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+4
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My Colorado born and bred husband took off last weekend for his annual guy camping trip. His friend had shown up to help with the last minute packing of dirt bikes, bows and arrows and the mandatory drums.

They couldn't wipe the grins off their faces.

Neither could I. They couldn't leave soon enough. This has been a major summer of transition. After having spent 25 years raising children, having 4 teenagers at once, I've enjoyed the "empty nest syndrome", AKA "time of my life" the past 2 years.

I've had space for me to do what me wants. I've been ecstatic and giddy and busier than ever in my career, which I love with a passion.

My business is called Challenging Transitions and as one new agey Boulderite warned me, I was inviting difficult situations into my life with a name like that.

Silly and superstitious is what I dismissively thought.

Then this summer happened. My husband's ex-wife had a risky surgery that resulted in life or death surgeries. Thankfully, she survived but is now spending potentially a year in the hospital to recuperate.

My husband and his ex-wife come with a 14-year-old daughter. A TEENAGER. This young girl, whose sixth digit on her right hand consists of an embedded cell phone, is a wonderful girl who has been ripped out of her home and away from her mother as she starts the tender and often painful process of high school.

She is of course living with us full time. My life has once again been filled with teenage music, the constant buzzing from the cell phone notifying my step-daughter she has a Text Message (this is like water torture to my ears), the need to shop and the loud proclamation that she hates her bangs and wants to kill herself.

I call first dibs on the noose.

I am so over the whole teenage phase: the late nights, the underage drinking tickets, the totaled cars.

Back to SEX...

I couldn’t wait for my husband and his friend to get the hell out of here. I wanted the house to myself!

My husband, who is younger and cuter than me, pulled me aside before he left.

Without going into the boring psychological blah blah blah's, if my husband suffers from anything, it's the occasional insecurity (mom leaving the family when he was young didn't help).  

My girlfriend and I had plans to head down to Denver Saturday night for a networking party. I was planning on putting on a sassy dress and high heels—something that is outlawed in natural funky Boulder.  

His eyes filled with worry and his voice trembling a little, "You know Mary, you're going to go down there all beautiful and hot, and meet all these great guys, and you know, it's just me..."

This guy is in la la land. Without giving away my age, I'm about to turn Fifty-Friggin Four. I know "they" say that the 50's are the new 30's. It's crap. I never needed colonoscopies and reading glasses in my 30's.

With a sweet smile, I put up my hand and interrupted him.

HELLO! EARTH TO YOU! THE LAST THING IN THE WORLD I WANT IN MY LIFE IS A RELATIONSHIP WITH YET ANOTHER PERSON, ESPECIALLY A MAN, ESPECIALLY IF IT WERE TO INVOLVE ANY KIND OF SEX. I'M PRICKLY, I'M HORMONAL, I'M CLAUSTROPHIC AND I'M DESPERATE TO JUST BE WITH ME."

Satisfied with my answer, he and his friend drove off for a weekend of male bonding (AKA dirty jokes, bad greasy food, bad manners).  

As I walked into my home ALONE, I thought of the importance of, although being married, still having my little secrets. I mean, it’s really not unfaithful to not tell my husband about The Rabbit (his only competition this past weekend).

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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Kelly-Williams, M.A. wrote Sep 4, 2008
    • I know.  I believe men have a deep fear of being left.  My husband so needs to get that I am so over needing a man in my life.  I love him and it’s great being married, but the idea of finding or needing a replacement...BORING!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Kelly-Williams, M.A. wrote Sep 4, 2008
    • Azdana,

      Glad you appreciate your point and that is that part of being a healthy woman is to get to the point that you know you can enjoy keeping your own company.

      It’s a very liberating feeling.  And good to be with someone out of desire and not need.

      Your grandmother sounds great.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Stephanie wrote Sep 4, 2008
    • oh no! I can’t imagine retiring from motherhood and then being thrown into the middle of a teens life again.. but you know the ins and outs from experience so should be a piece of cake (minus the noise and picking up you may have to deal with)

      I love what you told your husband, you tell him girl!

      Have a great weekend with your “self!” lol



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Kelly-Williams, M.A. wrote Sep 4, 2008
    • Stephanie,

      You are very astute, picking up the being thrown back into teenagedom thing.  You give me more credit than I deserve.
      I will only say that having 4 children in under 6 years, meaning 4 TEENAGERS in under 6 years, I’m done, stick me with a fork.

      Staying present, compassionate and loving with my step-daughter, who honestly is wonderful with me, is still challenging.  It’s a day by day thing.

      Thanks for understanding!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Yana Berlin wrote Sep 4, 2008
    • Mary, Mary, Mary....a nice girl from a good Catholic school....you manage to crack me up every time.

      At fifty freaking four you are full of good humor and steam and the thirty something should be envious, take away the colonoscopies, endoscopies and all the other good stuff.

      Enjoy your empty house and your rabbit.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Kelly-Williams, M.A. wrote Sep 4, 2008
    • Hold your horses Yana.  I’m 53 and don’t you forget it.

