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It’s so hard for me to type this but I can’t go on pretending that everything is okay.. Because it’s not..
As most of you know I’ve been with my hubby for 13 1/2 yrs a wonderful, caring, loving man. A man that has taught me how to love again, how to be a strong individual and to be able to stand up for myself and for that I will always be thankful..
Well here lately things haven’t been good between us and it’s been like that for quite sometime now and this isn’t the first time that we have gone thru this and I was hoping that this would pass but as time went by nothing has changed..
So one day I told him that we need to talk, so he came home from work we talked about everything but most of all we told each other exactly how we felt for one another.. We love each other but we‘re NOT in love with one another and there is nothing to hold on too so we both agreed that we go our seperate ways.. We both agree that in time we have changed and it’s not like it use to be, we did try time and time again and we can honestly say that we REALLY did try but after so many times we just decided there’s no need to go on pretending..
I will always love him and I know he will always loves me and he was there for me and the boys.. If we‘re not there mentally or physically then why go on like this. We‘re both okay with this and there is no hard feelings towards one another.. We’ve been talking like 2 adults and that is how it should be, he asked if I wanted to keep the house that I could and he would go and have his name remove and I could keep whatever I wanted in the house.. We‘re still paying on the house and since I’m not working I won’t be able to pay the mortgage..I still haven’t decided what to do.. I told Sam(hubby) that we should make it official after his sister’s wedding which is August 14th. I didn’t want our problems to mess up her big day, he agreed but I want to make sure it was okay with his sister and she said she still wanted me in the wedding..
I decided to tell the boys because there was no need to hide it from them any longer, so yesterday me and the boys went to go eat and I told them everything.. My young men were okay with it... I think?? They thought everything was fine and they didn’t have no clue that it wasn’t..They told me to do what is best for me and all they want is for me to be happy and no matter what they will be supportive of my decision, they just want to make sure that I’ll be okay..
Even though Sammy isn’t the boys biological father I know he will be there for them. I hated to put the guys thru this..again.. I told them that it’s going to be hard at first but we’ll be okay..
This time around it doesn’t hurt as before.. I’m not crying like I use too.. Is that weird? Should I be crying? Should it hurt? because it’s not.. Why is that?
I have questions but no answers.. We’ll be okay, I’ve started over before and I or should I say (WE) can do it again..
Thank you all for letting me get this off my chest and taking time to read this..  

(((HUGZ)))

Marie




Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Jun 21, 2010
    • God Bless you Marie, you‘re not the first nor will you be the last to go through something like this even though it is never easy leaving someone you’ve share all your love and devotion with it will get better day by day. I’m glad the boys seem to be ok with this and that they heard it from you their mom, be strong and look to the hills from whence cometh your help (The Lord) he is near, seperations, divorce, is never ever easy I too have been down that road myself and I tell you weeping may endure for a night and those nights can be long but joy does come. Take time to cry as well as heal, its ok. But make sure you take care of YOU! I’m here for you my friend if ever you need a shoulder to cry on.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Karyn Olson wrote Jun 21, 2010
    • Thanks for sharing Marie...so sorry things are like this...the good thing about this is it is a mutual decision...that you both sat down and talked over your feelings and come to a solution...that is a lot better than staying in the marriage when you both are not really happy...It will be hard...nothing is ever easy but you are a strong woman and in time it will get better...happy



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Jun 21, 2010
    • Marie, I commend you for opening communication with your husband and your kids like this. When we ignore issues and let them fester it’s usually a very different outcome. I’ll keep you in my prayers that starting over is a positive experience for your family and the transition is seamless.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Victorious wrote Jun 21, 2010
    • My heart goes out to you Marie. You will make itheartheartheart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anne E wrote Jun 21, 2010
    • Marie, my prayers and thoughts are with you as you embark on this difficult journey.  You will make it heart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Frannie1964 wrote Jun 21, 2010
    • your a strong woman and I know you will get thru this. You have family and Friends who will stand by you and be here for you. You can PM me anytime you want to talk.

      Love yaheart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marlene McCray wrote Jun 21, 2010
    • Its a difficult situation.  My thoughts are with you and know reassuringly it will get better for you.

