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The Luxury of Being a Mid-Life Stay-at-Home-Mom!

I recently was on a conference call with two women whom I met up with through a social network that will remain unnamed, but I will let you know this...it is a knowledge center for those of us who presume to be Boomers of Authority.

The details behind why we were on this call together is of no importance...all that I will say is that I learned that Stay-At-Home Moms are STILL looked down upon by some women who do NOT stay at home or have no children.  

Staying at home was a luxury...not a necessity...I was told!  That these two other women had to work!

A husband's ability to support the family on his one salary allowed the fortunate wife/mother to not seek out paid employment...but to pursue very expensive hobbies and causes.  

I was told that I had this luxury!!!  

Excuse me!  I fear that you presume too much!!

Now, before I go any further...I must explain one thing...this comment was made to me after I responded to the overall topic of the conference call.  The two women had come together in resonance over the fact that they were at a point in their life that they no longer wanted greatness or fame for themselves...climb the ladder of success, but rather help people and seek the betterment of man or woman...as long as they were helping mankind...they would be satisfied, fulfilled and complete.  In their Mid-life journey they had come to crossroads and believed that it was time for change.

I listened.

When my opportunity to speak came I told them that everything that I was doing on the Internet was for FREE.  Getting paid had not been my primary goal...in fact, I was very happy that recently I had been making small amounts of money.  In any case, I had been "called" to do what I have been doing at my forum, my blogs and at social networks.  I was writing because I love to write.  I was promoting others work because I was "called" to lift gifted and talented people up on the lamp stand to allow them to shine!  I was not necessarily a coach...I was a Shepherdess...a guide.  My journey had only recently brought me to place where I felt worthy to ask for payment for what I offered.  

If I got paid...I felt blessed...in fact, an e-mail of gratitude was worth more to me than any dollar payment.  The little that I have been making was a blessing too...but the goal was to help others from the beginning...fame and greatness...climbing a ladder of success was not my primary goal.

The silence was deafening.

I thought I had lost the connection, until one of the women said:

"Well, isn't that nice that your husband makes enough money for you to have the luxury to do that...but I have had to work to make ends meet, as I believe (name left out on purpose) has had to do also......"

The woman continued but I didn't hear one more word she said as I was in absolute shock...rewind to the beginning of this rant.

In my mind I thought:

LUXURY! Excuse me!  I fear that you presume too much!!

You don't know me or my family's history or the state of our bank account or circumstances.

You don't know what I gave up over 19 years ago to support my husband and his military career, what I endured through deployments, what I do NOW to support his second career, what I have done to keep my hand in the business that I love, what I do on a daily basis to make sure that my five children have a safe, secure environment to come home to...I am my children's 24/7/365 day advocate...AND...NO, we don't have luxury... Do you know how much it would cost to put five kids in Day care?!!! Or now with teenagers, what kind of trouble they can get into when Mom and Dad are at work (Let me tell you about the family who just got their son out drug rehab or the daughter that just popped pregnant because she and her boyfriend were hanging out at the house alone while Mommy was at work)

We are fortunate and blessed that God provides our daily bread...we struggle making ends meet...there is no excess living in my home.  My husband and I work hard...very, very hard, while also following the "call" that was given me five years ago.  So...no my dear uninformed friend...YOU assume too much about Stay-at-Home Moms and me!

Suddenly, I was pulled out of my angry thoughts, the connection was silent again...the air still uncomfortable...I quickly made a polite excuse to get off the line and hung up...I was so angry I could spit!  I hate confrontation and what would it get me by confronting this woman's attitude.

I was no longer "resonating" with these women...it was a sign!

This conversation has hung in my mind for weeks now, waking me in the middle of the night that finally I felt that it needed to be written about. So, to all the women out there that work and do not stay home...to those who work hard for the money...I am not ranting at you.  You GO, girl!

I'm ranting at those women working or not who have the attitude that we Stay-at-Home Mom's stay at home because our husband earns enough so that we can...that it is a luxury.

I am working very hard at what I do...but money is not the primary goal...helping people is the goal.  We sure could use some extra, I would be lying if I didn't say this...but luxury is not a word I would use for being a Stay-at-Home Mom...luxury to me would be a paycheck and being able to go and have my gifts and talents appreciated on a daily basis.  Instead...I follow the call...knowing that God will provide or the Universe is resonating with what I am doing...however you want to view it.  

This is a CyberHotFlash...it's a rant...it is over until the next one...so be aware!

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Member Comments

    • +2 votes vote up vote up

      Tamra wrote Jun 23, 2009
    • Thank you for sharing your thoughts.  Many of us feel the same.  

      I am also a stay-at-home mom.  I miss the workplace terribly, but could not live with myself if I put my own needs ahead of my children’s at this point in their lives.  My need for a career will be met once they are self-sufficient.  When I chose to have them, I made that commitment.  Frankly, it would be very fulfilling to leave them in someone else’s care and go to the office, but I made a commitment and will follow through on it.

      As for military families, I applaud your efforts.  The whole family serves the country when one of the parents is in the military.  It is a huge sacrifice that each and every American should appreciate.  So I say thank you with all my heart.



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    • +2 votes vote up vote up

      Trudy S wrote Jun 26, 2009
    • WOW!  This has the same kind of vitriol as the Democrat Vs. Republican kinds of debates.  

      No one is better than the other.  

      Both have their good and bad points.  

      We all should try to be a little more compassionate of the choices that we each have had to make in our lives and understand that if we all agreed on all topics we’d have a very ‘beige’ world to live in.

      Besides....women should stick together and help each other whether we agree with the choices the other made or not.  We are still in the minority in so many ways and need to support each other whether we we decided to stay at home with our children or go to work.  United, we stand.  Divided, we fall.



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    • +2 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Jun 28, 2009
    • Amy I will be honest and say that I always wondered what stay at home moms did. I wondered at my friends decisions to stay home and tend to the flock. I don’t believe I ever looked down on them I just didn’t understand their decision.
      I don’t think I would change the decision I made to work outside the home. I feel I taught my children some valuable lessons by what I was doing.
      Now here it is 27 yrs later and I willingly no longer work. I find I am able to keep busy AND fulfilled. I think that was always MY worry about staying home....staying busy and fulfilled! It has been trial and error but I am learning how to shift my energies previously used to work.
      Is it a luxury for me to be able to stay home....nope....there have been sacrifices. But I am HAPPY!



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