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We saw a headline that caused us to wonder why so many so-called "marriage counselors" give such bad advice to people.  The recent marital problems involving the well-known actress, Sandra Bullock, have been plastered all over the news services over the past few days, but here is the headline from the that got us riled – "Sandy still can save it! Sandra Bullock must fight to salvage marriage to Jesse James, experts say."  Oh, really??

First, it was Sandra's husband that cheated on her with a tattoo artist!  Why would the story highlight be what SHE has to do to save her marriage?  Good question, huh?

We love this quote from the article – "The ugly public revelations that husband Jesse James cheated on Bullock are painful but not fatal for the couple’s reeling relationship."  Again – oh, really??  Says who?

Well, it seems that psychologist Dr. Robin Newman and marriage counselor Dr. Flo Rosoff believe that Sandra can save her marriage to Jesse James.  We think they are both wrong and wrong-headed!  

We have learned many lessons over the 27 years that we have been conducting our research about successful marriage, but there is one lesson that stands out more than the others - a marriage rarely recovers from infidelity  - you can take that to the bank!  Yet, we continue to be amazed at the number of people who think they can cheat on their spouse and then expect to be forgiven.

And worse yet, try to imagine the pain and suffering a philandering spouse can have, not only on the one they are married to, but on their children, their parents and grandparents, and their friends.  Families get destroyed and relationships get squandered.  You see, a "cheating heart" as the song goes, "will tell on you."  

The ultimate betrayal of the one you say you love is almost always an unrecoverable act!   Writers, therapists, counselors, and psychologists who suggest otherwise are not only fooling themselves, they are misleading those they purport to represent.

Sandra Bullock may choose to try and save her marriage to Jesse James, but the likelihood of her succeeding is pretty close to zero.  Trust is at the very heart of a successful marriage.  Destroy the trust, destroy the marriage.  It really is that simple.

By Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz

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