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My 18, going to be 19 yr old seems to think that the roof over his head should just be provided for him and he needs contribute nothing. This is home, a flop house perhaps? A place where he can say or do whatever he wants & the moment I strile up a conversation pertaining to school or money, this kid cops an INSTANT attitude. The language that accompanies this is pretty eyebrow raising as well. I’m not interested in arguing. And I’m telling you right now, I will NOT be disrespected by ANYONE in my own home, whether it’s my own kid or anyone else. TOLERANCE: NEGATIVE ZERO. NOT HAVIN IT.
I generally remain calm with this sort of thing, but it’s handled immediately. He’s about to get the boot. This house will be respected and contributed to, OR he can feel free to go run his own home.
As for school, it seems everyone’s doing their part- but HIM. Tough love may be in order here. I haven’t decided yet.
GRRRRRRRR.



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Yana Berlin wrote Mar 15, 2009
    • Good for you!

      Tell your son about the 18/24 rule. You turn 18 you have 24 hours to get the heck out, or shape up and live by my rules.

      Be strong.

      Sending hugs.
      Y



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Mar 15, 2009
    • 18/24. So THAT’s what that is. I’ve heard the term before but never really knew what it meant. Thank you for the “good for you” too! I hate to boot him, but, he’s GOT to wake UP.
      Talking to him isn’t working unless of course it goes his way.
      I run this house. End o’ story.
      And you‘re right. Rules followed, or bye bye!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cindylouwho1966 wrote Mar 15, 2009
    • At least you know you are not going to take this treatment! A lot of parents would be throwing up their arms saying, what should we do?

      I read this stuff and say, TG no kiddies from this womb.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Mar 15, 2009
    • wow babygators! GOOD for you. I wasn’t sure if u’d booted them or what the situ was. You GO girl!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Mar 15, 2009
    • Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, seriously. Before you know it you’ll feel much better. Be really good to yourself during this time.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Mar 15, 2009
    • I have a stomach ache over this. I think I’m stepping off of this for a few hours & vegging & getting lost in a movie or something.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Mar 15, 2009
    • Jenz, good for you I totally agree with the 18/24 rule, I had to apply it with my youngest daughter who was thinking somewhat like your son, she thought because my hubby wasn’t her daddy- which the real one(cares less about her dumb butt then and now)that she could disrespect him and our home I put her butt out quicker than you could blink, Oh yeah I got all types of flack from family, and in the words of Bernie Mac: “Well you help me with her” she grew up quickly when she got out there in the real world and saw what it was like to have your own and pay your own way, today she has much RESPECT for me and my hubby and our relationship is great, sometimes it takes desperate measures to get good results, the best of luck to you and my prayers are with you and your family.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Fraz764 wrote Mar 15, 2009
    • Jenz I did it last year when she was 22. Your son sounds like my daughter when I told her bye bye!! We now have a wonderful relationship.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Doreen XoXo wrote Mar 15, 2009
    • I have a sensitivity to this.  Im sorry to say frown.  I dont think I could/would ever throw my kids out for any reason.  I know Im like a doormat soemtimes but it goes against my grain.  I was tossed out of the house at 19, engaged to married with the plans all set for 9 months later.  It’s a long story but I, in no way, deserved to be thrown out.  My words were misconstrued by my mom (she was having a real hard time with hormones, change of life).  I basically was sleeping on the couch with my husband totally innocently, me at his feet with my head on his hip.  She walked in from being out and demanded he leave immediately.  He had been sleeping at my house for 6 years at this point.  It just all got out of hand but I know the pain I felt.  How could she do that to me???  I was “the” good kid.  Excelled in school, graduated early, had one steady boyfriend and on the road to my own family.  I begged for forgiveness (although like I said before I did nothing wrong) just so she would love me (she always did but I thought differently).  Long and short of it was she asked me to move back home and I never did.  She is still to this day telling me how sorry she was for doing that to me.  

      So again, I personally couldnt but do understand why parents toss them out.  I never learned that tough love way to be which is probably why Ive been in therapy for 3 years.

      xoxo



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Mar 15, 2009
    • My husband’s 27 year old daughter, who has never been made to be accountable for anything in her life, is now living in my cottage with her 3 year old daughter. Things would have been so much easier with her if she’d been “encouraged” to be on her own with plenty of independence and accountability when she graduated from high school. Just food for thought.

      I wish you all the best in this. I know it’s a tough balance.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Mar 15, 2009
    • Thanks so much, ladies. I haven’t decided yet what I’m going to do. He’s been very quiet since this afternoon. I told him earlier, “When it comes down to it, Chris, legally you don’t get 30 days notice. This is my house. Keep it up & you may get 30 seconds.”
      So, he’ll either shape up, or, shape out. I’m glad he’s working too btw. If he weren’t, it’d be worse.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linni wrote Mar 15, 2009
    • Jenz, good for you! like Lulu bean said, alot of parents throw thier hands in the air, and basically just giving up, and giving in to them!

      i had to do it with my oldest when she was 18.. She graduated high school at the age of 17, so she was working and wouldn’t help with ANYTHING like chores.. when the subject came up, she would just say, ” well, i worked all day ”  

      so, i told her. you have a choice.. either help around here, and  NOT disrespect me, OR you can find somewhere else to live!  

      LOL.. she chose to move out, and go live with my sister.. NOT a good choice, but one SHE made!  

      Keep your stand my friend!
      we are all beside you on this!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cindylouwho1966 wrote Mar 15, 2009
    • Teeky did not play!! I admire the stories you tell about how you handled your kids, Teeky.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Mar 15, 2009
    • I had that issue awhile back for many years.  I do not know what had happened, my son (soon to be 18) has changed his attitudes, is more responsible and talk much softly to me.  In fact, over the dinner table tonight, my husband kept nailing me about the cat, my son was mad and started to protect his mommy.  My son has grown a lot.  Thank God.

      Jenz, I feel your pain and frustration.  We try to be best parent to teach them the right mannerism.  Just keep telling him - it will be his broken record in his mind for life.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Bluerose wrote Mar 15, 2009
    • Ooooo Jenz ... I don’t envy you your problem!  Tough love may be the right answer after reading these posts.  Personally I don’t have a clue.  All I can do is root for ya & pray!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Mar 15, 2009
    • Thank you very much, all of you. :)
      Hugs!!! I will keep you posted.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Oceangirl40 wrote Apr 7, 2009
    • Jenz I don’t know where things are with your son, but I know the feeling only I have it with a daughter the same age.  Our problems started this year in school (she is a senior) and from what our counselor said it is the age, she is between being a child and adult and they don’t know how to deal with it. I had been so close to her, she is our first child and she and I spent a lot of time alone so this if very difficult for me. She is so not like this so we are working at it. She will be leaving for college next fall and I will truly miss her. It does get better and we still have our moments.  I hope things are improving.

      I can’t entirely blame her, we have been through a lot as a family.  My husband was seriously injury in a auto accident in 2005 and has a traumatic brain injury along with other injuries so we have been through a lot and this also contributed to it.  My husband is permanently disabled and no longer works, so at times I feel like I am dealing with 3 children one 48, 18, and 14.Counseling has helped tremendously.

      I don’t know if this helped or not, but know I am thinking of you and hoping things are going better.



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