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Ok, Ladies... I am new to this site and have so enjoyed reading what other women are dealing with on a day to day basis. I thought I would finally jump in.

 ... My daughter is now in college. One of the kindest hearted girls you would ever meet. Really... I am not being partial... She has accomplished so much and has overcome some really dark days when her Dad and I divorced. He was so abusive. Another story. Anyway, she received this hurtful blog sent to her facebook account that I am sharing. See Below...  

I told her who it was that wrote it. Just a gut feeling I had.  My thoughts were the only girl that still cares who sang at graduation is the girl that did not get picked to sing.  

I was right. We found out it was her...  The girl admitted it and  her response  to Ashley was so  kind and seem sincere... How could you not forgive after those words.. Ashley did with open arms...

 Well... guess what.... the girl is back ....  SAYING HORRIBLE THINGS ...  

I told my daughter I would post this and see what other womens advice would be.  

MY thoughts were... you cannot control what people say...you can only control your reaction to it. My advice to her was , Let Go and Let God....

Thanks in advance for any insight or advice.

First Post...

“ashley
i think you are a fake person that attempts to be nice to everyone’s face but then talks about them behind their back. i also think you can’t act or sing as well as You Think you can. You were good at acting in high school, but now you‘re out of your safety zone and you suck.
Also, you can only carry a tune when it comes to singing. You do Not have a pretty tone in your voice—you simply try to sound like Nora Jones, and it doesn’t work. People like you are Not meant to sing in public..only in the shower.
That’s why You should have never sang at graduation last year. It hurt my ears. They should have just let Jenna sing the Alma Mater and that song.
On a good note, you‘re good at being nice to people’s face, and you seem to get along with most people. Kudos to you. You also have pretty eyelashes

Apolopgy Letter...

So at first, I was going to write you a message and be like “haha, they mispelled my name“...

But I’m not going to do that. I’m actually going to own up to writing this. That’s right....I’m not proud of it, but I wrote it. You probably already knew that, but I just wanted to tell you and sincerely apologize.
Honestly, I wrote this in spite of you. I was such an angry person at the time and nothing seemed to be going my way.
1. You can sing and it made me incredibly jealous. ANYtime I think I have any competition, I just get soo mean honestly. Especially with something as important to me as singing at my high school graduation..when I was the one known for singing in high school..not singing AND acting—just singing. It made me sick that someone else go to enjoy my only joy while I just stuck singing the alma mater.
2. You can act. Once again, it was a jealousy thing. I know I can’t act very well..it’s just not in my gene’s (obviously). Ha. I was angry at myself for not participating in the play more in high school..and then the graduation thing just kinda added on.
3. I really did think you were fake at one point..and I guess that was just my lack of character in judging you when I had never spent more than a few hours with you the whole time I’d known you. I shouldn’t have, and I’m feeling like a big ass right now..especially after being around you a good bit the past month or so..I honestly forgot that I even wrote this b/c I wrote it in like..August? I don’t know.
Anyway, this is taking a lot out of me by fessing up. I just wanted to apologize and admit I was wrong. I was simply swimming in envy and jealousy, and I wanted to be mean to someone..You were just the one that came to mind. I’m glad it really didn’t hurt your feelings though..
If you’d like, you may lash out on me all you want. I’ve honestly always wanted to know what people REALLY think about me..whether it’s b/c they THINK they know me, or they really do know me and want to point out some of my flaw.
I’m sorry Ashley.
Just wanted you to know...and I hope you don’t hate me now.



  •  

Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Sep 25, 2008
    • I think the apology should have been given in person. Face to face.

      While the internet can be a wonderful tool, there is a feeling of anonymity with it that sometimes becomes an excuse for awful behavior. Sometimes it’s just too impersonal.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dana Hall wrote Sep 25, 2008
    • Darla,

      I feel your pain. This is something that I have struggled with all my life. Just when you think you‘re going along great, someone rains on your parade. I can’t even imagine why anyone would be intentionally mean to another human being! My attitude is that mean people suck!

      One thing I always think is that you never know if the person you‘re speaking to, or passing in a car, or whatever, has just lost a loved one, or has been given terrible medical news, etc.

      Now, since turning 40, I have (not thinking, but acting instinctively), put myself between someone disrespecting another and their victim. I really need to be more careful. But, something “snapped” in me, and I just won’t tolerate disrespect! :(

      On the other hand, I have another new habit, kind-of my own assist to “Cosmic What Comes Around Karma“-lol! I go out of my way to thank helpful, or especially nice people, employees, etc. I am known to call for the manager to compliment a great employee, or write glowing reviews.  

