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Then: Raging Hormones

Now: Hormone Replacement Therapy

Okay...so I'm a teenager walking the halls of my high school, on my way to second period.  Only my second period class in in the next building over.  I'm going to be late because no way can I get there in the next three minutes.  So why am I in the wrong building? Because Jimmy has a class here and in two seconds he's going to pass by me and enter his room.  And maybe - just maybe - look at me.    And that look will carry me through the day, even justify a tardy.  Was I crazy?  Sort of - in that "raging" hormone way.

I'm waiting in front of the school, making my mom wait for me, so that I can watch Jimmy leave the school grounds.  And maybe - just maybe - he'll look at me.  And that look with carry me through the evening.  Mom will probably get mad because I'm such a slow-poke.  But who cares?  Was I crazy?  Sort of - in that " raging" hormone way.

I'm making a phone call (pre caller ID days) and hanging up after Jimmy says hello.  This time I hope he doesn't know it's me.  But I recognize his voice.  And it's enough to send me into sweet dreams.   Was I crazy?  

Yes, in the way that teenagers (both sexes) behave.  In that - gotta have you...need to see you...want to kiss you...hormones take over and won't let go...kind of way.

Fortunately, I never did anything crazy enough to be committed.  All I did was drive myself insane (for hours) replaying my actions.  What did I do?  How could I have been so dumb?  Well, tomorrow he'll notice me.  

Today I am way past those teenage years.  Do I still act crazy?  Sort of  - in that  "out –of- balance" hormone way.

Because now I'm at the other end of the spectrum.   With hot flashes, mood swings, memory loss, unidentified anxiety.   Back then, it was easy to pinpoint the source of my behavior.  A hot guy.   Now, it's not quite so identifiable.  A song on the radio.  A harsh word from my boss.  Running out of milk.  All of the above can trigger my hormones.    

The other day I walked into a room to get something, only to discover I was in the wrong room.  And then couldn't remember what I was looking for in the first place.   While watching an AT&T commercial, I started crying.  And not over the cost of using my cell phone.  In the market, I found myself staring at a nice looking gentleman.  But I wasn't thinking about kissing him or anything.  I was trying to remember how I knew him.  So, I followed him around for a few minutes until I realized I was acting just like my teenage self.  

I know this is normal menopausal behavior.  I'm on a low dose of hormone pills, which helps some of the time, but not all the time.      

The best remedy for me is spending time with friends who know where I'm coming from.  Because my friends and I may not always know where we're going - but we're going there together.



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lindao wrote Dec 6, 2008
    • Another excellent post that I relate to, Janie!  I remember well those days of longing for THAT guy to talk to me, then being too shy to respond if he did.  And now, occasional inexplicable mood swings that are, indeed, explainable when I think them through.  Hormones!  And friends absolutely do help. —LindaO



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Justjer wrote Dec 6, 2008
    • BINGO!!  Ahhhhh yes, sweet bird of youth...I remember it well...especially considering how I, like you, have trouble remembering those little (and sometimes important) things these days.  Luckily, I think I can recall how to get to my bff’s house which is exactly where Im headed for martinis and dinner. Another great blog, Janie.  Lots more memories from my adolescence, which may be repeating itself, altho
      its lots more difficult to become breathless at the sight of a crush, and easier to do so on a flight of stairs.
      This bird’s gonna fly. Thanks - Looking forward to the next one.
      JJ



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Diane Klapper wrote Dec 6, 2008
    • !pic
      Dear JJ Very cute comment.  Janie, I especially like your last paragraph.  That’s how I feel about my friends & sister also.

      Bye friend.  Love G



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tinaf wrote Dec 7, 2008
    • Yes, the high school corridor glance or smile that reminds you how alive you truly are, and makes your whole day!  Sweet memories...

      Which some days are stronger in my mind than common everyday words!  Talk about memory loss!  =)

      Thanks, Janie, another fabulous blog I totally relate to!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Yana Berlin wrote Dec 7, 2008
    • Oh Janie, sooooo true, and it hits the spot....

      My girlfriend is a year older, and every year something new is added to her list, I try to relate, only to find myself in identical situation a year later. Last night she told me she thinks she is having hot flashes, I had to brace myself and mark my calendar for next year...but like you said...as long as we‘re going there together we will all be okay.

      The power of girlfriends



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Janie Emaus wrote Dec 7, 2008
    • Linda - Talk about shy.  I think I invented the word.

      Justjer - I know you had a great time last time!

      Givalook _ Sister are wonderful, aren’t they?

      Tina - I’m thinking that his memory loss won’t last forever.  I hope.

      Yana - Girlfriends really are the best.  I don’t know what I do without mine

      Thank you all for your comments.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Sylvia wrote Dec 7, 2008
    • One day the hot flashes will be gone.  BUT YOUR FRIENDS
      WILL STILL BE THERE. Guess you just have to hang in until
      your hormones leave you alone. MEANWHILE== take your
      hormone pills and keep talking to your friends.
      sylvia



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dee Dee Shaw wrote Dec 10, 2008
    • I am in denial. Not going there. I know people who have not had to suffer through the hormonal imbalancing often associated with menopause without having to add HRT of any sort. I’m doing what they are doing, and claiming that I’ll have the same results. LOL  

      But I can so relate to the teenage years. Puppy love. Reading back of my journal is just plain comical. How can a person be so fickle and still grow up I wonder. LOL I was far from shy, but wasn’t the popular cheerleader type. I have always danced to the beat of my own drum. Then, I was self conscious about it and was deeply impacted by how I thought everyone else felt. Now, I have found confidence that gives me the self esteem to be fulfilled in life regardless of what others think, although I slip back into wondering about it sometimes.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Janie Emaus wrote Dec 10, 2008
    • Hi Dee Dee  - It’s so true.  Self confidence sometimes comes as we get older.  I wish I had had more it while young.
      Have a great day.

      Janie



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