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Single and over 40.  For both men and women, the mere pronouncement raises eyebrows, questions and doubts.  True, this is the new millennium and attitudes, prejudices, levels of tolerance, etc., are much broader than they were even 20 years ago.  Still upon meeting someone over 40 who is single (still or again), it seems many first considerations range from "I wonder what's wrong with him/her" to "He/she is probably gay".  

Yet, the truth is that many of us are quite happy with our situations.  In fact, this may be the first time in our lives that our IQ and EQ (Emotional Quotient) are finally jiving.  We've spent many days and nights in painful relationships.  Getting through those times has helped us to begin to understand who we really are, what we really want and most importantly, we are understanding that we can be happy, yes – we will be okay!

This is our time! Our time to enjoy those things in life that we weren't able to do before, explore the possibilities that are out there waiting for us to find them and enjoy new relationships.  What we want now is different from what we wanted before.  We should look forward to this new journey!  Enjoy the process; forget about the end result for just a while.  Stop and breathe.  Stop and smile.  Stop and realize how much is just waiting for us to reach out and grab.   Do something that you would have never done before.  There's adventure to be found, fun to be had, new relationships to forge and love to be given and received.  

My personal goal is to really evolve as a woman – reinvent myself.  I've learned to take care of myself and grow in ways that I wouldn't have if I were still married.  Life is harder but better.  I enjoy the independence, not having to worry about someone else's schedule and not always having to put aside my desires for someone else.  I hate to cook and one of the greatest pleasures of singledom for me is being able to eat a bowl of cereal if I don't feel like making dinner - or eating off of paper plates because I just don't feel like loading the dishwasher - or deciding at the last minute I want to go out of town.  I for one, plan on enjoying singledom while it lasts.

With that said, I know one day I'd like to take the plunge again.  I'd like to use all of this knowledge to my advantage.  I mean, what's the point of becoming so enlightened if we can't try it out on someone else?   Besides, I'm such an evolved creature it could only be perfect, right...???  

Does this post ring true for you or do you have another outlook all together?  I'd really like to hear your stories, thoughts, musings and opinions!

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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Deanna Moon wrote Jul 6, 2009
    • Wow, Bravo wise woman!!  I concur..I am happily single also, but the difference is I am living with the same boyfriend,(not engaged or planning to tie the knot), for 21 years..and what keeps us together is having time apart with our friends and enjoying our own interests also. We don’t have to be together and do things together all the time. I think what happens to married people sometimes is they get bored, always living for the other person, and neglecting their own spiritual growth..If everyone lives like they are single we would all be much happier as we grow individually and together too.  If we value ourselves and our feelings and interests, we can value each other in a slightly different light, a more respectful light..as we come to realize the other person in our life doesn’t necessarily have to revolve around our ego’s.  I’m all for self reflection, realization of lifelong hopes and dreams, and personal reflection and triumph..Hooray for us single ladies!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Missm wrote Jul 6, 2009
    • Thank you, Deanna!  You sound like you have it all together! Congratulations!  Many women never get passed the failed relationship.  I’m glad to see you are single and just fine!
      Miss M.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anne E wrote Jul 6, 2009
    • You are gorgeous.  When the right time and the right man meet you’ll find your special someone.  I like that you are happy being single too.  As for me, when my daughter leaves for college in 4 years I feel like I’ll really need either more friends or a significant other to help get me through my empty nest syndrome.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kmarie wrote Jul 7, 2009
    • I am single and loving it. I enjoy my busy hetic life. Between my business, organizations, church, dogs, friends, I have a wonderful tife. I have been dating the same guy for the last eight years and life is good



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Missm wrote Jul 7, 2009
    • To Catfan - You‘re right, watching your child fly from the nest is hard.  I cried the entire first year my daughter left for college.  (The second year, she cried!) My advice to you is to start growing your circle of friends, hobbies and interests now.  Also, the year before my daughter left, she and I volunteered in the community together.  We were able to learn things about each other that we hadn’t before as well as create some great memories.  All the best to you!  It will hurt, but it does get better!

      To Kmarie - It sounds like our lives are very much the same!  My work relationships, family and church have helped me through the transition from married to single.  I think that for women our age, these outside relationships are key to our mental and emotional growth - and when you grow spiritually as well, you are at peace.  

      Thank you for your comments!  This is my first post on Fabulously 40 and I appreciate your taking the time to read it!



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