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I’ve been reading a lot of blog posts lately about marriage, re-marriage, blended families and the like. In each of the situations and stories, I’ve been able to recognize a little bit about my life, my marriage, my kids.

In several of the cases, I’ve learned some things; in others, I’ve tossed in my own perspectives, hoping to help somebody through a situation that I and mine have been able to overcome. I really enjoy that kind of feedback and information exchange. I think it really supports the ‘we‘re all in this together’ effort, ya know?

Just this morning, I read a fun Q&A wherein a bunch of gals listed all the little things that their guys do that drive them crazy. Changing out the toilet paper roll, putting the cap back on the toothpaste and bad aim in the bathroom were among the top contenders. It was fun and light-hearted, exactly as those conversations should be.

Towards the end of it, though, one brave soul actually chimed in and said (and I paraphrase greatly!): My husband does all these things too, but who cares? He's awesome! In the long run, none of it matters because I love him and he loves me. Now please pretend I didn't say this and just move on.

However, in spite of her humorous plea to overlook her forgiveness of her husband’s wayward ways, the conversation fizzled right out (at least it had as of my last glance). I found this to be pretty curious, wondering if anyone would come in and add anything else to the list. Then I realized that, although I was in agreement of a lot of the things listed, I was hesitating in adding to it, too.

You see, I ride Scott’s ass for ALL of the things listed, and more. I’m really kind of a drill sergeant at home (the kids are SO sad they can’t live with me forever, I’m sure) and I am pretty vocal about what isn’t done to my satisfaction. I go to great lengths to explain why it’s important to me that the shower curtain be stretched back out after exiting the shower (um, mold? Hello??), or why the kitchen can’t really be considered clean if the counters haven’t been wiped (which part of ‘clean’ did you not understand??), or why it’s all fine and good that you did laundry, and congratulations on that by the way, but if you leave the load in the dryer for 2 days and I’m standing in the tub next to a moldy shower curtain having to drip dry because you forgot to bring the towels back in, then there’s just going to be hell to pay!!

Whew. Almost digressed there. Sorry.

So anyway, yes, I do find myself getting after Scott for all these little things, and sometimes they irritate me more than I care to admit. And, while I don’t for a minute consider anything listed in that particular Q&A to be malicious, or husband-bashing, I didn’t feel right jumping into it, either.

I love my husband more than I would have ever expected. Sometimes I think the reason I get so passionate about some of the bonehead things he does and says is because I know he's smarter than that (whatever 'that' might be in the moment); there have even been times when (prepare for the collective gasp) he's pissed me off so much I will storm away and refuse to speak to him about it. He knows what he did. Why do I have to remind him? Again!

And I’m not saying I’ve never gone there. Or that I won’t go there again, and soon. But, ultimately, as much as the moldy shower curtain and missing towels might annoy me, if I really thought he was bothered by my complaints, I probably wouldn’t make them at all. Because, you know what? My husband is pretty awesome, too. And, based on how few complaints I get from him, I am left to assume one of two things:

1.) I am so perfect that I give him absolutely no ammunition against me.

or (and much more likely!)

2.) He overlooks all these little things because in the end, all that matters to him is that he loves me, quirks and all.

So, what’s my point? What does this mean to us? Does this mean I realize that loving each other is enough? Yeah, most of the time. You bet.

Do this mean that I should just let go of all the little things that irritate me? Probably. The world would certainly be a much quieter place!

Does it mean that no matter what Scott does or doesn’t do around the house, we‘re going to be just fine, because the fact that we love each other is more important than any moldy shower curtain? Most definitely.

Does this mean I think the other women were wrong for voicing their opinions? Absolutely NOT! If we can’t laugh at ourselves and our own shortcomings, then we’ll never survive the little stuff.

I love the confidence they displayed in themselves and in their relationships, and the fact that they‘re not so much making statements about what their husbands/partners do that piss them off, but even more so about their own reactions to these things.

Of course we know we‘re being silly. It still sure is nice to have that resident-fall guy. Don’t you think?



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Daphne wrote Oct 25, 2008
    • Loved this piece, Heather.  Well put and i’m betting more will directly relate than rebut.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Oct 25, 2008
    • I love your blog feather and the picture is beautiful!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Shopgirl1960 wrote Oct 25, 2008
    • I have to say that I have really changed how I used to feel about those little things that bugged me. It happened when my husband died.  

      I remember HATING how he “over” peppered onto the counter and wouldn’t clean it up. How he had to hang his latest mounted deer head, or fish. It was gross and unbecoming to my home. I hated how he left a mess in the sink after shaving, and the list goes on.  But after his death,all of those things I hated the most were the things I missed the MOST. It was the evidence that he was real,alive, and had a personality.

      Now that I am remarried... I just smile at the evidence and pray it never leaves.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Coachmombabe wrote Oct 25, 2008
    • I LOVED this, feathermaye! I feel very much the same way about my husband, Mike.  I gave up nagging him for these little things years ago, since nothing changed and all it did was cause tension between us. We get along better now and are better friends and lovers that I ever thought possible. You’ve put things into perspective. And I think you two look quite happy as a couple!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Daphne wrote Oct 25, 2008
    • Speaking of “over-peppering“...i tease my husband that it’s obvious where he sits at the table because he leaves a ring of pepper at his place setting when the waitress removes his plate.  I also think he does this to keep me out of his food...i hate pepper.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Feathermaye wrote Oct 25, 2008
    • I’m glad y‘all enjoyed it!!

