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I am 44 and have always been told I look younger. This is a good thing right?? Lately, I can’t take it anymore. I see my looks slipping away I just can’t keep up anymore. There is so much maintenance and it’s daunting. Hair, skin care, nails, weight etc... Everything seems harder to me. Although I am still thin, I feel so fat. I have excess fat in places that I should not have fat. I have never had to exercise to maintain my weight, but now it is becoming more difficult. I spent a fortune on the obaji skin care line and I have been doing it for over 30 days and my skin still looks awful. I hate doing my nails, but if I don’t then they really look bad. I hate getting my hair dyed, but I am too chicken to go gray. I have tried numerous styles and cuts for my hair and hate all of them. I just wish it was less work. God, I just want to move to an island somewhere that I can grow old peacefully. Maybe 50 will be better because I won’t be trying anymore to keep up. What do you think?




Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Feb 5, 2010
    • There’s absolutely nothing wrong with looking your age.  Why fight it so hard?



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Coachmombabe wrote Feb 5, 2010
    • Kisbel, I’ll be 53 in March, have gone “silver“, don’t do my nails unless I have a special ocassion. I want to spend more time on the people I love. I eat right (better than most), am implementing the yoga back into my lifestyle, take time with my hair and makeup. I still want to look good, but I don’t mind looking my age. WE are the ones that can make the way for aging to be a thing of honor and respect again, by treating it that way ourselves! In my humble opinion, of course! ;)



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mz. Queen wrote Feb 5, 2010
    • it is possible to look your age and feel damn good about it. it is possible to look younger than your age and feel damn good about it.

      Baby girl, just feel good in your spirit the rest will permeate. Enjoy walking, take your vitamins, even if you have to drink them. You are beautiful. So keep your nails cut short, color your hair for $3, buy a couple of wigs. Play dress up whatever brings a smile to your face.  

      My nails are natural, cut short, my hair is natural cut short, I own two wigs just because, I drink my vitamins, I walk sometimes jog and play with the dog.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Karyn Olson wrote Feb 5, 2010
    • I feel like that at times too...but I notice it is when I am feeling stressed....all sorts of feelings come out when I am stressed.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Ladybug10 wrote Feb 5, 2010
    • happy,i agree with my friend the nails dont matter or the hair age is in your heart your as young as you feel ,take time to realize all that you have accomplished up to now ..give credit to your self for all you’ve accomplished and take just 1 day if you feel the need to do the nails etc live life have fun the only thing in life that schould be hard is ice cream..life is too short,i bet you look smashing despite what you think,we are alays harder on our selves,take care of you your happiness the rest will work its self out..have a great friday



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kisbel65 wrote Feb 5, 2010
    • I agree I am stressed. I think that has a lot to do with my state of mind. I am a newleywed at 44 with a 19 year old daugther still at home. I’m in pharmaceutical sales (that is one of the reasons that looking younger is important...this is a youth obsessed industry). I am in graduate school because I know that I have to transition out of pharaceutical sales. Also, my job is sales is stressful. Graduate school is very demanding. We are a verrrrrrrrrrrrry busy family. It does not help that my daughter is high maintanence. She has ADD with a developmental delay. She is  19 going on 14. She has average IQ (tested average intellect), but is emotionally immature.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Feb 5, 2010
    • You have been given some great advice on here. But what I wonder is.... Do you take care of yourself first or everyone and everything else first?

      It has to start with you!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linni wrote Feb 6, 2010
    • good question Vikki!
      i agree with the others on here!heart
      through all of it remember to BREATHE!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Allinet48 wrote Feb 6, 2010
    • I’m in the process of going natural(hair color wise)-one more haircut and color will be all gone. Having mixed feelings, am I old enough to pull this off? Mind over hair.  I feel younger than 48 in my mind-body wise, not so much. I do try to take care of me first now-only one kid left at home, help w/ the house, trying different therapy for continuing pain. All of this takes adjusting to, or changing my perspective on life to match what is real now.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Venus 7000 wrote Feb 7, 2010
    • Sounds like you have a full plate to deal with and its not just about keeping up with your appearance.  

      You should probably pick one thing and let that go.  

      I would go with the nails.  Allow them to be natural but keep them trimmed and neat for a few weeks and see whether you can live with that.  This will not affect your overall appearance much but may make you feel a bit more in control.    

      You may want to see a dermatologist about your skin.  The products you are using may be wrong for your skin type.  