      I have talked to my kids about this stuff since they were old enough to get snubbed. Kids can be so mean! And, ALL the kids who enter my home know that I am there for them, they‘re all like family. BUT, no matter who’s kid they are, they all know I do not tolerate disrespect towards anyone!

      BIG Hugs!
      Dana



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Shopgirl1960 wrote Sep 25, 2008
    • Hi Darla,

      My opinion is that this girl is who she is. I know that there is a lot of immaturity involved... but you know what..
      I was NEVER EVER like this to others at any age. Were YOU ? Let’s hope life will somehow change her..... if not.. she
      has a loooooooooooong road ahead of her. She will have a LOT
      of days when things aren’t going her way. ( She stated that things weren’t going her way.)

      I think there is more to this girl than meets the eye and if
      I think your daughter would do well to forgive, but certainly not forget. AND move on !!!

      Warm Hugs~
      Della



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Inakika wrote Sep 25, 2008
    • Wow! That young lady is obviously quite jealous of your daughter to say such harsh things about her. Then, she admits her jealousy, only to once again turn around and speak harshly of your daughter.
      But you know, I would just pray for that young lady and move on. Tell Ashley not to waste another minute of her precious time agonizing over someone so petty. When we give ugliness too much thought, we then give the person that hurt us way too much importance in our life.
      Your daughter must have major talent to have inspired such a response. Tell her to please develop that talent for all the world to enjoy. Then she will have the last laugh.
      Oh, and please ask Ashley if I can have her autograph in advance! :)

      All the best,
      Ingrid



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Leeann wrote Sep 25, 2008
    • Dana,

            What you said was so true. I cleaned house of all hateful people. It was the best thing I did. I have been through to much. I need warm people around.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mksactown wrote Sep 25, 2008
    • Well what can I say that all these Fabulous women haven’t already...show your daughter all these comments and she will feel better and move on.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Clark wrote Sep 25, 2008
    • Well....I for the life of me can’t understand why anyone...young girl or not...would do such a horrible thing?  I don’t comprehend that behavior.  If I knew my daughter had written those hateful things....I would skin her alive.  (Just a figure of speech...LOL...not literally)

      Your daughter can accept the apology but she shouldn’t forget and just move on.  It will take a while for her to truly forgive.  

      And who says this girl didn’t do all of this just to be able to say all these things..but then get away with it....

      Unreal....



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Darla5 wrote Sep 26, 2008
    • Once again...all of you have shown why this site is so great. Thank you for all the responses.

      My daughter has already asked  if there were any responses and I can let her read all the wonderful advice.

      I have NEVER understand such mean behavior. As MaryClark stated, my parent’s would of skinned me alive also.

      The Lord has blessed Ashley with a talent. The  girl that wrote this letter and continues to do harsh things goes to the church Ashley attends. The girl helps lead the Praise and Worship singing for the Youth Services.  

      Ashley will not sing at church for fear of the backlash from this girl. I have told her that if the Lord only wanted this one girl to sing, He would have only given her the talent of singing. God has blessed you with a talent, He expects you to use it. Many others would gladly take that talent.. I told her if I could sing like her, I would sing so much that my household would tell me to shut-up....
      What would it be like if we turned on the radio and only one singer was ever heard.... The Lord likes variety.

      So , I am standing by on the sides lines and watching... to see how Ashley responds. Ashley is hurt  that she is  having to deal with this again and  the character she has displayed so far is amazing.  

      Thanks again for all the kind words, the wonderful advice. It means alot that you haven taken time out of your daily lives to comment. I cannot wait to show Ashley. I wish all of you the very best.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Elizabeth "Libby" Day wrote Sep 26, 2008
    • Darla5,
      With all the great advise and encouragement given, may I just affirm you as a mother.  You are to be commended for your unconditional support in helping that lovely daughter of yours handle a very difficult situation.  It sounds like she has her feet squarely grounded and her faith in the right “Person.”  I learned with my own children (now grown) that the best help sometime can be to teach them how to handle difficulties not remove it for them.  I think your adise to “Let go and let God” is the most sound advise for the present and the future you could have given.  Another tidbit is to continue to encourage her to use her God-given talents as the Lord opens those doors.  Tell her from one singer to another, to look to see where God is working around her and join Him.  Then her life will be full and blessed and He will receive the glory due only to Him.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Sunkist wrote Sep 26, 2008
    • I have always felt that when someone speaks negatively about another person, it only makes the speaker look bad, not the person they are speaking about.