      That’s one of my favorite pictures of us. It was taken just minutes after we were married, at my mom’s house. Almost 5 years ago now!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Shopgirl1960 wrote Oct 25, 2008
    • How funny Daphne! Maybe that's what it is. My husband (now) peppers everything to the point that I woudn't even think of eating it.  Ha Ha And I think only another man might. Hee Hee



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cindylouwho1966 wrote Oct 25, 2008
    • Blowing off steam about annoyances is part of what makes us human. Sometimes, as in the case with my ex, EVERYTHING he did was wrong, in my mind. Well, really, I was unhappy in the marriage and needed all the ammo I could to justify getting out.

      With Mark, there are some things I tease him about, like not putting the rubber stopper back in my blender correctly, but all in all I am a lot more laid back. I have finally learned things like that don’t matter, because I found the person who makes me not want to care about the petty stuff.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Humming1975bird wrote Oct 25, 2008
    • GREATLY written - I agree 100% and like Coachmombabe I gave up hope trying to change him years ago.  He is a husband not a new puppy.  I just go behind him and clean up the trail.  After all he has no problem with the untidiness - I do!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Almostfive0 wrote Oct 25, 2008
    • Love it Feather...LOVE the title as well...lol!

      Hummingbird that is so true they are husbands not puppies.  

      I can relate to every complaint that you listed feather...the shower curtain?! What?! a pet peeve of mine!

      But in the end like Shopgirl says in the end it’s those things that you find yourself missing the most.

      Me and my husband have lived in separate locations for over a year. At first I thought it was so nice to finally be on my own...AHHHH, the quiet! No snoring to keep me up all night, no rolled up dirty sweat socks in the corners of the room and those farts that I’m pretty sure are the reason for the polar ice caps melting were a thing of the past.
      But after not living together for almost a year and a half I miss all of him so much and I am thankful that I have had the time to be away from him to appreciate him even more than I thought I did. But life is too damn short to live it without those you love especially if they love you back.  

      Now this doesn’t mean he won’t still get on my last nerve at times or that I won’t speak my mind when I need to but I now know that none of those things really matter.  

      So,... before I move to Puerto Rico to be with him I’ll make sure I have enough batteries for my Bose noise reduction headphones that I’ll wear to bed and I’ll invest in a good gas mask....Anybody know where I can get one!?



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Carine Nadel wrote Oct 25, 2008
    • wonderful piece!  so true-I’m a bit of a control freak and hubby is laid back.  We both overlook the obvious-and we use our senses of humor!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Shopgirl1960 wrote Oct 25, 2008
    • Thanks for the chuckle Almostfiveo~! lol lol
      And I wish you and your husband a wonderful and renewed love and future!!!!

      Annie,how true about humor! Humor has made this marriage so AWSOME !!!!!!!!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Bobbi Bacha wrote Oct 25, 2008
    • Shopgirl1960 Im always amazed at your wisdom.  I love what you said and its so true, when someone you love is gone all the little annoyances are missed.  You could not have said it more beautiful.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Oct 25, 2008
    • Ok... I am the one who started the question.  I don’t mean to bring out the nagging part of everyone.  I derived that from the columnist “3 things men hate the most” and so I started to question why drives us nuts?  I love my husband and it is their insanity to drive me sane or on my way to Sainthood!  Anyhow, I will start a positive question to balance that out.  I promise.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Feathermaye wrote Oct 26, 2008
    • chinadoll, it WAS a great question! It inspired me!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Gina Venturini wrote Oct 26, 2008
    • I think it’s just sometimes in our nature as women that we want everything to be perfect.  

      I used to get so upset at my husband becaused when he finished eating, he would rinse his dish and leave it in the sink rather than putting it in the dishwasher right away. I just couldn’t get why? He told me he had no problem putting the dish into the dishwasher, it just wasn’t going to be on my time frame.

      A friend of mine gave me a little book called “Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff” and it put in to perspective how silly I was being for getting upset over things that wouldn’t really matter the following day.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Darby wrote Nov 2, 2008
    • Such a wonderful post thank you for sharing it!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Shopgirl1960 wrote Nov 3, 2008
    • Bobbi, I just read your comment... thank you so much!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Michelle Rowe wrote Nov 8, 2008
    • I need to stop complaining about those little things. I guess I need to let more things go. I’m a perfectionist but I don’t want to seem like a nag. My daughter - she’s another story. Girlfriend is going to hear it from me when she leaves a mess!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Sherriejoy wrote Mar 24, 2012
    • I little humor and a little bashing I think goes a long way in minimizing the little annoyances in a relationship.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tessacamma wrote Mar 24, 2012
    • Sometimes I get together with my girlfriend for a little session of husband bashing....I remember my grandmother doing it without putting a name on it. Anyway check out husbandbashing.com for a little bashing with humor!



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Victorious wrote Mar 26, 2012
    • This is good.....I was once a controling wife....My husband now works overseas and I miss the little stuff he does. The clowning with the kids when I want to discuss financial stuff, how he rolls his socks in a ball and leave them by the clothes hamper, just to name a few. He started doing this only 3 years ago just before he came to me about going back to sea. When he comes home from sea he still does it. I have learned to add lots of humour in our relationship as it I realize joining him is better than going against him....I miss those socks by the hamper when he is away....Thanks for this articleheart



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