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I have done all that I can for her, LOVE her, provided for her, and tried to be her friend (in the past).  Today she runs out the house after telling my mother, her grandmother, that she hates me.

2 weeks ago I cleaned her room for her after warning her for a month.  This room was ankle deep in clothes and trash and I am not making this up.  My husband threaten to put us both out once she stopped showering regularly on top of the trashy living space she lived in that I allowed.

She does she a therapist.

I also had to give away two dogs away to another family 2 weeks ago because I couldn’t care for them properly by myself with trying to clean her room daily, and she wouldn’t help with the dogs even though they were her dogs too.  She noticed today!!! that they were not with us anymore...she didn’t even realize they were gone.  Since she was not talking to me I couldn’t even tell her about why they had to be given away, because they were being neglected by US.  For example, I came home 2 weeks ago late from work, the dogs were in the basement in the DARK in a crate without food...while she sat there eating dinner and then just walked to the room and slammed the door.  

What else could I do, I couldn’t allow them to be neglected like that and i couldn’t care for them alone...:(

She hates me now that on top of cleaning her room and cleaning it daily for HER, the dogs are gone.

Please be honest with me, am I wrong for cleaning her room (she could appear on Hoaders the TV show, it was that bad) and wrong for giving the dogs a better life?

I am so depressed and alone, and I too miss my dogs.




Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Nov 9, 2010
    • Wow...I have no insight into girls, I hear (and believe)that they are harder than boys. I have two teen boys sharing one bedroom....not a pretty sight, I keep the door closed...every so often when I can no longer stand it, I come in with trash bags, unplug all electronics and let them know it is time to clean. If they don’t move quick enough for me, I start “helping” they don’t like my help.  

      Have you tried grounding? Taking things from her?



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      3sa wrote Nov 9, 2010
    • She is 17 years old now. Before when I said you can’t go anywhere if your room isn’t clean, she just would never leave her room then....If I took her computer she was like whatever, and just stayed locked in her room.  I couldn’t take her being locked in there alone sooo i stopped.  Now I just clean her room for her daily because the mess is causing more than a problem in my marriage. He has put up with it for 3 years and says I must don’t respect his feelings on FLITH.  The rest of the house is spotless.  I have tried everything, except cleaning it myself.  So now I am and until she leaves the house at 18 as SHE KEEPS REMINDING ME that SHE CAN‘T WAIT.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Angelcart wrote Nov 9, 2010
    • Aww 3SA sorry your going through this.  I too don’t know about raising girls (I have one son) but I can tell you that my hubby’s daughter is SO LAZY about cleaning.  We keep her door shut too.

      I’m so sorry about the dogs.  I know it’s painful but I think deep down you know that it was best for the dogs even though you miss them.  I wish I had some enouraging words for you but I don’t.  I’ll just pray she grow’s out of it soon and realizes shat a terrific mother she has.heart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Angelcart wrote Nov 9, 2010
    • PS - we gave her dog away as well because she never fed him, walked him or anything.  We had two other dogs to care for and guess what?  She had no problem getting rid of him!  I took comfort knowing that Charlie went to a loving home that really wanted him.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Angell Villafañe wrote Nov 9, 2010
    • I do not think you were wrong for cleaning her room. It is your house and you expect your house to be clean. My son is 18 and every opportunity I get when he isn’t home I hop in there and get to cleaning because he is a slob and I can’t deal with the mess either. You mentioned that she is seeing a therapist. Perhaps this is a result of something she is going through? My son is seeing a therapist as well. He has depression issues and is pretty much anti-social. None of us see him much when he is at home...he keeps to himself and stays in his room. He takes meds and seems pretty content but I do worry about what will happen when he is finished with college and has to be on his own. I know I don’t do him any favors by cleaning his room for him but I also know if I don’t do it then it causes other problems within my household. Have you talked with her therapist about what is going on with her at home? It sounds like it could be something more serious than the typical teenager being messy. I feel your pain...it’s not an easy thing to deal with. Hang in there and talk with her therapist to see if you can get to the root of what is really going on with her.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Nov 9, 2010
    • Teresa, I wish I had some words of comfort and hope for you. My husband’s daughter, 29, lived with us for 1 1/2 years. She kept the cottage in absolute squallor. Joe regularly cleaned in there. She gave her daughter to her mother to raise, thank goodness. But we tried everything; nothing worked.

      It’s important for her to continue with the therapist. I’d also keep in touch with her teachers at school to see if they notice any change in her behavior. How are her grades? And, from experience with my husband’s daughter, when she turns 18 - let her go! Let her see what it’s like to live on her own. He and his ex wife should have done that. It only prolonged her dependence on her parents which also caused her to be resentful and not in the least grateful as one might hope.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      3sa wrote Nov 9, 2010
    • @Angelcart thanks so much for telling me about the dog situation u had and sharing.

      @Angell Law, thanks for sharing and yes I know what the root is and so does her therapist.  She won’t take meds so I took them from her so she wouldn’t save them up and have a bunch, I might be paranoid, but safe.  It’s so conforting in a sad way to know other people like you ladies have been through or going through similiar situations.  I really miss being on FAB40, I think I’m coming home....:0



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Nov 9, 2010
    • PS - while she’s still a minor you have some say so in her life but one of the things we’ve had a hard time with is my stepdaughter’s age. When we try to intervene and get help for her we‘re told we can’t do anything because she’s an adult.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      3sa wrote Nov 9, 2010
    • Hello!chocolatier good to see you!

      She gets great grades and people at school know a different girl. She smiles and laughs and jokes.  At home she walks around hating me.  

      She will leave at 18 and she never lets me forget it.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Hbrose wrote Nov 9, 2010
    • The teenage years can be tough, can’t they?!  Sorry to hear your daughter is going through this terrible phase (hopefully its just that).  On the one hand, its a blessing that she’s doing well in school and not blowing her education.  But I’m sad to hear that she is so disrespectful towards you, and therefore, herself as well. You say she’s seeing a therapist?  Is it family counseling?  Might that help maybe—to be in it together?  ..I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      3sa wrote Nov 9, 2010
    • Thanks Rose, I haven’t tried family counseling. she doesn’t want me in there with her.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Nov 9, 2010
    • @3sa good to see you ....
      Sorry your going through this but maybe she will grow out of it ...... also does she have any form of responsibilities as in is there a timetable so when she gets in at night from school she has chores like lay the table or dust and hoover the front room or finish the supper off that way she is out of her room where she festers and she is busy but you also have some form of reference of what she is up to ...... I would try family therapy and hey as she is under your roof tell her to suck it up a bit ....your in charge



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