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Benefits
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Benefits
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I lost my mother to cancer at age 17. I lost my father to cancer in 2000. As much as I hate to admit it, I find myself being jealous of my friends who still have their parent/parents. I don’t mean jealous in a malicous way it’s just that I miss them both terribly. I read an article once about “Orphaned Adults“. I had never thought of it that way. To me, an orphan was a child that didn’t have parents, not adults. I think quite often how much I wished my mother lived to know her grandson. My husbands mother is 84 and a sweetheart. When he talks about her it’s always that we have to go see her because he doesn’t know how much longer he’ll have with her. I can’t help but have my feelings hurt that he won’t spend Thanksgiving or Christmas with my step mother of 30 years. I tell him, well, she’s fighting breast cancer so I don’t know how much time I’ll have left with her. I know it comes across as petty, which I try not to be. I’d like to know if any of you ladies experience the same feelings I do.
Although I am fortunate enough that both of my parents are still living, I grew up without any living grandparents. I always felt as if I was missing out on something as compared to my other friends.
I’m sorry your husband doesn’t see the importance in sharing time with your stepmother. I don’t think you‘re being petty at all.
As a compromise, maybe you could spend Thanksgiving with one mom, and Christmas with the other. If you could spend some time with your stepmom, maybe these feelings would diminish. But they will probably not go away entirely because you have suffered a life-long loss.
In years past, I, too, had difficulty getting my husband to travel with me to visit my family. So I started going by myself. I was not going to give up special time with loved ones simply because he refused to go with me. And so I spent many Thanksgivings New Year’s Eves without him.
But now he chooses to go with me everytime, unless he’s working. He finally saw how special those holiday times can be when spent with those dear to us.
Wishing you luck in finding a solution,
tamra
Tamra, thanks for the advice. I have asked to to spend half a day with each mother. He still refuses. On Christmas eve he always wants to attend church. There has been Mother’s Day that I spent with my mother and not his. I have talked and talked to him about compromise but it falls on deaf ears. I too am wishing to find a solution. Thanks again!
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