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Then: Getting Boned

Now: Getting Boniva

Not that I don't still partake in the THEN part of this column, it's just that "doing it" is not something I think about daily.  Not like I used to.  I used to worry if my boyfriend and I were having enough sex or if we were having too much!  Had we fallen into a routine?  How could we change it up, add some spice?  I bought into the whole "Kama Sutra" thing.  Lotions, potions, and pretzel positions.  And I had this mental calendar thing, keeping track of when, where, how and sometimes why!

As the years passed, "getting boned" passed quietly from a "have-to-have-it" thing into a pleasurably "making love" event when the kids were asleep and has since evolved into "cuddling with benefits."  

These days, when referring to bones I'm usually talking about buying a steak - with or without one.  Or picking the chicken bones out of the soup.  Or hoping that my elderly father isn't choking on one.  

And just the other day the word took on yet another dimension when I joined the Boniva club.  With Sally Field as a member, I guess it's not all that bad.  But “Bad To The Bones” has certainly taken on a whole new meaning.  

It appears that my bones are quite literally, well - bad.

Boniva is supposed to prevent me from getting Osteoporosis, which means "porous bones."  For the past year, I've been taking my calcium, on and off.  I guess I'm now paying for the off days.  

After my exam, the doctor gave me a sample box.  From the size of it, I was certain it contained at least six pills.  Six months!  How nice of him.  But no.  After opening up the box and pulling out tons of paperwork, I then found a square of plastic that had been folded into thirds.  And there inside all the wrapping (impossible to open, by the way) was one lonely pill, sitting like a princess.  No wonder prescriptions cost so much!

The next morning I took it.  I followed the directions.  Take with water.  Do not eat or drink anything.  Sit or stand for the next hour.  Definitely, no lying down.  

I won't know the results until my next check-up.  So check with me next year and I'll let you know the results.

In the meantime, I'll take my pills, like a good Baby Boomer should.  

And make no bones about it... I won't be "getting boned" during that one hour that Boniva is running through my veins.  

Unless we try Kama Sutra position number...hmmm...let me see...



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tinaf wrote Feb 8, 2009
    • Janie, this is one of your sharpest and funniest blogs yet!  You‘re quickly turning into my favorite blogger, someone who tells it like it is about subjects that really matter!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Justjer wrote Feb 8, 2009
    • Ahhh...more memories...and more to anticipate...Thanks for the reminder.  I could use a check up too. Right now, I’m getting neither the Then or the Now. Maybe I’ll be getting both in the Future...I don’t want to bet on which it will be, so I’ll just stay open and see what transpires. Thanks for another great blog, Janie.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lindao wrote Feb 8, 2009
    • What a cute and risqué post, Janie!  And thanks for the reminder—it’s time for me to go take some calcium. —LindaO



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Sandyde wrote Feb 8, 2009
    • Great blog as usual, Janie.  

      My tired old bones are in desperate need of some calcium and probably some Boniva too estatic

      Sandy



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Pamaloon wrote Feb 9, 2009
    • Janie - you seriously crack me up. Which with my bones, is easy. hahaha.
      I’m betting everyone who reads this is scurrying over to the calcium pills, and not even thinking about ‘the other‘. :)
      Great post!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Janie Emaus wrote Feb 9, 2009
    • Tina - Thanks for you great comment.

      Justjer - Let me know which you get first!

      Linda - Yes, don’t forget that calcium

      Sandy  -  You, too.  Make sure it’s combined with Vitamin D

      Pam -  LOL!  You are funny, too.

      Janie



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Yana Berlin wrote Feb 10, 2009
    • Girlfriend....you crack me up every time you post, but this one, I had to put everything on hold and call my mother to read this out loud, then I called my best friend and we had a good laugh, followed by “let’s make an appointment” kind of thing...



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marianne Ruane wrote Feb 13, 2009
    • Hi Janie, I enjoyed this and the other postings from your blog. I love the then, now format. My mom has osteoporosis - she was 5‘4” and is 5‘1” now - and only 62!! I hear so many controversial things about whether taking calcium really helps or not... at any rate, better to do prevention now, before the disease takes hold. A lot of places do free osteoporosis screenings - I had one done at Costco 2 years ago.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Janie Emaus wrote Feb 13, 2009
    • Yana - Thanks for you comment.  I’m glad I could put a smile on  your face.

      Unstuck - I didn’t know that Costco offered that service.  Thanks for your kind words.

      Have a great day!

      Janie



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Sylvia wrote Feb 14, 2009
    • What a great blog!!   I love it.  Yes, I too take something
      for my old bones. I guess it works because the last time I
      fell down I did not break anything. Who ever would have
      thought that our own bones could be our downfall. Just
      yesterday I was licking a chicken bone when I wondered what
      my bones look like. I didn’t choke on the bone but I got
      to wondering what my bones look like. (I hope not a chicken
      bone). Keep them coming. They really make my day.
      Sylvia



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Diane Klapper wrote Mar 20, 2009
    • Hi Janie,

       I back at least for tonight I want to be here to support you



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Diane Klapper wrote Mar 31, 2009
    • YADA YADA YADA,  CALL ME WHEN YOU MAKE AN APPOINTMENT.  ONE WHO CARES



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