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The fundamentals of good parenting irrespective of the child's gender remain the same. A child's personal attributes and abilities make him/her unique. As parents, we need to be vigilant to avoid stereotyping and using it as a yardstick.
Parents, who play a crucial role in child development , need to focus on creating an environment that fosters strengths. This will enable their child irrespective of his/her gender, to reap the benefits of long-term success. A basic assessment of natural gender differences in children will help parents to deal effectively while raising a girl, boy or both.
~Gender Stereotyping:
Stereotyping gender roles inevitably influence children if parents are not discerning enough to show sensitivity or take appropriate actions. Children can be affected by preconceived concepts in physical appearance, behavior, emotions, speech and expression of feelings. These can have a powerful impact on their careers and marital life. In the larger context, wise parents ensure that the sex of their children at no time enters into the aspects of education or in the teaching of morals and values.
~Gender Conflicts:
In families having a girl and boy both, conflicts may arise more frequently than in those having children of the same sex. At such times, parents need to be the peacemakers without bias and refrain from giving undue importance to one over the other. Parents often do not realize how differently they treat their children. Mothers tend to dote on their sons and be harder on their same-sex children while fathers do likewise with their daughters. It is important for parents to balance their love and attention with both their children and not be affected by their gender.
~Gender Perceptions:
It has been noted by the experts that both boys and girls tend to perceive themselves differently. It is for this reason they tend to behave and act differently as adolescents and adults. Wise parents would do well to discourage the social pressures of stereotyping and encourage their daughters to be strong and adventurous and their sons to be caring and affectionate. Encouraging individuality and personal development is of prime importance to all children.
~Gender Differences:
Boys and girls reveal gender differences in certain basic characteristics. This is a natural phenomenon. However, parents need to keep in mind that all children have some special talents, skills, and interests. They need to take some time alone with each child and give individual attention while doing something that he/she likes. It's important that they praise individual talents and accomplishments of each child in the same manner, be they girls or boys. This will enable them to tap their child's potential without giving more emphasis to one or the other.
~In Closing:
Let us not forget that ultimately both boys and girls need to be not only loved and accepted unconditionally; but also need visible demonstration of love and approval from their parents. They both need not only mutual respect and openness; but also need a sense of direction and support from their parents. By raising children simply as 'individuals' and not necessarily in gender specific roles, parents can eliminate stress and problematic situations. In so doing, their child will be better equipped to face the enormous challenges of today's fast-changing world.
Fabulous Parents/ Readers: Are You Raising a Boy, Girl or Both? Your insights/ comments and feedback from your parenting experiences will be much appreciated.
Dearest Nancy,
Thank you so much for your lovely compliment.
Your views and appreciation matter a lot to me.
I am still in daze—thank you so much for the unexpected call.
Love,
Gool
Great article to remind all parents that kids should be brought up with the same values, responsibilities, respect, etc. and not be labeled or excused by their gender.
Listen up mothers, it’ s OKAY for your son to learn how to cook, clean, and help with the house chores, it’s not gay, it’s not sissy, it’s is what sons and daughters should both be exposed to as part of growing up.
We as parents should strive for our kids to learn as much as possible before they leave our nest, so when they face the real world they don’t feel like invalids because their parents managed to do everything for them since the day they were born.
Thanks Yana for your insights. Todays’ parents need to look into this important aspect and fortunately most do.
I am sure you are doing the same with your children.
Gool
Thanks for the great article Gabby!
It’s really important that children be raised as the individuals that they are. I have two girls and in some ways they are the same and in others the are completely different. I try to capitalize on their strengths and personality traits.
One of my daughters is incredible at math. She is the only girl accepted into the gifted math class in 2nd grade at her school. Instead of discouraging her math abilities because she is a girl, we talk all the time about how great it is to be the only girl in this advanced class. She is also intensely competitive in everything. Instead of minimizing this my husband and I are working on channeling into something positive.
My older daughter is a strong reader with no interest in math. Her street smarts and compassion are unmatched, even by many adults I know. We get into long conversations with her about how she views people the world, etc. We always encourage her to continue her incredibly positive views of people. She is an inspiration to both me and my husband.
One thing my girls have in common is they both paint (I do also). I am letting them develop their own styles, which are vastly different from each other. This I think is a clear example of just letting them be themselves.
I’m going on and on, but the bottom line is I feel it is so important to accept them and love them as they are.
Thanks again for making me think about all of this.
Annie
________________________
http://annlustig.myarbonne.com/
Gool,
Fantastic article! Thank you !
Yana’s comments regarding boys doing what has traditionally been considered “girls” terrain :
When I first started college I went to do some laundry and there was another freshman there, a young man, completely perplexed because
he had plastered powdered detergent all over his clothes. He had put his clothes in the dryer ( with detergent and fabric softner ) and thought it was some sort of “dry cleaning ” machine. We got a good laugh, I taught him how to do laundry and he explained to me that his mother always did everything for him “because he was a boy“. His mother had wanted him to earn a good living with a college degree but never thought about his LIVING.
I still chuckle to this day.....and I learned an invaluable lesson about gender roles.
Annie—-let me Congratulate you and your husband. You are exactly doing the right thing.
You are so right to comment the importance of allowing children to develop in accordance it his/her interests and ability.
Great post—-I can see Parenting comes instinctively to you. You must have had excellent role models in your life.
Gabby
Hi Jesus‘girl!
You are a super mom—-raising 3 kids singlehandedly! Terrific—you have trained your children soo well.
O yes, it’s Parents who matter so much in the lives of your kids. [I read your Bio}
Do feel free to visit & leave behind comments so that we all can share your insights. Thanks!
gabby
How nice of you to join in—-Miss Waxwing!
I loved your story about the boy—-glad you shared it as it will teach us all parents/ grandparents a good lesson.
Times have changed dramatically. We must and teach OUR KIDS AS WELL, TO MOVE WITH THE TIMES.
Gabby
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