      Marlene
      [Link Removed]


      Mmccray, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mzd3 wrote Jun 21, 2010
    • We all want whats best for you heart We are all here for you, always...



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Jun 21, 2010
    • Marie, I’m so sorry you‘re going thru this.  Hugs.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Wookiemom09 wrote Jun 21, 2010
    • More hugs and prayers.  Sounds you see what is before you and you will find peace.  Tears will come and go and you will find happiness again.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Jun 21, 2010
    • I sent you a PM...anyway, if you need to get away, you are more than welcome to come visit {{{HUGS}}}



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marie66 wrote Jun 21, 2010
    • Ladies.. You do not know what it means to know that I have wonderful, great, loving friends.. I know that I have to move forward and I won’t be alone in this and with God taking each and every step with us and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.. The boys are doing good and standing strong.. It does hurt when I see them because I feel that I have fail, but they don’t want me to think that way and they don’t want me in a relationship where there is no love.. They want me to be happy.

      THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR THOUGHTS, LOVE AND PRAYERS..  

      Ruby.. Thank you! I might just take you up on your invitation.. Your so sweet estatic  

      (((HUGZ)))



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Suzann wrote Jun 21, 2010
    • Marie, the open-ness and honesty that you and Sam shared, and then the talk you had with your boys - you did it all so graciously and honestly. My heart goes out to you and the boys. I can see so much respect between you and Sam and so much love and respect between you and your awesome sons. I wish you didn’t have to go through this, but you’ll get through it with the grace and beauty that is you.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Jun 22, 2010
    • GM I am so sorry you are going thru this. I admire your strength and mature attitude. I am sending you hug,s love and prayers!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Angelcart wrote Jun 22, 2010
    • Marie I was so sad to read this.  I sure wish when I went through my divorce it would have been as amicable as you and Sam.  I wish I had some comforting words for you but I’ve never really been good at that.  Sounds like Sam will still be there for you and the boy’s which is really admirable.  I wish you the best and that it’s not too tough on you moving on.  But, your heart is telling you what’s best for you.  That’s wonderful that your boy’s are so thoughtful and loving to you over this.  Again, I wish you all the best.heart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marie66 wrote Jun 22, 2010
    • Suzann, Vikki, Angel.. Thank you ladies for you kind words.. We’ve had our differences before and argue like kids and I felt there was no need for that anymore because in the long run what are we going to get out of it.. NOTHING! Just words that we‘re going to regret later on..
      I want to end this as friends and remember the good times we had and cherish.. I will always care for him, dearly.. I have to be strong for myself and for the boys.. I know that as each day goes by it get a little bit better..  

      Thank you all again for all your wonderful kind words. It means alot to me to have the support I have from each and every one of you heartheartheartheartheart

      (((HUGZ)))



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Jun 22, 2010
    • Anytime, mi casa es su casaheart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marie66 wrote Jun 23, 2010
    • Term Thank you.. There was no need for us to go on like this.. I know we will always love each other but no we‘re NOT in love and we both know that and we‘re dealing with it one day at a time.. And I know that me and Sam will end of as friends in the long run, he was a big part of mine and the boys lives and I think he will continue to do so..

      Ruby, your so sweet, don’t be surprised if you hear a knock at your door and find me standing there estatic heart

      (((HUGZ)))



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      MaryAnne Carrier-Harrison wrote Jun 23, 2010
    • Hugz, You are in my prayers, you have an amazing friend in your Husband and I am sure things will be great between you honesty is the best policy.

      Take care and be strong!heart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Jun 23, 2010
    • Gilda- I’m sorry your going through this but you know we are all here for you and be strong heart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Jun 23, 2010
    • Many hugs for you!! heart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marie66 wrote Jun 23, 2010
    • Mary Thank you for your prayers.. Sammy will always be my best friend and I will never forget what we had..

      Vicki.. Thank you and for everybody’s support it means a lot that I have such wonderful friends and are here for me and my boys..

      Thank You Mz. Tracy for the hugs heart heart

      (((HUGZ)))



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Max0125 wrote Jun 23, 2010
    • Marie,

      I am so sorry that you are going through this. I am divorced and it has made me a stronger person. Please don’t feel guilty, on many levels your relationship remains a success since it evolved back into friendship. You are also teaching your sons a very valuable lesson to always follow your heart.

