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An interesting thing happened to me on my way home this evening.  As i drove home, my mind wandered (as it often does when i’m alone in the car).  I think i crossed a bridge tonight...i realized that i am no longer “young“.  I am certifiably “old” and there is no denying it any longer.  I have become part of a completely separate generation than i was 10 years ago. I am sensible and cautious, no longer taking part in reckless behaviors such as drinking and driving or a game of Quarters.  I can no longer fly by the seat of my pants because i understand the importance of thinking things through.  I don’t worry that i’m missing something if i go to bed at 9:00 at night and i don’t enjoy sleeping half of the day away.  My life’s pleasures involve spending time with my family and cultivating a close relationship with my husband that will sustain us into the winter of our lives.  The idea of running here and there to see this person or do that fun thing is no longer a draw for me.  I am content to be home.

Contentment...now there is the clincher, i believe.  When we were in our twenties, did we hope for contentment?  Not me.  It was excitement i longed for.  In our thirties, did we look for contentment?  Not me.  Acceptance was my goal; acceptance by my family, my husband, my friends...but most importantly, myself!  Yes, it is on my way out of my forties that i find myself enjoying and hoping to maintain my contentedness; a calmer ride, a more predictable path, a quieter pace, a safer place.

I wonder what i will hope for when i am in my fifties...

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