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Hi ladies.
As some of you know, I’m in a [wonderful] fairly new relationship that definitely has the potential to go all the way to the altar. Last night, he proceeded to have ‘the money conversation’ with me. We talked about our statuses w/ money and our ways and beliefs regarding what things need to be like financially.

This is also the very first time anyone has cared enough about me to even ask these things. I’m still integrating the conversation. It went very well but now I’m wondering, does this mean he’s that serious about me?
It looks that way, but I’ve dealt with ALOT of not so great things in the past and I’m wondering what your opinion on this is.

Hope your weekend is nice! happy
Insight please?

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Member Comments

    • +2 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Feb 26, 2011
    • hearthappyHey Jenz, I’m so happy for you this has been a long time coming for you i think most of us here has followed you through this journey waiting for love, the right kind of love and I feel you may have finally stepped into it, BUT don’t rush still. Keep it simple and allow him to see you as the person you are and you also see him for who and what he is the money issue is a big thing in any relationship and it is great you‘re both having this conversation now! But don’t allow it to cloud your thinking and judgment, continue on the path you’ve taken with him thus far being still cautious and honest with each other if its meant to be it will work itself out. Stay prayerful my dear friend.happyheart



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Feb 26, 2011
    • That is great advice, Neicy. Thank you. And, I agree! I’m in no rush and was quite surprised when he called to talk about that. I was in wedding edit mode at the time. After, I felt like I’d just taken a test, haha, and wondered if I had passed. Not to say HE made me feel that way. It was all me and my way of thinking example: survival mode or dysfunction and just being independent to the core. This was very new to me. I’m considering continuing that conversation with him later as he really does not know how much I’ve been IN survival mode or those details. Not that it’s been hidden from him, it hasnt. I just think he really doesn’t know what that might be like. We’ll discuss it. He’s easy to talk to.

      I’m in no rush. And either way, if it does get to the next serious level, I’d need to start over again in some ways anyway because it would involve relocating. YAY!

      Still integrating the whole thing and what better of a perfect place to discuss it than here with my sisters? happy Wisest women in the whole world.



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Feb 26, 2011
    • Jenz quoting you...
      and wondered if I had passed. Not to say HE made me feel that way. It was all me and my way of thinking example: survival mode or dysfunction and just being independent to the core.  

      Now don’t take this the wrong way, but some things he doesn’t need to know because some men will look at it as though you may be a little too independent and it scares them like it did and still does my hubby who struggled with this fact about me for a long time in the beginning of our courtship/marriage. He sees to this day that I can make it without him, but he also now understands that he has a smart and well rounded woman who has his back and can catch HIM! if he falls meaning i can pick up the slack if something happens to him. Just becareful in what you say to him and how you say it men are very territorial creatures and if they are made to feel as if they are not needed or if they feel there is no room for them to add to our lives as women they will run away fast.

      AND NEVER, NEVER MAKE EXCUSES FOR BEING WHO YOU ARE NO MATTER WHAT!!! BE AND DO YOU!



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Feb 26, 2011
    • Right!
      He needs not know every detail. I just wanted him to know in a way this was new to me, but haven’t found it absolutely necessary to divuldge that yet. I’ll be wise. Very, very wise. happy



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Feb 26, 2011
    • heartheartAMEN, my friend many blessings to you and your future.happy



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Feb 26, 2011
    • Thanks :D
      I find myself sort of floored at the moment about all of this. I almost have a headache. I realized that it is new to me to have someone even care like that and it’s real.
      I know I can give it back.
      I’m sort of feeling mixed feelings right now because it’s never really been anyone else’s business how or from where or what I do to support myself and family. I just did it. Alone.
      He’s talking about what things would be like when / if we combine our finances in the future. It’s almost foreign to me.
      I have alot of work to do here so I shouldnt even be in here right now but I cant stop thinking about this in a way plus it’s Saturday anyway so Ill do my own schedule the way I want to today. Soon. :D
      It’s so wierd... Im happy about this yet at the same time I feel like Im waiting to see if I ‘got the job’ or not.  