      Take time to rediscover yourself and do things that will nourish you. You have all of my support.

      Mary



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Hms1111 wrote Jun 24, 2010
    • It sounds like you have really thought this out and are handling it with grace. I commend you for that. I wish I could be so graceful, but in my case there is too much pain for me to be at the same place you are.
      Two days ago it was my 41st birthday, and I’ve really come to hate my birthday with good reason. Every year on my “special” day, something goes wrong - big time things not little things, that go awry. This year was not exception. On my birthday, I found out some woman in my children’s school had been bad-mouthing me, calling me fat and basically talking behind my back. Which wasn’t really the worst of it, but it just added insult to injury, when I found out that same day that my husband of 10 years had been seeking out an affair online and had spent the last 2 years speaking to his ex who did not want us to get married in the first place, and I’ve never gotten along with her. She too had made comments about me to my husband, although he went right along with it, never even thinking to defend me. Maybe I am old-fashioned, but I believe a spouse should defend the honor of of their partner at all times. Not my husband, he would defend total strangers before speaking up for me! Well, we haven’t spoken, I plan to separate (not just over this but more so over the 10 years of this) and I am miserable.
      I wish I had the emotional stability that you clearly have.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jan Orga wrote Jun 24, 2010
    • So sorry you are going through this. Sending love, hugs and prayers.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mz. Queen wrote Jun 24, 2010
    • Dear Marie,

      Strength is yours. I will pray for peace for you and your family to continue to envelop as it has already begun.heart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Jun 24, 2010
    • Hi Marie,

      I’m another one not crying and devastated over a divorce. At the start I thought it was going well and he understood why I hired an attorney, but it turned out he wasn’t Ok
      I was going along with the divorce. (He initiated it, no discussion.) This is while he went from girlfriend #1 to the 2nd one and I’m not dating. I thought we would be friendly.  

      I hope you and your to be ex can maintain a friendly after divorce relationship, and wish you all the best.  

      Cathie



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Jun 24, 2010
    • Marie, I can relate.  How you feel is legitimately alright.  You need not feel hurt, you need not feel sad just because we thought divorce should make us miserable.  I sometimes feel guilty of why not I feel that way in this second divorce I am encountering.  I thought I SHOULD feel sad of breaking up a 10 years marital relationship.  I found out, when I was true to myself, I actually have left go a long time ago emotionally.  I hanged on for the longest but emotionally I detached in order to be insane.  In my case, I still love my TBX (to be ex) but my love to him has turned to a difficult level.

      All my blessings and loving thoughts.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Michelle05 wrote Jun 24, 2010
    • I totally understand how you feel!  I have been going back and forth in my mind - do I stay or do I go?  I’m not happy and haven’t been for a long time.  But my husband and I have a 3 year old together, among our own children from previous marriages, so I feel like I need to stay for my son.

      I don’t know how old your boys are, but it sounds like they are handling it very well.  I commend you for being a strong woman and NOT being afraid to go it on your own!  Another reason I may be staying is because I’m unemployed at the moment -  that kinda makes it hard to support myself and 2 kids.

      Good luck and well wishes for you in the new life you begin!
      Michelle



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote Jun 29, 2010
    • Marie..This has to be difficult for you both right now, but you and Sam approached this in such a calm and endearing way, it brings tears to my eyes..many hugs and lots of love to you and the boys as you embark on a new chapter in your lives, and the questions that you have now will be replaced with the answers you find as you move forward..love you, my friend!heart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linni wrote Jun 29, 2010
    • sorry you are going through this..

      praying for you
      heartheart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Fabulousvalerie01 wrote Jun 30, 2010
    • I am sorry you are going through this but at least you are at peace with the decision.  Women have strength that we can not imagine.  Glad the boys are fine with it.  It is good that you and sam will still have a good relationship. You will be just fine.  Women will do what they have to do to make it happen for them and there family.  Keep being strong.  I will be praying for you.  Sending hugshappy



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Jun 30, 2010
    • Oh Fabulousvalerie, I could hug you! ;oD  

      We women do have strength we don’t imagine having until it comes down to time to use it.

      Hugs to Marie and all,
      Cathie



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