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**What should I do if I know the guy my daughter is dating is NOT the guy for her?



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Fabulousfefe wrote Sep 27, 2008
    • Sit still for now, any sudden moves and you might push them closer together.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Amy L. Harden wrote Sep 27, 2008
    • What ever you do don’t let her know this...if he is truly not the guy for her then let the guy hang himself.  Go nuts over the guy...or just be neutral....but never, NEVER, tell her that you don’t like him.

      Kelly Ripa tells the story of how she gets her daughter Lola to wear the clothes she wants her to wear.  She picks the one’s she likes off the rack and says: “Oh, yuck, I hate this one!“...then goes to hang it back up...Lola always has her put it in amongst the ones she has chosen.  Kelly then again tells her how awful it is when she tries it on, while being sort of neither here nor there on her choices.  Lola always ends up coming home with exactly the clothes that Ms Ripa has secretly wanted her to...she has used reverse psychology on her...

      ....for some reason this works for boyfriends too.  I have four daughters...it has worked every time for me.

      My girls are extremely stubborn and never listen to what I have to say...just like their Dad. Dad hates any male that even breaths in his daughters air space.  He is known around the high school as Sargent Scary amongst the boys. I have stories tell about how he got that nickname...but not now...for later.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Paula Parker wrote Sep 27, 2008
    • They’ve been together for a year and they argue constantly.  She’s involved in church and doesn’t drink, smoke, etc. and he doesn’t go to church and she’s on his case all the time about drinking.  I’ve been down that rode and her dad was just like him and I can see right thru him but she can’t.  She’s already caught him cheating back in Feb. and went back to him 2 months later.  It kills me to see her dating some guy who doesn’t even deserve her.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Amy L. Harden wrote Sep 27, 2008
    • Cheating!  Okay...now that isn’t funny!  Nope, ya got to say something about this...if he has cheated, he will cheat again, if he hasn’t already.  Cheating is a deal breaker!  I have always told my girls that if a boy cheats that is it...he has lost all creditability and the privilege of taking out one of jewels.  When these sorts of things happen, your tune has to change....no reverse psychology.  If she will allow this now when dating, she will allow it when she is married.  Teenage boys who cheat are not ready for a girlfriend...she needs to end this relationship before she gets really hurt.

      All you can do is talk to her about it...she needs to work it out herself and walk away.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Paula Parker wrote Sep 27, 2008
    • Thanks for the advice.  This last time they got back together I have kept my mouth shut and I have even taken up for him sometimes to make her think what’s going on my in my head.  I know she doesn’t trust him but she’ll have to learn the hard way.  My mom keeps making remarks to her that she doesn’t like him and I have told her to be quiet and let Jessica find out who he really is and if he’ll have his own mother lie to Jessica about his whereabouts and she wants to be involved in that kind of relationship then hopefully she’ll learn before it’s too late.  My parents did not approve of their dad so I married him anyway and like they said we ended up divorcing after 16 yrs. of a rollercoaster ride marriage.  

      My daughter is also very stubborn and NEVER listens to me either.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Paula Parker wrote Sep 27, 2008
    • I totally agree with you and I have told her that she is dating someone just like her dad and I can say that b/c her dad doesn’t have anything to with her or her sister.  She refuses to take my advice so I am practicing tough love even though sometimes I would like to take her and shake the sense into her head.  She always wants him to come over every night and to myself I am thinking she only wants to keep tabs on him. When he’s not here she’s constantly calling him wanting to know where he is or who he’s with.  drives me crazy



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Amy L. Harden wrote Sep 28, 2008
    • Let everyone around tell her what they think of him...encourage her friends to let her know how they feel about him...especially if they agree with you about this guy.  If everyone else is saying the same thing and if you just give that motherly...“did hear what they just said to you” look...like all us mothers can do...you won’t have to say anything more.

      With my oldest daughter who was dating this one guy...a BIG LOSER...the first thing out of my husband’s mouth every time she called was:  “Did ya break up with ....?“, or when he hugged her and sent her off to school, “Have a good day, break up with ....!“, or “I love you...break up......“. It became the family joke, everyone joined in but me.  I just put my “See!!“, motherly look on my face. One day after a year of this treatment...she finally called and said:  “Good news...I broke up with ...!”  The whole family did the happy dance of joy!  This guy neglected her one too many times and the fact that he was cheating on her got back to her again...all of her friends and ones that weren’t were telling her what he was doing behind her back.  She is going to be 21 in February 2009, somewhere between 19 and 20 she realized what kind of life she really wants to have...a trip to NYC, Mexico and Chicago to interview for internships showed her that she wouldn’t even get close to the type of life she really wanted, as long as she was dating this loser...and then he cheated on her one last time...she kicked him to the curb! That was six months ago...  

      Don’t worry your daughter will do the same...it comes with maturity...and getting out on their own and seeing what they need to do to reach their goals and dreams...if the boy friend doesn’t fit in...she’ll dump him.  

      Have you ever read that book....“He’s Just Not In to You.” or something like that...an excellent book for all teenage girls to read.  Both my 20 and 17 year old have read it...it helped.

      Stay strong...make sure she knows that she is your jewel in your crown...and no one...and I mean, no one is allowed to steal, borrow or hurt your jewel...and this means the cheating, loser boy.  Encourage her not to work so hard at trying to keep him...he needs to earn her attention, not the other way around. I saw her picture here I believe...this girl needs not to worry...I am sure she is as beautiful on the inside as on the outside.  There must be tons of good boys who would love to date her.



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