Some seasons in life are awesome. Breathing is easy, loving is easier, the number on the scale smiles back at you. And your Teens more than tolerate you.... Some seasons not so much..... Constant state of “drowning” makes it hard to breath, hating is effortless (especially my self), that stupid number reaches an all time high (other than that time I carried an almost 12 pound baby in my body), and my teens think i’m from another planet.......  Oh those times that worshipping at the piano is the painless, smooth, fun, when you blink and hours have gone by, and your left with achy hands but you dont care, and just want to get back on those keys.. You feel the presence of Jesus everywhere you go, see Him in everything you look at, hear Him in your dreams. You can get lost in the word, and never want to leave......AND THEN those times you feel you have been abandoned, left for dead, orphaned......alone.....no matter how many people are around you, you are utterly alone.....worship Him now? hmmmmmm whats on Netflix........where did I put my bible last? 5 min at the piano and your sick of the sound......the winter seasons, long, dark, cold, seemingly forever.....longing for spring......for green.....for life.....for HIM.....

  The Israelites were in a “season” of time that lasted 40 years. 40 years in the wilderness. That is a long season, PLEASE LORD NOT THAT LONG!!!!!

  Last Wed a dear friend wrote me a little letter that the Lord gave her for me. Theres nothing quite like hearing from Holy Spirit no matter how, what, or who he speaks through. Its like cold water on a hot day, or a cold beer, or margarreta, whatever you prefer. The first thing He speaks “Cindy, I want your heart to smile, for every organ in your body to smile, and every cell to declare unending joy, I CREATED YOU FOR JOY“.........Joy has always been a hard one for me to find, choose, live. There always seems to be “something” to steal my joy away. (I very much dislike that about myself actually) .....one thing that brings my heart joy is my new puppy (well ok, joy and a lot of “other” things too, especially at 3:30 in the freakin morning) ....A few days ago, on our long 6:00 walk, I decided to go somewhere different than were we usually go. I find myself praying a lot when I walk Lizzie, and on this particularily hard day, I couldn’t contain my hearts cry any longer, feeling a freedom with my sunglasses on, I let the tears flow, and with no one around (I hope) I began to ask God out loud, “I need you to show me your love now, because i’m so desperate and alone right now you have to come through!!!” I stopped and wiped my face from the tears (and mascara) and when I opened them, right down on the sidewalk in big purple chalk it was written ” I LOVE YOU“........Right then i felt that wave of His presence and felt that weight in my heart begin to lift......I began to worship, and being now dragged by a puppy who was desperate to get moving again, I started off walking again.....breathing deeply........ about a half a block later, written again in big purple chalk “SMILE” ..........my heart and mouth in full smile, I continue.....we cross the street, and go past the park, and again written in big purple chalk “BE HAPPY“........

  It doesn’t matter what season it is. How hard it is, how lonely. The truth is “He will never leave or forsake me” EVER  “NOTHING will EVER seperate me from His love” (even when I continually screw up), He died that I may live!! and this makes my heart smile, even when my body hurts, and in this truth is true JOY, even when sorrow overwhelms me.......