      Your daughter Ashley obviously has a lot to be ENVIOUS of, to envy someone is a positive thing.  But this girl is JEALOUS and jealousy is a negative thing which only creates hate, as you see.  To envy someone would be to want to aspire to something someone else is or has.  

      My opinion, I would have your daughter stay away from this girl as she can not understand that the world does not revolve around her and with life comes competition and making room for others.  I believe her family did not teach her this.  She also seems very immature.

      Good luck to Ashley, I  know its a tough situation, and I understand her fear of singing in the church now, but she really should not worry what this other girl says about her.  A blog like her is something I would “delete” and move on.

      Good luck to you Ashley, keep being who you are and many will continue to look up to you, appreciate who you are, and be ever so proud of what a good, kind person you are as well!

      Joanne



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kristine McDavid wrote Sep 26, 2008
    • Tell your daughter to forgive that girl in her heart, but not to associate with her.   Just because she has forgiven her does not mean she has to associate with her in anyway.   What that girl did is manipulative and mean.  She obviously has many of her own insecurities.  Even the apology is a form of manipulation.   My sister had someone do this to her all through highschool for the same reason.  They were both in plays and would be both up for the same roles and if my sister beat her out, this girl would make harrassing calls to our house, write nasty  messages on our street in shaving cream.  I mean it was predictable after a while.  Honestly, I wish your daughter could talk to my sister.   My sister just ignored the girl.  She says she forgave her a long time ago, even when the girl was being mean to her because the issue was with the girl not with my sister.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kristine McDavid wrote Sep 26, 2008
    • Jesus‘girl you make a good point that we don’t know this girl, but read what the original text says.  It says the girl is back saying horrible things.  So she apologized and then decided to be mean again. Being mean, then being nice, then being mean again, is manipulation.  I say Ashley forgives the girl, ignores her mean comments and surrounds herself with good people.  And don’t be afraid to sing in church Ashley, that is what this girl wants.  If you have a beautiful voice use it.  Don’t ever give someone else the power over you to make you afraid to shine.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Clark wrote Sep 26, 2008
    • On the comment about “taking a while to truly forgive“...let’s face it people.  We are human.  If you think that you really forgive someone that has really done you either physical harm or emotional harm....immediately....those times are far and few between.  I did a 6 week study on “forgiveness” at my church....and I’m not claiming to be an expert by any means...but I truly believe this.  We all deal with different things that hurt us...some are very hurtful and othes not as much.  But...all in all...we are suppose to forgive whoever has done us wrong.  Jesus forgives us daily..therefore..we are suppose to forgive as well.  But.....because we are human...you have to work it out within yourself to come to that point.  There are things that have happened in my life where others have hurt me deeply.  For me to say that I immediatley forgave them when they told me they were sorry..would be a lie.  I had to pray to God to help me get to that point...and I had to really look deep into my heart and work it all out.  Eventually I did come to that point.  And a good way to know that you have truly forgiven someone is when you think about what that person did to you to hurt you..and it doesn’t make your temperature rise...or upset you....then you have reached that.  Doesn’t mean that you ever forget it...but you forgive.  Some people are able to forgive right away...and others just say they do but in their heart they really haven’t.  I’m just being honest about how people really are.  And we don’t need to crucify ourselves just because we don’t forgive someone right away.  God knows this...

      Just some clarification on that......



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Darla5 wrote Sep 26, 2008
    • Mary Clark,

      Thank you for such wonderful insight. You are so right...We all are different.... Respond in different ways... Different talents. If we were all the same ...how boring would that be.  

      Your words I have taken to heart... “When you think about that person or what they did and do not get a rise in temperature then you know you truly have forgiven.” This is some advice that we can all take to heart.”

      Thanks Girl!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tamara47 wrote Sep 26, 2008
    • My father would always say, if they are stink talkin about you they are insanely jealous, and what they say they hate about you is really and exactly what they hate about themselves....so forgiving is the only option that gives you confidence.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tamara47 wrote Sep 26, 2008
    • Yup, look after such a public display of angst...I would say real friendship would be difficult at best...

      Forgiveness does not mean your are bound to be around them for the rest of life,  

      Stepping back, take a deep breath, move on with life...unfortunately you learn life is still a school playground with bullies and all, well into adult hood as displayed by America’s brightest and best in Congress, Hollywood, and the rest...