      Actually this all happened last weekend.  I was having so much fun being alone, I couldn’t be bothered with The Rabbit.  Too much work.

      Yes, guess I’m making up for lost time...



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Feathermaye wrote Sep 5, 2008
    • Funny stuff!

      I'm enjoying the empty nest syndrome as well, although  my husband and I have since taken on a job that we do together, so there's rarely any alone time unless we make time for it.

      Right now my husband’s biggest challenge is coming to terms with all the weight I’m losing. I don’t want to give the wrong idea about him, because he’s very supportive of my goals. But—and this is the doozy—here lately he’s throwing out priceless little gems like ‘you‘re gonna be all hot and young again, and I’ll still just be the dirty old man’ (he’s 12 years older than me).

      He knows in his heart that he’s the only one for me (there’s no way in hell I want to have to train another one), but I don’t mind stroking his ego every now and then and proving it.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Perl wrote Sep 5, 2008
    • forget all those inane master card commercials!!! hotwomen’s say here is priceless! you fabulous 40+ ladies are an inspiration and a load a wooh-hahs i say. you‘re all like my girlfriends in kahoots in cyberspace. thanks for sharing.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Ladybrett wrote Sep 5, 2008
    • OH YOU WOMEN!
      I adore you all.
      Thank you thank you.
      I got to get me a rabbit.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Doreend wrote Sep 5, 2008
    • ok ok.....the first rabbit I was like hmmm interesting ...this last one looks like it can keep me happy, make julian fries and do the dishes! Omg.... I love this line...keep going girls!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Kelly-Williams, M.A. wrote Sep 5, 2008
    • I love the camaraderie of women!  The understanding about the teen thing is so welcome.

      The understanding of the need to be alone comforting.

      That new and latest greatest Rabbitt...a real ego killer for the hubbie.  STAY AWAY unless your single.  After you’ve had the Rabbitt, you can’t go back.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Queenbee wrote Sep 6, 2008
    • {giggle....snort}.  I thought I was the only one that snuck the rabbit out when my husband left town.  I love the man dearly, but having the house to myself is its own fantasy.  Add the rabbitt on occassion....what more could a girl want!!
      Round two on the teens?  God bless and good luck.  You‘re a better woman than I am!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Butterscotch wrote Sep 7, 2008
    • oh my friggin God! Right on the money and right on time...the prickly and hormonal deal hit me where it hurts but the rabbit made it all better! As a mother of six, three of them adults and three still at home starting the whole process over again would drive me to the nut house. My prayers are definitely with you!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Kelly-Williams, M.A. wrote Sep 9, 2008
    • Queenbee and Butterscotch,

      I love you both!  You get it.  You really really get it.  The whole starting all over with the teenager thing.  

      Well meaning people say, well this will just be the best thing for everybody.

      I have stories, good material.  I can’t even use it cuz you know the backlash...

      The rabbitt regins!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Robinesque wrote Sep 12, 2008
    • That was hilarious!!  I don’t think I’m brave enough for the rabbit!  No.  I KNOOOOW I’m not!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Sheila Reid wrote Sep 25, 2008
    • All I have time to say right now is HEEEEEEE.  I can’t wait to comment.  Kids need a bath!LOL



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Sheila Reid wrote Sep 25, 2008
    • Wait I wanted to say I love this site!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Kelly-Williams, M.A. wrote Sep 25, 2008
    • Sheilar...good to hear from you and glad you got a tickle.  Keep those kids clean...I look forward to hearing from you again.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Queenbee wrote Sep 25, 2008
    • A tickle? Is that a hidden reference to the Rabbit??
      I swear....I crack myself up!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Sheila Reid wrote Sep 25, 2008
    • queenbee, you are cracking me up too.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Wendy Smith wrote Oct 12, 2009
    • LOL this thread cracked me up!! My hubby (very new hubby of just over 2 weeks) has alot of the same worries. but I think he knows that in the back of his mind that I love him dearly and he has nothing to fear..  

      You guys are great!! tee hee hee rabbit  

      Wen



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linda James-Laville wrote Mar 22, 2010
    • Ah, the Rabbit, saw that at Babeland when we did some filming there, how is that working for you anyway?  LOL!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Kelly-Williams, M.A. wrote Mar 22, 2010
    • Linda, to be totally honest, I was actually just kidding about The Rabbit (although I’m not adverse to the use of sex toys!)...I’ve got Mr. Mountain Man and for now, that is plenty for me :)  But if I were single, I’d purchase a Rabbit in a heart beat.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Sandra G wrote Sep 13, 2010
    • ..tongue out..ok..I need a rabbit..seriously, I think that will make this whole process easier and (cough) more enjoyable...LMAO..where can I get one??

      Bless your heart teenagers again...I just finally got rid of the kids only to have a 1 and 2 yr old come to live with me....I didnt even consider the teen years..OMG...yes..maybe  whole damn farm,,,



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