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Morning Ladies ,

I’m working on the profile of mine and the husband’s marriage for my attorney, and Wow...  it’s got me wondering why I had settled for so little from him. And it’s looking like a huge blessing he wanted a divorce to release me back into being myself.  

The shock of how minimized I’d become trying to be a “good wife” is like a slap upside the head for a reality check. I sincerely believed I’d stood up for myself all these years and in retrospect, that’s not true. I have so much going for me, and there is so much I’ve done on my own initiative since being married and I see it all now. I’m so proud of me!  

I have dreams of the future that my life will evolve back into the “me” that I have always been in my heart and spirit, and that wasn’t eradicated by marriage. Counting blessings and trusting myself again without shadows of someone who didn’t love me enough for a lifetime with me, or value me in his heart.  

I hope my blog is helpful with inspiring confidence and sense of self for anyone who may be in the same boat with me at this time.  

Live well, dream big and be brave!  

Cathie

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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Betspussl wrote Dec 27, 2009
    • IM IN YOUR BOAT,AND I HAVE SAID OFTEN THAT I FEEL I HAVE LOST MY AUTHENTIC SELF AND I JUST WANT TO BE ME AGAIN.I LOOK BACK TOO AND REALIZE I WAS NOT VALUED IN HIS HEART.I HAVE SPENT 11 YEARS TRYING TO FIX SOMETHING THAT WAS DOOMED FROM THE START.MY MARRIAGE DID NOT HAVE A SOLID FOUNDATION TO GROW ON FROM THE BEGINNING AND I JUST DIDNT SEE IT THEN.I KNOW I NEED TO VALUE ME AND TRUST MYSELF.YOUR BLOG IS HELPFUL.THANKS



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Dec 27, 2009
    • Hi Betsy,

      Grab a oar, we’ll paddle ourselves into a better place together. ;o))  

      I’m not going to beat on you for believing in marriage and love with it not working out. I’m proud of you for giving it your all though it has come to this end. Definitely value and trust yourself!  

      Please brag to me about how wonderful you are.  

      Hugs,
      Cathie



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Dec 27, 2009
    • Oh, Cathy, my heart sank for you when you said that your husband wanted a divorce. I felt the hurt through your written words. What a difference a couple of weeks makes! I hear the hope, I hear that you are able to breathe and you‘re finding your voice again. My prayer for you is that 2010 brings you not only a fresh perspective but allows you to thrive!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Dec 27, 2009
    • Hi Cynthia,

      Yeah, what a difference a few weeks makes! And a good divorce attorney too! LOL  And I tell you, this coming at Christmas time was good timing for me because of my beliefs. In my heart, that nothing stops the magic of Christmas and I don’t want to miss it. ;oD  

      2010 feels full of promise and I thank you for your prayers.  

      Hugs,
      Cathie



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Dec 27, 2009
    • Divorce is never easy, been there a few too many times, but I am back to working on myself and that is a great feeling! You will be alright and there are plenty of us here to always lend an ear and offer support.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Venus 7000 wrote Dec 27, 2009
    • I am loving your positive attitude.  Divorce can be difficult, but often times it is liberating.  Wishing you all the best in your life ahead.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Dec 28, 2009
    • Cathie I am so happy that you are looking forwards in a positive way. Thank you for sharing this as there are those that need to hear some inspiration and positivity!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Dec 30, 2009
    • Thank you all, Ladies, I appreciate your caring support. ;oD  

      I’m definitely feeling liberated. Geez, it’s so nice not to be groused at every day and doing what I want when I want to. I talked to my attorney yesterday to appraise her of the tax returns not handed over to me yet, that I was getting copies from H & R Block. She’s got a virus... cold or flu.... she couldn’t tell which, so I’m telling her about herbs to take. LOL  

      I’ll share with you ladies as well. A tincture of Lemon Balm (also called Melissa or Sweet Melissa in some parts of the country) is anti-viral and gives relief from colds & flu. Also great for cold sores.  ;o)  

      Cheers! Let’s all have a beautiful 2010!  

      Cathie



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mz. Queen wrote Dec 30, 2009
    • Hey Girlfriend,

      I’m in the boat too and we are sailing along, single, mighty and strong. The wind in our sails the sun on the horizon, plenty of new days ahead.

      Baseema,

      Donna



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Dec 30, 2009
    • Hiya Donna,  

      And we have a very nice boat!   Let's name it, Hope. What do you think
      of that name?  

      Yesterday after going to H & R Block for copies of the tax returns, I went shopping for
      new snow boots at Payless Shoes, since I was out that way. I’m jazzed! There was this young married woman buying a pair of pumps for dinner out with her husband to cele-
      brate their anniversary and we had fun discussing choices of shoes for their big night
      out. That was Sweet! Of course I didn’t tell her I’m getting a divorce, why piss on their
      big special celebration?  

      Big Hugs,
      Cathie



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mz. Queen wrote Dec 30, 2009
    • That’s what it’s about knowing when to share, when to keep and celebrating someone else’s joy. and Hope sounds like a great name for our boat.

      D47



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Owlmaria wrote Dec 30, 2009
    • Cathie, I was in your boat about 18 years ago. I had 2 young sons and I too found “how minimized I’d become trying to be a “good wife“! It was a long 12 years of being more than I ever thought I really was when I constantly was berated and put down, not good enough when my eyes were opened and I found out that it was the other way around. I took care of my sons while he was gone (military) and did so much without any credit.
      I am not a worthless person. I am pretty, smart, thin enough, strong enough to care for 2 infants- esp. one with Special needs- and all the other things he didn’t do while he was gone. I never believed in divorce and was scared b/c of my sons. But one straw broke the camels back and on our 12th Ann. we got a divorce! My family didn’t understand that I had tried to be the “good wife” but noone ever told him to be the “good husband“!
      God I just realized it is now 18 years later that I am a better woman from that divorce and after a 2 yr. wait I found the man my ex never was—even a father, NO—a daddy for my sons, both of them.
      I pray your journey sails you to heights you always dreamed of and times may get tough - for Betsy, Donna and anyone else going through this right now- the light is at the end of the tunnel and the ride will end as long as YOU are at the helm this time! Take the boat "HOPE" and enjoy the ride b/c the worse is behind you and you never know what tomorrow may bring.
      Sorry this is so long, brought back memories I thought I’d forgotten b/c of the wonderful man I now have in my life.
      I hated all men during and after my divorce but not all men are created equal!!!!! I found that out.
      My positive energy and thoughts of love and blessings and prayers are being sent to you (all of you) so you may have strength to make the journey. I suggest a good Cabernet Sauvienegne (SP) for your lawyer. Love, Maria



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Dec 30, 2009
    • Thank you, Maria, you are so sweet! And I so appreciate your support. I know, this has brought up bad memories for other friends of mine and it’s got them worried about me and the outcome. This is almost 2010 and things are different now with divorce laws &
      child support here in California. Not that we have children, thank goodness.  

      I was served with his divorce petition today and would you believe he doesn’t even know how long we’ve been married or my age? For real! Well this is just too humorous not to laugh out loud. LOL

      I’m going to pass on marrying again, this is my 2nd marriage and I waited 13 years bet-
      ween the two and this is it for me, I want Adventures now! ;o))  Nobody that lives with me!  

      I’m glad you found the love of your life, I still believe it happens and it’s awesone when it does.  

      Hugs,
      Cathie



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Dec 30, 2009
    • Ok, Donna, “Hope” it is for our very fine boat! ;o))  

      Hugs,
      Cathie



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