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?       I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.    


?       There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.    


?        Life is sexually transmitted.  

?        Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.    

?      The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.  

?         Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.  

?       Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?    

?        Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.  

?        All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.  

?       In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird.  Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal..    

?        How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?  

?       Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ‘I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?’  

?       If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?    

?       Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?  

?        If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

?        If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?  

?       Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?  

?       Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?    

?         Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?    

?        Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?

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