grossing about $500 monthly, scored a 28 on her ACT test) had contracted an STD from her supposed boyfriend. Approximately, one month later I received the news that she was pregnant by the same young man.
Both myself and his mother were extremely angry and disappointed and every other emotion that goes and comes with this type of news. Nevertheless, Cherish was determined to have her baby. It was extremely difficult for me and honestly I didn’t know what to do or say. After all the years of scripting what I would do and what they wouldn’t do. I couldn’t say not a word!!!!
I didn’t not want to be a grandmother nor did I want any little people in the house because I was tired of kids. My youngest was 11 at the time. Talking about a ball of confusion and a wreck. I was all of that and some!!!
But what was I going to do throw her out?! Turn my back?! What? The only thing I could realistically do was remember I had done everything imaginable to help educate and inform my children. And that’s where it ended. Ultimately, they were going to make their own decisions.
I firmly made Cherish aware of my feelings, my expectations
and my intentions. I then began to remind myself first that my baby was eleven and that this was Cherish’s child and my grandchild.
And after that I took each day as they came. I acknowleded my feelings and kept moving. Now everyday I look in the face of my first grandchild with much joy and anticipation for her life and all that her mother will accomplish!
Now, I’ve also returned more fiercely that pregnancy before marriage is not an option for anyone else in my home! Zhari is the first and the last. And ain’t nothing in between.
This experience has truly made me love my children even more, but it makes me even more sensitive to the need around our nation when it comes to OUR kids.
Wow...such a touching story...I’m like you...preaching till the cows come home..knowing too that our children will and do...what they want to do anyway...You did a good thing by at least trying...please know that...All we can do as mothers and parents..is talk to our children...teach them and set an example...the rest is up to them...
Well congrats and take it one day at a time. The baby is here now so enjoy the many years of growth with her and her mom.
There’s so much anguish before, but once that baby comes, you just love it love it love it.
What a beautifully written blog, Michelle. You are one together Mom! What i found most insightful was this statement you made:
“...remember I had done everything imaginable to help educate and inform my children. And that's where it ended. Ultimately, they were going to make their own decisions.”
That statement is the cornerstone of every parent/child relationship! As a parent, all we can do is our best...and don’t i know that sometimes even my very best feels so very inadequate.
Congratulations on your first grandchild. Your daughter will take her lessons from you and do her best by her daughter, i just know it! What more can you ask for?
XOX
Michelle, first let me say congrats on your new grandchild...second I can truly feel your pain and frustration I too went through all those emtions & feelings the only difference is that both of my sons became teenage fathers when they are babies them self in every since of the word spoil brats.
I was extremely pissed off becuz like you I was so open with my sons and preached and preached about not having sex or children until marriage. But like someone said this generation is going to do what they want regardless on their background or how they where raised with good morals.
What I told both of my sons I raised them and I’m at my age(42)I’m going to do me. I also had to tell him its not my responisbilty to take care of his son its his responsibility. What hurted me the most was that my oldest who is now 20 messed up in high school and did not graduate on time with his class in 07 and had to wait until 08 and graduate but I thank GOD that he did not give up and completed he is now in college.
Then my baby son who turned 17 last July 25, had a baby this past December 29, 08. Now this one really upset me & pissed me off so bad. My granddaughter mother is 19 soon to be 20 in July and he will be turning 18 in July. Now this time I had to ask her why in the world would you go and get yourself pregnant by a boy who is baby himself and extremely a spoil brat he is the picture perfect Momma’s boy? She could not give me any answer but look dumb & stupid at me. I had to let her know I don’t know what she was expecting from Jamar but in reality he is his a baby himself who does not have anything to offer her and cannot take care of himself because I’m still raising & supporting him.
I gave my son the same spill that his oldest brother got but was much harder on him because he saw first hand what his brother went threw. He tried to say that she tricked him but I had to remind him that he tricked himself because we have had numerous conversations until I was blue in the face and the cows came home to rest.
I feel that the kids in this younger generation are not looking at the babies they are bring into the world as a life that they are solely responsible for their entire life. Your job as a parent does not stop when they turn 18 or 21 this is a life commitment. What I told both of my sons and their children mother was that I’ll always be their to support and love them but I was not going to raise their children. They made their bed and now they must lay in it like the old folks use to say when I was growing up.
Michelle don’t give up on your 16 year old daughter just be their to support her that’s all you can do at this point. Trust me I know all too well first hand an my oldest son had to grow up real fast. The road was not easy and still is not because he is at the age where he knows it all and I always wrong. So I sit back and let him make his own mistakes but when he needs me, Momma is always right their to tell him I told you so and then we move on. I give tough loved but will never turn my back on either one of my sons.
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