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I remarried 5 years ago when my son was 8.  He is now 14.  He did not adjust well.  He was an only child with no chores or responsibilites (part of reason for divorce - parenting difference).  When I got married he got a brother and a sister.  He was also intergated into the chores - Equally.  It has been a nightmare.  My husband and he do not get along at all....(there is a lot of water under this bridge - turbulent water) and they neither one care to fix it.  I try to fix it and can’t.  Just need to vent.  anyone else out there like this.



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      3sa wrote Jan 26, 2009
    • mybabygato: OMG I would be so gone.  Life is too short to be so very unhappy with no end in site.  If you and your husband can not come to an agreement about his son and work on the issue together ..then it’s not a marriage anyway.  

      mthacker2004: I’ve been in your situation, and it does suck.  I couldn’t solve the problem.  My ex-husband did not try very hard, he just wanted to control my son and teenagers do not care for that too much.  But the marriage had bigger issues that ended the marriage.  My son gets along fine with my sweetie now, he respect him and they get along fine.  My son lives with his father however but my daughter and my sweetie gets along great also.  So alot of it had to do with the MAN, the adult.  But the child needs to RESPECT that MAN no matter what, if he likes him or not.  That’s all I could teach my son when I was having the same problem.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jean Walter wrote Jan 26, 2009
    • Being a step-parent is probably one of the hardest things anyone can endure. Knowing where your place is, knowing what to say without stepping on anyone’s toes, knowing when to step back, conflict, confusion, resentment...oh the list of emotions and feelings are unending with what we go through..
      Speaking from my own experience, my step-children were ALWAYS very respectful to me... I guess because I always let them come to me... I never pushed them in to anything, or tried to be their “mommy“... I just let them form what kind of relationship they wanted with me and I accepted it...Children are always caught in the middle of divorce, no matter how much we try to avoid it... they just are...
      They blame themselves, they don’t understand, they are broken inside and they can’t fix it!
      My son had a huge problem with my husband. He was only 6 when his father and I divorced... it was like his whole world crumbled around him. My once happy, loving little boy began to withdraw. His resentment for my husband grew... He blamed him for everything, refused to get close for fear of disrespecting his “father“... He caused more problems and issues than I care to remember... I was always caught in the middle...trying to protect my son’s feelings but trying to be supportive to my husband’s role as the “man of the house” and demand respect...
      This almost never works.. when you are so demanding of respect from the other..it just seems to me that it back fires and makes the other person respect you less!
      I know everyone’s situation is different and I wish I had all the answers, but just know that as long as you remain in an unhealthy atmosphere it is most likely going to tear you apart inside..if you don’t get some kind of help or make some changes.
      My son is 18 now and I have been married for 11 years and holding on... we still go through issues that we will never agree to, when it comes to my son, especially now that he is in college and who should be paying what... it goes on and on...
      Please find some comfort in knowing that you are not alone...and to try and have some kind of compassion for your step children as hard as it is... they are just kids and with the added burden of dealing with emotional behavior, which is in it self stressful (my youngest has ADHD)... you need to be strong and educate yourself by reading what is available out there...getting therapy is another tool... just venting frustrations here on FAB 40 can be a tremendous relief.
      I know what your are going through... I know the heartache you are feeling.. Hang in there and Be Strong!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mthacker2004 wrote Jan 26, 2009
    • Thanks for all the input.  I’m a people pleaser and that makes it really hard because I want everyone to be happy and to get along and try as hard as I do to please everyone and it just doesn’t happen.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jean Walter wrote Jan 26, 2009
    • Me too ~ mthacker!!

      I think back to how I handled things and I did do everything to keep the peace... as hard as it was.. I kept a lot of feelings inside.
      I hate confrontations and conflict...especially being caught in the middle of my kids and husband!
      I still am that way today, although I have learned to speak my mind a little better now...which in turn causes the conflict that I have tried to avoid..
      It is a vicious cycle and a Merry Go Round that I am tired of!
      The one thing though... is that the kids do eventually grow up and go on with their own lives... now I wish I would have been more supportive of my sons feelings and stood up for him more instead of taking sides with my husband. He is a grown man and should have known better and my son was the one reaching out to me and I feel as though I let him down.
      Even now, 11 years later, they are not close and I don’t think they ever will be... sad but true...it is very hurtful and I struggle with this every day!
      I have even lost respect for my husband and how he has handled things and it has put a wedge between us too.
      I wish I knew what more to say except that I know what you are going through.
      I will pray for you and please know we are here if you need to talk!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Mar 14, 2009
    • Integrated family is hard.  My husband and my son (his step son) did not get along when my son was between the age of 11-16.  They are now much better.  It is hard, again I say and we are here to support.



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