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Ok, it isn’t exactly a list of men. It is a list of the characteristics in my next Prince Charming. After two failed marriages, it is time to make a list. I never thought about what I wanted in a man before. I know a lot of women do, but I fell in love quicker than I could think. So, here is the list.

1. Educated: I have a bachelor’s degree and would like someone to have the same amount of education. I would like to discuss more topics than the weather, the football score or how was your day at the office?

2. Affectionate: I want a cuddler. Yes, manly men are great, but they can hug & kiss and hold hands in public too.

3. Appreciates the arts: I am an artist & musician by nature and love to go to galleries, the theater, movies, etc. Nothing worse than dragging a guy through a museum when they would rather be at a football game.

4. Likes the outdoors: I want someone to go hiking, biking, and traveling with me.

5. No addictions or abuse in his history: It’s amazing how when your in love how much you ignore. Or maybe that is just me. Not in recovery either. If he’s in recovery, then he has had an addiction in the past. Red flag!

6. Financially smart: I don’t want to have to worry about where the money went or because he brings home the paycheck then he can spend it anyway he wants. If that’s true, than I’ll take my paycheck and buy shoes instead of pay the mortgage. Let’s see how long that lasts.

7. No criminal record: Here in Wisconsin you can look up anyone in the court system database. It shows everything that went through the courts. There is also the sex offender listing. Look this stuff up. You’ll be glad you did.

8. Treats me like a lady: I work just as hard as any man, but I still want them to open doors for me. It’s about being treated with respect.

9. Doesn’t smoke: My last husband smoked. I let it go because he had other good qualities and smoked outside. Wrong. My health is very important and it showed that he didn’t think his health was important.

10. Taller than me: I know this one seems kind of sexist, but this is my list and I’m tired of being taller than the men in my life. Besides, I want to wear heels and not have to look down.

11. Likes cats: I love my kitty. If he doesn’t, he’s out the door.

12. Makes me laugh: My life is way too serious. I need someone to help me laugh again.

13. Body is in shape: This goes with no smoking. They should take care of themselves.

14. Loves me just for me: Loves me even when I’m grouchy, happy, sad, bad hair day, PMSing, wearing sweats with no makeup. This is the real me, love it or leave it.

After putting this together, I realized my husbands didn’t really follow this list very closely. When I’m ready to date again, I’m keeping this list in my purse. I may have to have it laminated. I suspect I may have to go through a lot of frogs to find my prince.



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Clark wrote Oct 18, 2008
    • I say have a checklist printed  up for each date.  Keep it in your purse....and check it off as the date progresses....or even over a period of time.  

      Oh yes...get that background check....and I say...at least date a year.  You can tell so much in that one year or longer.  I definitely wouldn’t rush into anything whether it be  your first possible marriage or your 3rd...whatever.  

      I personally would want one that has been sort of trained...LOL..but with no bad baggage.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lilibet wrote Oct 18, 2008
    • Exactly, a checkoff for each date. Date a year? What an idea! Too bad in my youth that didn’t cross my mind. LOL

      Already trained is good. At this age, I bet there aren’t too many that aren’t trained or don’t have kids. Just lose the bad baggage before you find me!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lilibet wrote Oct 18, 2008
    • Good point. Noone is perfect and I’m not saying he has to have everything on the list. But I have settled in the past, I have put up with lots of stuff that I didn’t like and it really hurt me in the end. Maybe it is a really tall order, but these are things I would really like. If I only find friends and stay single, ok that’s way it needs to be. I don’t have to find a husband to be happy.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Feathermaye wrote Oct 18, 2008
    • For the most part I agree with teeky and empower in that if your standards become too rigid you may never find ‘a fit‘.

      I think it’s okay if he’d rather be at a football game instead of the museum; if he’s gone so far as to attend the museum with you, then that’s a commitment! You then need to reciprocate by going to that football game with him. ;)

      And what about an ex-smoker? That would fulfill the non-smoker requirement, but would go against the ‘history of addiction‘. I, too, have a problem with men who have ‘self-control issues‘, but I don’t believe it to be an issue that can’t be overcome. Recovering smokers, food addicts and the like are not necessarily indifferent to their own health; they simply discovered later than others that it was something that mattered.

      I think overall you've got a good basis for wanting to be picky, and you should have standards for a potential partner. Just don't be so inflexible that you'll break rather than bend. Then you're left picking up the pieces alone!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lilibet wrote Oct 19, 2008
    • Thanks for all your comments. Wonderful advice. I’ve been known to be a little rigid. happy Ex-smokers would probably be fine. I was thinking more along the lines that my second husband was in recovery from alcohol addiction. I thought that was ok because he was in recovery. Unfortunately, he decided that it was ok to have a beer one day, he could handle it. Went downhill from there.

      empower you are very right. Open and flexible, but not desperate.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Clark wrote Oct 19, 2008
    • Lilibet...I understand the addition thing.  Fully.  Addition is a daily struggle for the one that has the addiction.  And if you are not willing to go down that road ..or just don’t want to...I completely understand it.  

      No one is perfect....so...just find the person that you know you can live with....has the same goals...same values.....likes to do some of the same things....etc.
      Don’t give up...you’ll find that person...when you least expect it.



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