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We saw a headline that caused us to wonder why so many so-called "marriage counselors" give such bad advice to people.  The recent marital problems involving the well-known actress, Sandra Bullock, have been plastered all over the news services over the past few days, but here is the headline from the NYDailyNews.com that got us riled – "Sandy still can save it! Sandra Bullock must fight to salvage marriage to Jesse James, experts say."  Oh, really??

First, it was Sandra's husband that cheated on her with a tattoo artist!  Why would the story highlight be what SHE has to do to save her marriage?  Good question, huh?

We love this quote from the article – "The ugly public revelations that husband Jesse James cheated on Bullock are painful but not fatal for the couple’s reeling relationship."  Again – oh, really??  Says who?

Well, it seems that psychologist Dr. Robin Newman and marriage counselor Dr. Flo Rosoff believe that Sandra can save her marriage to Jesse James.  We think they are both wrong and wrong-headed!  

We have learned many lessons over the 27 years that we have been conducting our research about successful marriage, but there is one lesson that stands out more than the others - a marriage rarely recovers from infidelity  - you can take that to the bank!  Yet, we continue to be amazed at the number of people who think they can cheat on their spouse and then expect to be forgiven.

And worse yet, try to imagine the pain and suffering a philandering spouse can have, not only on the one they are married to, but on their children, their parents and grandparents, and their friends.  Families get destroyed and relationships get squandered.  You see, a "cheating heart" as the song goes, "will tell on you."  

The ultimate betrayal of the one you say you love is almost always an unrecoverable act!   Writers, therapists, counselors, and psychologists who suggest otherwise are not only fooling themselves, they are misleading those they purport to represent.

Sandra Bullock may choose to try and save her marriage to Jesse James, but the likelihood of her succeeding is pretty close to zero.  Trust is at the very heart of a successful marriage.  Destroy the trust, destroy the marriage.  It really is that simple.

By Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz

**For [Link Removed]  .


Doctors, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.

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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Stacey Clark wrote Apr 7, 2010
    • Excellent blog!!!  I will add this to my list of quotes, “destroy the trust, destroy the marriage.”



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Apr 7, 2010
    • I agree with you 100%!!!! It is absolutely outrageous to think that the burden of saving the marriage is on Sandy! Why wouldn’t the burden have been on Jesse BEFORE he did what he did??? Grrrr......



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Frannie1964 wrote Apr 7, 2010
    • I agree with you Vikki!heart

      estatic



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Veggie wrote Apr 8, 2010
    • heart

      Trust is everything!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote Apr 8, 2010
    • Absolutely!..apparently Jesse thinks he can walk away from this with a clean slate because of a public apology...makes my blood boil! Sandra should move on and save her strength for a man that will cherish her.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jan Orga wrote Apr 8, 2010
    • My daughter is living through a similar scenario now, without the celebrity status. Her husband cheated on her while he was deployed in Iraq; he was in the Army and the woman was in the Air Force. My daughter learned of it almost immediately when he returned to the States via a text message on her husband’s phone. It’s a very hurtful betrayal and I wholeheartedly agree with the statement - “destroy the trust, destroy the marriage“. I’m very proud of my daughter for the way she handled herself and the attempt at rebuilding trust. Sadly it’s not to be and she just filed for divorce. Now the husband doesn’t understand why she won’t give him a “second chance“. Perhaps he should have thought of that before he pretended he wasn’t married. I believe she is doing the right thing by moving forward with her life; she WILL find someone who will cherish her!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      3sa wrote Apr 8, 2010
    • The ultimate betrayal of the one you say you love is almost always an unrecoverable act!  

      Yes because one can NEVER forget that your husband cheated on you, had sex with another women (god help another man).  There is no way unless you come down with Alzheimer’s.  

      Otherwise, there is no way you wake up one morning and say, I can’t remember, hey did you ever cheat on me?  It’s not likely.

      However, people can forgive and move on sometimes, but celebrities have a harder time...its everywhere around them, reminding them daily.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Terri Carroll wrote Apr 10, 2010
    • Here’s my take on it - cheaters are repeaters (I speak from experience)..I am now separated from my husband of 24 years after a 2nd infidelity (of his).  As we all know, you look back at certain aspects of your life in retrospect - truthfully, there should not have been a reconciliation the first time, we never really were happy after that.  While I feel bad for Sandra B, I can certainly sympathize (in one respect it makes me feel marginally better - “if it can happen to her“.....etc  I guess I’ll get to rebuilding my life soon enough, I’m still in the “licking my wounds” stage.



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