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While every man is an individual and has unique and sometimes peculiar things that may irritate him or press his buttons, there are certain "pet peeves" that seem to be universal to all those outfitted with a penile appendage.  In my efforts to inform you about the fundamental operation of the male mind, I would be remiss were I not to address the important topic of "What Men Hate."  The following are three things that my brethren generally find repugnant.

1) UNFAVORABLE COMPARISONS.  We absolutely detest being unfavorably compared to your father, your brother, your brother-in-law, our father or male siblings, your ex, the guy who took your virginity, or any other man who's seen you naked.  Why?  Because the clear implication is that, in your opinion, we are somehow deficient in some way, and that makes us feel bad about ourselves and not too good about you.  If, on the other hand, the comparison is favorable, and we are lauded for our superiority over some other schlub, then feel free to compare away.


2) "HELPFUL” SUGGESTIONS ON HOW WE MIGHT IMPROVE OURSELVES.  Despite what opinion you may hold, most men are fairly happy with who they are.  And though you may look in the mirror and see only your flaws, we see our reflections and are generally content with what we behold.  So your attempts to "make us over" leave us baffled and annoyed.  And this behavior also begs the question why you hooked up with us in the first place, if you were so unhappy with who we were.  And if you're feeling that we're being overly sensitive in handling your constructive criticism, think how you would react to helpful suggestions on how you might upgrade your body or improve your sense of style.  The bottom line is this: Find a man who satisfies whatever criteria you may have, but don't expect to help him "be all he can be."  If you're looking for a "fixer-upper," invest in real estate.

3) THE PHRASE,“YOU SHOULD KNOW WHY I‘M UPSET.”  We don't.  And we shouldn't, since we can't read your mind, and for the most part are oblivious to any hidden meaning or subtext in your communication.  If you're angry with us and we don't know why, it does not mean we don't care about you or your feelings, or are too self-absorbed to pay attention to what is going on with you.  The fact is, we'd love to know what has caused you to become unhappy with us, so that we can at least consider making amends.  And your unwillingness to illuminate us is both frustrating and counter-productive.  Remember, men are generally not particularly intuitive, and we need to be told things in a very direct manner – subtlety is completely lost on us.  So next time your significant other inquires about the icy treatment you're giving him, help facilitate the thaw and tell him point-blank what's on your mind.  At least then there's the possibility that you'll be able to satisfactorily resolve things and get back to what's really important in the sex.

The above is merely the tip of the iceberg, and offers only a preliminary look at the things men despise.  It does, however, offer a little insight into what behaviors to avoid in order to encourage a harmonious relationship.  Conversely, the information could also be used to effectively annoy the hell out of your guy when you feel he deserves it.  But that would just be manipulative and mean.  And guys really hate that.

(C)2008 David M. Matthews.  All Rights Reserved.

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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cheryl Phillips wrote Sep 24, 2008
    • Awesome post. I so agree. I’ve learned over the years not to critique because it backfires. I’ve gotten mellow over the years and when I dated Anthony 4 years ago, briefly, I was one unbalanced woman who was trying to find her way post divorce. I found fault in him, was aggravated at the mere thought of the wrong color shirt and didn’t take well to suggestions from him, although my suggestions we fine. We had a great connection but I was a total control freak because I had such a messy divorce...etc.  

      Four years later we met again and I’m a relaxed woman who is at a really mellow point in my life. I have my life under control and stress doesn’t eat me up anymore. Oh how great it is now....I just roll with it. We‘re not twins, we‘re both humans. I don’t compare him to anyone because he is unique, and I realize that’s why I adore him. I was too busy trying to find reasons not to 4 years ago. I am open when I feel rotten or I’m having a bad day...instead of turning it in to someone else’s fault. He’s a great communicator so it works both ways.  The biggest thing I have learned is we can’t read minds!  Our lives are at such a great point now...I’m almost glad we can see how much they’ve changed.

      I know I’m lucky to have a great man in my life—and I let him know that.

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