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I have had a friend for 28 yrs, shes not so much of a friend in recent years. But i guess after so many years if you were good enough friends, you will still remenber some good times and say they are your friend.
We raised our kids together, went through our men, and marragies together. Our oldest son are like 3 mos. apart and they were best friends also.
When they were 6 yrs old, my friend came to me crying and upset, She was drinking and couldnt stop. It seems this disease runs in their family. And i think if you dont have you really dont understand it.
I sit and watched her drink, and leave her husband and child to live in thease bars. She came home most nites at last call. Worse than that, when shes drinking she would have sex with almost anyone.
The changes in her were scary, she went from being this wonderful mom, much better at it than me. And she kept a spotless house, cooked gourmet meals. To someone who seemed to care only where the beer was, her house was a pig stye.
She no longer care for her son or her marrage. I think her self esstem was allways bad, her figure was heavy, and she hide it well but it bothered her. So when she was out and drinking, she got attention from men. They told her what she wanted to hear. But to her she was getting the attention she had craved all her life.
Her marrage finally feel apart but she wasnt happy with him anyhow. And she allready had hubby no.2 picked out, I didnt know it at the time, but when she met him, and with to his house the first time.
He had no food in his fridge it was full of beer. So im not sure she married him, maybe she married the fact the he was a drinker too.
So the two of them went their merry way, she had two daughters by him, and I think they both drank like fish when she wasnt pregnant. I stayed out of the picture alot because it wasnt my scene.
But i came around enough to stay in the kids lives, and we stayed friends, i watch her pull some horrible stunts and on occasion, I would try and talk to her. But i just wasnt cool enough. Her new friends drank with her.
Yrs later she finally went through AA, and she quit smoking even, She had met a man she truly loved and was doing great.
He was hubby four, but i was happy for her.
And then he left her, so shes now back to drinking again. and she moved away. Her kids are now, 27, 19, and 16. Thease three kids had almost no upbringing, She just let them do whatever. All of them have been in trouble with the law along with drugs and alcohol.
But instead of trying to get them fixed, she just dumped them as to much work. finally she decided she couldnt be a mother no more and left them with their dad.
The youngest of thease kids is now coming to my house, and im lost of what to do for her. I feel so bad for this kid, She is only 16 yrs old, for the most of her life her mom was drunk. She needs help and guidance, she needs her mom.
This kid is really messed up, Shes not in school no more. Shes talking to 30 yr old men on the net.
She has some bad emotional problems, bi polar i think and is no longer on medication, I beleive she also has learning disabilities. Her father isnt working, her brother and sister lay around the house smoking dope and not even trying.
Part of me doesnt want to get involved and part of me, knows this child loves me and is begging me for help. I am really mad at my friend for treating her child like this.
She literally came to my house this week, looking for toliet paper and shampoo.
Right now she is coming to me wanted to hang out at our house, she just needs some attention bad. And im lost on what to do. I can only hope that im able to do the right thing.




Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Veggie wrote Jun 1, 2010
    • Direct the girl & just be a distant friend to the mother.

      You may be the only sense this girl sees.  Direct her to take care of herself - take her meds, get back in school, maybe get into some teenage group from church or community center.

      If money is an issue, especially for her getting meds, I’m sure she can get some sort of help through the system - with or without parental help/approval.

      Many that have dysfunctional families learn to be manipulative.  Don’t let her get away with manipulating you.

      If she does and she probably will (she’s a kid), know it’s not personal.  It’s just what she has learned to do to survive.  But, you can teach her she doesn’t need to manipulate to get what she wants out of life - she just has to lift herself up out of what she has come to know.

      Even families that aren’t that screwed up, lots of kids go to friends’ mothers before their own.  She is reaching out to you.  Love her like your own & later as an adult, she will be there not only for herself & her kids but for some other lost kid that needs mothering.

      Pass it forward comes to mind.

      I will pray for her, her mother & the rest of the family.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dana Cappelletti wrote Jun 1, 2010
    • Tracy,  You are in a very difficult position.  I would try to find some support groups for her.  She is at a critical juncture in life where she will be making decisions that will affect her future.  Show her that her life can be everything she dreams of.  Get her involved in a church and a youth group.  Be there as much as you can.
      God will lead the way!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Max0125 wrote Jun 1, 2010
    • I agree with all of the wonderful advice above. You may want to go to a few alanon meetings for guidance and resources. I think that it is wonderful that you are trying to help this poor child.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tracy Lynn Brown wrote Jun 1, 2010
    • Thank you everyone for your comments and advice. it is a really bad situation, and i cant help the mother, but i may be able to help the girl.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Jun 3, 2010
    • You have been given great advice here..... stay distant from the mom but show love and consistency when possible to the young girl.



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