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Here's the thing.  When I embarked on this search back on Godfry's birthday and decided I was going to identify for myself what came next, the meaning of life, what I wanted to do next in my next career, etc., I didn't think it would be this hard.  People along the way have told me how brave I am.  I appreciate that, but ultimately I don't feel brave.  I now feel silly.

My mentor Bruno said early on "just start applying for jobs" saying I should put myself "out there" and see which employer responded.  I danced around his suggestion giving him reasons why I didn't want to.

"I'm taking time off," and "I want the right job," and "I want to do what I want to do" were all real reasons back then.  Now, I just want a job.  I'm tired of looking and not finding answers.  I'm tired of not working.  I miss not working.

But, and here's a dose of honesty I don't enjoy admitting to, I think the jobs I'm applying for, the searches I'm conducting–I don't think they will pan out.  And, I believe I understand the reasons why I'm not going to get these jobs, too.  I'm putting out the wrong vibe.

Call me crazy, but I believe employers can sense this vibe.  Here's the thing.  I don't want just any job.  I want the right job.  None of the jobs I'm applying for now are the right ones.  I'm bored and I want something to do, and I swear, I believe employers can smell this desperation.  They surely pick up on this vibe.  The problem is, I don't know what the "right job" is, so I've gone back to applying for jobs that are like the ones I used to do.  I'm back to going for what I know how to do.  I'm settling, I know.  I'm going about this the wrong way.  I know that, too.  Maybe I just want to prove Bruno wrong.

"See, I am applying for jobs and no one wants me."

Proving Bruno wrong gives me what?  A sense of moral superiority?  What have I accomplished in this?  He gets no joy out of being wrong and I surely get no joy in being right.

What is the right vibe to put out?  That I will take anything?  How is that not being desperate?  And, if I'm convinced employers can sense that, then why do I bother applying?  So then, I'm right back where I started.  I'm putting out the wrong vibe, but I don't know what the right vibe is.

This is harder than I thought.  For once, I don't know what to do next.  I'm flat out of ideas.


Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Jan 18, 2009
    • Sit back and relax! You put yourself out there and now you wait a bit. The right job is out there you just may not be ready for it. Give it time.

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jacquie6363 wrote Jan 18, 2009
    • I have to ditto, Tori, exactly what is the RIGHT job?  Is there such a thing?  If it is honest and I am bringing home the bacon, then it is the right job.  

      Trained interviewers can definitely weed out the serious minded vs those who are just going through the motions and that’s probably the reason why they have been no call backs, as Tori said (in other words), you have to think and step outside the box.  Next month I would be working 12 years in a field that is not my first choice, but I remembered when I cried out for a job and He answered.  It still would not be my first choice, but I was grateful, I accepted.  Everyday is a challenge, as I have to deal with people from all different walks of life with different opinions, attitudes, etc.  

      Just grab that bull by the horn and step out there and get that job and make it the RIGHT job for as long as you have to.

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linni wrote Jan 18, 2009
    • i agree with Tori and Jacquie! step out of your comfort zone, and GO FOR IT! yes, its frightening to go into an area that you have never been, however the rewards are MUCH GREATER!

      we are here to lift you up and supprot you!


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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Stellababette wrote Jan 20, 2009
    • Ah.  I have an update.  Clearly the I-don’t-want-this-job vibe didn’t get sent out since I got a job offer.

      But I digress.....

      I appreciate what you wrote.  I’m grateful.  Thank you for caring enough to write back with your thoughts.  I mean it.  I really appreciate it.

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