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tamara47 wrote Sep 26, 2008
    • I am with ya....it grates at my last unwinding nerve....



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tamara47 wrote Sep 26, 2008
    • oh....I have been clicking on the wrong reply to comment button....alrightythen



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Robinesque wrote Sep 26, 2008
    • I can’t BELIEVE all the meanness that permeates from the schools these days.  Was it like this for any of you?  Certainly not for me.  At least, not to this degree.  Bullies and what have you have been around since the Stone Age but looked at the advances that have been made in that particular area!!  It’s atrocious!  When I was reading the post, all I could think of was the incident in the news where the neighbor down the street pretended to be a guy that was in love with the girl on the net, and she ended up committing suicide because she thought he didn’t love her anymore.  (Right?)  I am constantly checking my 11 y/o son’s moods for changes, not wanting to go to school, excuses, etc., for fear that with him being such a gentle soul, he will be picked on.  The fact that this is his first year in Middle School does NOT help.  (He’s fine).

      I blame the media.  YES, the media with all of there mean girl-themed movies! Movies that deal with WHY, WHOM and WHY NOT someone is deemed acceptable and worthy.  (Of what?)  And what of the campus shootings?  Violent XBOX games and the like?  Sensory overload!!  NONE of this is lost on our “innocent” children.  Unfortunately, they are not so innocent as we’d like to believe.

      I didn’t mean to be this long and I don’t think I answered the question.

      Darla5, forgive this kid.  C‘mon she’s a kid who obviously had some revelation.  I’d keep an eye on her.  “Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer.”



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cheryl Guy wrote Sep 26, 2008
    • There are definitely enough great opinions on here so I don’t feel the need to leave mine. I just want to tell you that I saw the picture of your daughter & she is not only talented, but BEAUTIFUL! No wonder this girl is so jealous!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dana Arcuri wrote Sep 27, 2008
    • The saying, “Sticks and stones may break our bones, but names will never harm us” is a lie.  Words do hurt us, especially the ugly, cruel words that were written in the blog on Facebook.

      In the bible, Luke 17:3-4 states, “IF YOUR BROTHER SINS, REBUKE HIM, AND IF HE REPENTS, FORGIVE HIM.  IF HE SINS AGAINST YOU SEVEN TIMES IN A DAY, AND SEVEN TIMES COMES BACK TO YOU AND SAYS, ‘I REPENT,’ FORGIVE HIM.”

      Yes, God calls us to forgive, but your daughter does NOT have to associate with this mean-spirited girl.  I would recommend your daughter to cut all ties with this girl, who is not a friend.  

      My prayers are with your daughter that Jesus would comfort and strengthen her right now.  I pray that your daughter can grow confident in her relationship with Jesus that she will know beyond a shadow of doubt that she was created with beautiful God-given gifts, that she is eternally significant in God’s eyes.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dianne67 wrote Sep 27, 2008
    • I could just imagine how hurt your daughter must have felt when she read such an ugly post.  I know I would be hurt to read such mean comments.  I just think that when people lash out like that they are truly unhappy wth themselves.  I have to wonder what is happening or happened in that girl’s life for her to behave like that to another human being.  Granted, she apologized, but she should have never sent something like that to begin with to her.  People like that are not even worth being given the satisfaction that she hurt you.  I am sure your daughter has plenty of caring friends.  It saddens me to see how mean children can be and I think it is cowardly when done in an email because she obviously would never have the courage to say that in person.  Don’t let this person get the better of your daughter, life is too short to allow stuff like this to bother her.

      Hugs to your daughter-
      Dianne



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Deb Link wrote Sep 27, 2008
    • I think that if there is a way that you might want to block that girl from your daughter’s page.  Report it to the website.  Try to ignore the jealous rantings of an immature person.  Her opinion doesn’t count....and if I started to read a post sent to me and it was obviously an attack I would delete it.  Don’t give it any of your energy.  Once again...try to block that user from your page, report the incident and go on with your life.  Hopefully that girl will grow up some day.
      BTW-the apology means nothing if the behavior is still the same.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Deb Link wrote Sep 27, 2008
    • I just double checked my Facebook account and you can block users and control what is posted on your page.  Go to settings to make your changes.  This might be the easiest way to handle this and no one gets hurt.
      Good Luck.
      :)



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Sunkist wrote Sep 27, 2008
    • Wow, this has become a hot topic!!  I think everyone here is entitled to their opinion on this matter, which means there is no right or wrong opinion in this matter.  

      Continue please.....



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