      The insecurities I do have re any of this have nothing to do with him. Its me b/c I dont feel I am at where I want to be financially. I dont know where to start to make it perfect. I guess it pretty much needs to be, doesnt it?



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Feb 26, 2011
    • Jen, let it take its course. Try not to over analyze it[ you are too much like me]. lol Go with the flow GF!!  

      Have fun with him, have fun for the first time and trust your feelings. You have been through some shit in the past and when talking to you this guy sounds like the real deal.

      Bottom line, HE will be the lucky one to have YOU in his life! heartheart



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Feb 26, 2011
    • BTW... I’m SOOOOOO happy for you!!! heartheart



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Feb 26, 2011
    • Jenz, I’d take some time off and just let the conversation perculate. Was there a “what if” segment if you couldn’t bring in the same income after marriage or if he couldn’t? If the subject coming up wowed you so you don’t remember where it ended up, just talk to him again. ;oD  

      Cathie



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Feb 26, 2011
    • Yes, the conversation definitely isn’t overwith.

      However we are still fairly new so, I was surprised it came up in the 1st place. We will continue.

      And Mzzzzzzz Tracy, THANKS!!!!!! estaticestaticestaticestaticestatic



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Feb 26, 2011
    • keep us posted!!! heartheartheart



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Feb 26, 2011
    • Totally will! estatic



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anne E wrote Feb 26, 2011
    • It’s so good to hear from you!  From my perspective, you’ve found a grounded and sensible guy!  He wants to know if you are financially compatible so that he doesn’t become too involved with someone who would be a disaster for him.  And you would not be a disaster because you’ve got your own business and would not be a “leech“.  Chances are he’s been involved in the past who dumped all her financial responsibilities onto him or became a spendthrift and he doesn’t want a repeat of that.  You had the conversation, you‘re still dating, you “passed“.  Having been married to someone who left his job and became a “professional student” for the duration of our marriage, I say it sounds promising!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Feb 26, 2011
    • Well the wonderful thing is that this man sees the potential of a long term relationship with you. And that he wants to get his ducks in a row. I would ask him about money and his last relationship. There may be some baggage to unload.

      Stay true to YOU! And continue to be your own woman,

      And Congratulations too heart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jewelrybyirina wrote Feb 26, 2011
    • Hi Jen,
      I am so Happy for you!!!!
      It was a huge step for both of you. He is definitely close to proposing! It reminds me something:) I’ll email you.
      Just take your time and enjoy a moment.
      Do not give him too many details...

      Hugs,heartheartheart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Feb 27, 2011
    • Homey I’m soo happy for you and so pleased for you heart

      Keep us posted and I know this has been a long time coming and I’m so pleased all the pieces in the jigsaw are dropping into place - enjoy - plus he is one lucky guy heart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Feb 27, 2011
    • Oh I just LOVE the conversations we have here and so appreciate everything that has been said! Thank you!
      I GASPED when you said propose!!

      Secretly, I DO have a lil deadline date regarding THAT in my mind. He has til Dec eighteenth if 2o11 to pop this girl a question. A man knows within a year if he wants to marry you or not. And NO moving in without a ring either. I’ve been there done that- I will NEVER portray a wife again without actually being one. I learned that lesson the hard way twice so there’ll be no more of that business. :} As Beyonce says, ‘If ya like it then ya shoulda put a ring on it.’ hehe

      He knows none of this by the way. He must do so all on his own for obvious reasons. So far, this man deffo gets an A+.

      Its so neat b/c we already knew each other as good friends for 3 yrs prior so it’s very comfortable. Would I say yes? You betcha! Hush on that for now though  haha
      We shall see what happens. I must say, it’d be nice to have all of that. I never have before. :}

      Your advice is really important and valuable to me. I will definitely keep you posted all along the way. heart



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