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Are you ready Mom?

Our son called me late yesterday.  Nothing unusual there.  

I wasn't going to post here again until after the move, but the course of our conversation really moved me enough to write this.

Knowing how sentimental I am about this home that we've carefully evolved over the years into what I felt was our dream home, he asked me:  

So mom, are you ready, I mean mentally to leave on Thursday night?

I responded with something akin to:  Adam, how do you prepare to leave a place you've spent almost half your life in?

Thinking it over, the thoughts piled high and the tears have flowed.  

Am I ready?  No.  Will I cry more when we leave the keys on the empty kitchen counter and use the spare in the lock box to back our way out of the empty structure and lock it?  Yes.
Have I been taking extra time just staring at the room where our daughter and son-in-law started their engagement and then our son and daughter-in-law did the same?  Yes.  In my little 10×10 office where our son moved in when he was 5 am I thinking of all the little boys who played video games on his platform bed?  You bet.

Our master suite where we slept with our German Shepherd rescue Lucky and our beautiful rescue white cat Snowy and then our beloved Sunshine and now Pepper-am I trying to BURN in the layout in my mind?  Absolutely.

The kitchen where I've prepared literally thousands of meals, put in not 1, but 3 sets of appliances and had dozens of arguments with pre-teens, teens and fed hundreds of toddlers-will I compare that nook with the new one? Probably.

But no matter how many tears I shed or how many remaining hours I spend looking over the rooms-I will probably look at my husband and realize that we moved in here as we entered our 30's-the same age as Sarah is right now and we're leaving to start a brand new life, in a brand new home (one devoid of disgusting paint, new blinds and only one bathroom to re-model) and we will make brand new memories.

It won't make the life in this house be forgotten; it will just be that the memories will be just that-memories.  What is life without those?

So Adam, to answer your question-for once, I cannot give you a firm yes or no-but I can say I'm ready to stop the tears of sadness and replace them with ones of happiness of being re-united with your dad, all of my precious children and my "dividends".  I'm ready to find new walkways with a new pup, create new and memorable family dinners in my new kitchen and maybe, just maybe-not look back.

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