      Finally, make some time for yourself.  You sound very stressed at the moment.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Feb 7, 2010
    • All good advice.......



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote Feb 7, 2010
    • There are changes that each and every one of us goes through and sometimes fear, hopelessness and dread sink in.  All great advice above and most of all remember everything starts from within..inner peace promotes an outer glow!estatic



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Hunnypot88 wrote Feb 7, 2010
    • Just be who you are. I have gray and call myself a silver fox, I do not dye my hair or do my nails. That to me is the blessing of being older. I am thin and in better shape than some twenty year old girls but I am also comfortable with who I am. I tell any man that I meet that I am not a barbie doll what you see is what you get and if he doesn’t like it the next one might. But I love it and embrace myself.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Raquel2526 wrote Feb 7, 2010
    • Wow, I really heard you in your message.  At 42, I am embracing my years and blessings and all the physical “battle wounds” that come along with it.  

      Earlier, in my 30s, I did feel discomfort in trying to keep up with all the young hotties, but listening to other wise women has helped me come to peace.  What was I trying to hide behind the hair, the make up, the clothes, the material possessions?  Look around and see how some women can look too overdone, trying too hard.  Obvious plastic surgery, fussy hair, severe makeup, loud clothing.  What looks great on younger people can really be too much on us refined 40 somethings.  It can look downright silly.  

      Now, look at those women who are understated, elegant and confident.  At peace with themselves.  And they don't hide the wrinkles, the graying, the bulges -- however, they make the most of what they have in a refined way and still manage to look very pulled together. That is what I now find much more attractive -- this inner glow.  But - that's me.  How do the comparisons look to you?  

      Hoping this helped you - sending you love and peace, my friend!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Hunnypot88 wrote Feb 7, 2010
    • We are all a canvas that God is working on. He may think I look great with gray hair on my temples and we all know that God doesn’t make junk! Every woman should do for herself what makes her feel good and happy, because at 45 that is my focus now, my happiness and self worth. At 22 yes I worried if I looked great for my husband and heaven forbid someone saw me looking undone, but now I just accept who I am. If it’s a bad hair day I just rock a hat instead of fussing all day trying to get it right. I want to put my energy into smiling more and enjoying life, not worrying about if I am going to look silly, get my hair messed up or brake a nail.

      If a man that is in his 50’s is looking for that, than I know I am not the gal for him and that does not make me any less of a woman, I am just not his type of woman and that is ok. Love and live life the way you want to is what being 4o and over is all about.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Hunnypot88 wrote Feb 7, 2010
    • P.S. Raquel you look great!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Georgiamamasita wrote Feb 17, 2010
    • I relate to everything here.  Kisbel65, I am routinely told I look “so much younger than” my age - 45.  Sounds great, right?  Well, this is fuel for the fire.  Why is that great?!  What would happen if I just looked great FOR my age?  This is a set up comment to make you feel you have to consistently live up to it.  God forbid, someone should come along and think “wow, she’s let herself go this year - she NOW looks her age!“.  Think of how ridiculous this is.  Our society is so youth obsessed, it is insane.  Even in More, my favorite magazine, the beautiful 40 and 50 years old are MODELS, CELEBS or in the upper echelon of socioeconomic status that they don’t give a flying “bleep” how much Obaji is, or how much the trainer is, or how much the make up artist or photoshopper is charging.  

      Unfortunately, this is the world we live in, however.  It takes a huge change in perspective and a huge shift in attitude and self worth to buck the trend.  I am constantly “at war” within myself to buck the trend.  One woman (with the help of some wise women) trying like hell to care only about my opinion of myself at any one time.  I met get it right by the time I turn 90....lol.tongue out



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kisbel65 wrote Feb 17, 2010
    • I agree about MORE magazine. All the women are there saying hey its wonderful to be over 40, but hey I have the money to look great. Why not feature women over 40 who look normal. No we get someone like Holly hunter who has plenty of money to look good. It would be nice if they had a regular gal. MORE magazine is hypocritical.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kisbel65 wrote Feb 17, 2010
    • By the way, Obaji is the best. I started using in Dec 2009 and wow! what a difference.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kisbel65 wrote Aug 20, 2010
    • I am looking through this post that is now six months old and I can say with confidence that at the core of my problems today is my fear of aging. I am seriously thinking about letting my hair gray. I think that it would help me embrace aging. At present I am going through perimenopause and dealing with a lot of anxiety.



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