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Just seems like nothing ever works out for me...I don’t know why...and really I am getting to the end of my ropes with everything...I am tired...tired of it all...Sometimes I feel like just running away...away from everyone...to somewhere and never telling where I am...I know that is not the answer but that is how I feel.

My life is a lie...on the outside I make it look like all is fine and I am happy...but deep down inside I am not...I am hurting and miserable and wish it would all go away...I am a fake as I am good at pretending...I have been like that all my life.

I try so hard to do the right things...and I feel that I am doing all the right things.  I am not a bad person...I may have done some bad things in my life time but never to others...mostly to myself as I was very self-destructive at one time...I am a trustful person and would never harm or hurt anyone in any way...I am trying to believe that my day will come...but when?

I feel myself slowly slipping back to my depression days...not wanting to do anything...see anyone...or even the simplest tasks of looking after myself.

Steven didn’t last but 2 days at my mom’s...he is at home and nothing has changed...he and his aunt Miranda are forever fighting and cannot get along...I have been sick this past month with a bad sinus infection and now I have an infection in my lungs...I am weak and unable to walk most times...

Miranda started college recently and cannot help me at home...and I won’t ask her to help me with Steven because they don’t get a long...

So here I sit...wondering what to do...wondering where is my life going and will this ever end...will I ever get to be happy and enjoy life like I should be.

Sorry for the depressing blog...but I don’t have any other way of getting this off my chest...I am just sick and tired of being sick and tired.

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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Apr 12, 2010
    • Sorry you are going through all of this!!
      Just remember to BREATHE!!!
      heartheartheart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Apr 12, 2010
    • Oh honey I’m so sorry about this you seem to have a lot on your plate.
      First you need to get better as your health is the most important thing



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Maryann Rhodey wrote Apr 12, 2010
    • Karyn, I’m so sorry that you are feeling this way!  You have been so giving to others both here and at home.  Term is right, you need to get yourself well first and foremost.  Without your health you can’t focus on the other distractions going on.  

      Know that we are all here for you.  What you‘re feeling is not something to ignore.  I have been there and know what it feels like.  It’s overwhelming and every little thing adds more and more to the point that you feel like it’s best to just stay in bed.  

      Get out when you can.  Go for a walk even if it’s just to the mailbox.  Those small walks will eventually turn into longer and longer walks that will help you with thinking through what you need.  If you are already taking medication, let your physician know they are not working.  If you aren’t taking anything, do some research on what would be best for you.  Medication is not always the answer but have someone to talk with in the medical field, either a physician or a naturalistic doctor.  You can always PM me if you want to discuss anything further.  I’ve been there and would love to help you if you want.  

      Take care of yourself and get your lung infection cleared up.  You need to be able to get the oxygen to your brain to help you as well.  

      Sending good thoughts your way.  heart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dr2000 wrote Apr 12, 2010
    • Please, get better quickly! Steven and Miranda can and must get along, your lung infection can be treated, and must be cured.  After that, vitamins (vegetables, fruits) and you must feel good. But everithing happens only if you want to!
      Life is good and it’s a fairy-tale with you in center(you are a leading lady in this story).



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Apr 12, 2010
    • Get yourself to a doctor.  There is more going on than you think!  There are medical reasons that are making you so miserable and they can be treated.  You need to find out what they are.  Keep going till they find out. It is NOT in your head.  It is in your body.  Many thing manifest in the ways you describe, MS, Lupus, Fibromylgia, Cronic Fatigue Syndrome and there are a host of others.  Just because you are depressed does not mean that is what is wrong.  Please get help before you wear yourself completely out.  Your children will have to live with it.  They can “get along” for the sake of their Mom for a little while.  If not let, them experience the consquences. I hear Child Services is not a bad place.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Corine68 wrote Apr 12, 2010
    • I can help with the breathing, try OCHA Root.  It is the best thing on the planet!  It has anti-viral anti-inflammatory agents.  Research it.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kandykahne 5 wrote Apr 12, 2010
    • As hard as it may seem try and stay positive. Sorry you are going through all of this. Focus on you and getting healthy.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Hbrose wrote Apr 12, 2010
    • Karyn, are there any community resources that you can reach out to to at least help with Steven?  Maybe a church you might be acquainted with or here in the states we have a program called “Big Brothers and Sisters“, maybe the same or similar up your way?  They are good with helping to support the social needs of young people. An organization like that might be a great help to you and especially Steven. Then maybe you’ll get some relief to focus on your own health and self. Life can be difficult and you’ve had your share of difficult and challenge it sounds like, but try to stay strong and mindful of some of the good things in life. I’m sorry you‘re feeling so down, but glad you reached out here to get some  encouragement. Hope this helps in some little way.

      heartHugs to you...
      Rose  

      .



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Karyn Olson wrote Apr 12, 2010
    • Thanks for the words of encouragement...it really means a lot to me right now...I have had such an emotional day today but I think that it was all suppressed tears and emotions...I feel a bit better letting it all out...Thanks you so much for the positive feedback and suggestions...heartheart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Rose Nino wrote Apr 13, 2010
    • So happy to hear you are feeling much better Karyn. You truly are amazing and I love receiving your special notes. Please know how special you are and we love you here on Fab40! heartheartheart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lisa Brown wrote Apr 13, 2010
    • I am glad your feeling better too!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lisa Middlesworth wrote Apr 13, 2010
    • Karyn, I hear stories about people who just kind walk off the face of the earth. I never could understand it, but as I get older, I really do understand what can make people feel this way. It’s an escape that only few will ever know. Most of us know that we have too many people that love and depend on us, to just leave.
      I know some days are just too much to bear, but remember, all the tough times are preparing us for better times. We have to learn from it and carry the knowledge forward.
      When I feel this way, I call it the wilderness, it’s dark, cold and lonely. But I also know that when I get thru the wilderness, there is something amazing and wonderful waiting for me.
      I am so glad that you are feeling better. We all have days when we just feel like giving up. But, we pull up our old boot straps and do what we have to, to get thru it.
      I’ll be the first to tell you that therapy is an amazing resourse if you are willing to get thru it. It’s hard work, but it works.
      heart U



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Karyn Olson wrote Apr 13, 2010
    • heartheartheartheartheartheartheartheartheart to all you amazing women...and yes I am going to get counselling...I am just on the waiting list for one...

      I know I believe in God and love Him...but I think deep inside I lack the trust...that is why I tend to do it all on my own...but I am trying...heart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Miamor wrote Apr 13, 2010
    • Karyn, you have received a lot of great advice here, so heed all of it my friend including what I’ve emailed you. Chin up girlfriend. Blessings. heart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Victorious wrote Apr 13, 2010
    • Sorry you have been feeling this way. I have been down that road before.

      I was sick, did not know what was wrong with me. Lost my job when my second child was just 2 months old. He became ill and ended up in the hospital the same day. My husband and I lost our jobs 2 times at the sametime in one year.  

      Pray, pray .....when I could not find the words, all I could say was ‘Lord only you know

      Help came in the most unexpected way and I learned how to assist my body to heal it self. Thats how we were created. Thats why God spoke so much about what we should eat in the 1st book of the bible. In ‘Prov. 4’ it says we must embrace wisdom and with it get understanding.

      I do believe you need to get all the negitive things and people from around you. Pray and fill yourself with positive thoughts by listening and reading inspiritional things. Try to be still sometimes to hear when God is speaking to you. Things will turn around for you. He never fails us.heartheartheart



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