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Dr. Phil says "the goal is to get her through the rest of high school and college, and to a place where she is mature enough to then decide if she wants to add to her family. 'The chance that that’s going to happen without birth control is, in my opinion, zero,' he says. 'The question is not if you put her on it, the question is when you put her on it,' he continues. “I just think that’s a risk you can’t take. I don’t like the message it sends. But I think the consequences of being wrong are too great to ignore.'"

If your teenager is sexually active then it is your number one job to make sure that she is aware of the consequences and responsible for her actions. You can't control where she is at all times of the day or night, but you can provide her with the support that she needs to get through life, and so she can learn more about being responsible.

I’m taking my daughter to the doctor tomorrow to have her first pap and pelvic exam.  I am recommending my doctor give her a depo shot for birth control.  Do you think I am being responsible like Dr. Phil says above or do you think I am just saying GO HAVE SEX!

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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Bluerose wrote Mar 10, 2009
    • Girl ... you are doing the right thing as a mother.  I applaud you & very much support you on this.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      3sa wrote Mar 10, 2009
    • Thank you so much....it’s very difficult.  Now if I can stop looking at her and imaging her having sex ...and then getting very sick at the stomach and having to go to sleep to escape.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Angelcart wrote Mar 10, 2009
    • I definitely think your doing the right thing.  My husbands daughter was put on the pill by her mother at the age of 16.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Mar 10, 2009
    • I will even buy her a box of condom with a note “I am not encouraging.  I hope these will never be used.  However, I love you so much that I rather you be safe than sorry.  With all my love, from your thoughtful and loving mother. xoxoxo”



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Mar 10, 2009
    • 3sa, girl you ARE doing the right thing to protect your daughter from unwanted and unprepared pregnancies, do what you‘re suppose to do for the support of your daughter and her future.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Wittymom wrote Mar 10, 2009
    • No you are not telling her to go have sex, you already have told her that she should NOT have. You are trying to keep her from doing something (more) stupid.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Mar 10, 2009
    • 3sa: more thoughts came into my mind.  This is a great time that you can set up a girl to girl, mother to daughter, friend to friend talk with your daughter.  If I recall, you are single mom, right?  So you can tell her how sometimes you are horny tongue outestatic but yet you respect your own body and you do not just SEX it.  Share your thoughts, your experiences.. I cannot think of any better time than this to pour your heart out - You are a good coach!  You are a good mother!  You are the best true friend she can ever have!  Be proud!  Be humble!  Speak to her at her level!  Much prayers and cheers!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Deb Darby wrote Mar 10, 2009
    • Sorry, I can’t agree with you. I have 2 daughters - 20 and 27. I became sexually active myself when I was barely 16. My mother made sure I knew about birth control, but also how she felt about me becoming pregnant. Depo is really hard on your body, and it doesn’t prevent STD’s. I disagree with Dr. Phil that your #1 job is to get your daughter through High School and college. Legally, you need to get her to 18 by providing food and shelter for her. Many teenagers work and buy their own clothes and extras. By the time kids are juniors in High School, we need to be open to them coming to us more as a counselor than dictating to them and making their decisions. They need to start practicing responsible behavior within our safety net...including making some mistakes. When they do, we can sympathize and make suggestions. Morally, you need to tell her what YOU expect as long as she’s living under your roof. If she chooses to become sexually active (maybe she won’t for a while?), I’m sure she can find out where and how to get BC on her own.
      In my opinion, it’s like assisted suicide... there are plenty of ways for a person to kill themselves without involving other people. Your heart is breaking enough struggling with this decision. How are you going to feel if her birth control fails, it does, you know...or if she gets herpes? BTW, neither of my daughters is married (oldest is engaged) and they are both sexually active. They take care of their own BC.
      I recommend Parenting Teenagers with Love and Logic Parenting Teens With Love & Logic: Preparing Adolescents for Responsible Adulthood by Foster W. Cline (Author), Jim Fay (Author)and...
      ...lots of prayer.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Deb Darby wrote Mar 10, 2009
    • Oh, and 3sa, believe me, I know it’s difficult. But would you rather have it be difficult NOW or so much more difficult later with the possibilities. No matter what happens, she’ll always know that you tried your best to teach and to give her the best and your conscience will also be clear. Any decisions she makes will be hers, and hers alone.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Angelcart wrote Mar 10, 2009
    • 3sa .... I'm not familiar with Depo.  However, I would still provide her with bc.  I was put on the pill at age 17 and it really helped with my heavy periods.  I'm sure your getting a lot of advice and opinions here.   Are you considering Depo because it's only 4 times a year vs the pill which is daily?  Maybe I'm "old fasioned" or it's what I grew up with.  But we only had the pill.  I had no side effects from the pill what so ever.  I would give thought to putting her on the pill.  That's just MY opinion though.  I do believe very much that you have your daughters best interest at heart and are doing the right thing by providing her with bc.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      3sa wrote Mar 10, 2009
    • Debj thanks for your advice!...I recently found out that she already had sex at least once (see my depressing weekend blog).  We had to moral talk and the sex can kill you know talk(stds, HIV, and Herpes).  She choose to do it behind my back anyway, and used a condom (thank God). However, I have a 25 year old daughter because the condom broke so that just isn’t enough.  I can’t live with myself if she brings a baby into this world at 15 years old, and I can’t afford to take care of a baby either.  The reality of the time is that children make stupid choices even after being coached on the right things to do.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kduncan wrote Mar 10, 2009
    • 3sa, I have a daughter that will start high school next year, and my husband and I have already discussed taking her to the dr. I am not sure she is ready for a pelvic exam though!...lol

       I think that there are too many unwanted pregnancys and it is our job to be smart, not to put our heads in the sand and say...Oh my child would never do that!....I say..Guess what sister..you baby is having funky sex too!! lol..sorry just had to make you laugh a little...but you are being a good mama!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      3sa wrote Mar 10, 2009
    • hahah Kduncan..

      Well the doctor said she doesn’t need a pelvic until she has had sex, so I never took her for that horrible experience, oh well serves her right, want to do grown up shit then deal with the stirups!!!!

      BTW Debj I was on Depo for 3 or 4 years did not have any issues much, but she is not organized or responsible enough to take a pill everyday the same time...she might even lose them...nope nada it’s depo.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Deb Darby wrote Mar 10, 2009
    • I’m so sorry you all have to go through this, and SO GLAD it’s over for me!! Still, I hope you all look at the book I recommended.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      3sa wrote Mar 10, 2009
    • I will check out that book btw.



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